4 Beloved Celebrities Who Were Secretly Terrible

4

Mad Men Star Jon Hamm Set A Dude On Fire, Claw-Hammered His Balls

For seven compelling seasons Jon Hamm played ad man, identity thief, and playboy extraordinaire Don Draper. But back in college, Jon Hamm majored in beating the ever-loving shit out of an underclassman before setting him on fucking fire. Flashback to 1990: A student at the University of Texas, and an ensconced member of the Sigma Nu fraternity, Hamm was charged with helping young pledges with their studies. He did so by asking them to memorize a series of phrases, and to repeat them exactly -- under threat of extreme violence.

Texas Student Media

When young Mark Allen Sanders failed to satisfactorily repeat his list, Hamm grew "mad, I mean really mad." Together with four of his frat brothers, Hamm shoved Sanders' face in the dirt, paddled him in the goddamned kidneys, and led him around like a dog (except not really, because only a psychopath would lead their dog around via a claw hammer hooked to the taint). Then, like fine French chefs, the frat brothers set Sanders' pants on fire and served up his testicles en flambe.

Unsurprisingly, Sanders checked into the hospital and quietly checked out of enrollment at the University of Texas. UT shut down its Sigma Nu chapter. The five perpetrators were charged with hazing, assault, and somehow making frat boys look even worse than usual.

Lighthearted Entertainment

3

Patrick Swayze Drunkenly Crashed An Airplane Into A Housing Development

Patrick Swayze fancied himself a bit of a pilot, and on June 1, 2000, he really emphasized that "bit" part. That's when Swayze -- the victim of an apparent cabin depressurization -- aimed his Cessna 414A in the general direction of an under-construction housing development near Prescott Valley, Arizona, narrowly missed a parked truck, sheared off half of the right wing on a streetlamp, bounced through an intersection, then took out a stop sign and another streetlamp before finally crashing into an electrical box and jarring to a stop. Miraculously, no one on the ground was hurt, and all three passengers -- Swayze and his two dogs -- emerged unscathed. And staggeringly, impressively drunk.

Getty Images/Staff

2

Kiefer Sutherland Looooves Drunk Driving

Kiefer Sutherland's idea of "having a drink" is draining a bottle of J&B Scotch Whiskey, and his idea of "a good time" is jumping behind the wheel and racing a blackout drunk home. He's racked up four DUIs since 1989, with a 2004 arrest landing him five years probation, and a 2007 one landing him 48 days in jail.

Glendale Police Department

1

Bernardo Bertolucci Had Marlon Brando Rape An Actress On Camera

Back in 1972, Italian director Bernardo Bertolucci gave us Last Tango in Paris, because what the world really needed was to see an aging Marlon Brando have boatloads of sex with 19-year-old Maria Schneider. In the movie's most infamous scene, Brando forces himself on Schneider, pinning her to the floor and yanking down her jeans before lubricating her anus with a generous dollop of fancy French butter and anally raping her. If there were an Oscar for "most convincing depiction of being ass-raped by Don Corleone," Schneider would've taken it hands down. Mostly because her reaction in the scene was 100 percent genuine.

United Artists