Mad Men Star Jon Hamm Set A Dude On Fire, Claw-Hammered His Balls
For seven compelling seasons Jon Hamm played ad man, identity thief, and playboy extraordinaire Don Draper. But back in college, Jon Hamm majored in beating the ever-loving shit out of an underclassman before setting him on fucking fire. Flashback to 1990: A student at the University of Texas, and an ensconced member of the Sigma Nu fraternity, Hamm was charged with helping young pledges with their studies. He did so by asking them to memorize a series of phrases, and to repeat them exactly -- under threat of extreme violence.
Texas Student Media
"What you call 'fear' was invented by guys like me to sell nylons."
When young Mark Allen Sanders failed to satisfactorily repeat his list, Hamm grew "mad, I mean really mad." Together with four of his frat brothers, Hamm shoved Sanders' face in the dirt, paddled him in the goddamned kidneys, and led him around like a dog (except not really, because only a psychopath would lead their dog around via a claw hammer hooked to the taint). Then, like fine French chefs, the frat brothers set Sanders' pants on fire and served up his testicles en flambe.
Unsurprisingly, Sanders checked into the hospital and quietly checked out of enrollment at the University of Texas. UT shut down its Sigma Nu chapter. The five perpetrators were charged with hazing, assault, and somehow making frat boys look even worse than usual.
He was sentenced to three-to-five years of wearing this haircut.
Patrick Swayze Drunkenly Crashed An Airplane Into A Housing Development
Patrick Swayze fancied himself a bit of a pilot, and on June 1, 2000, he really emphasized that "bit" part. That's when Swayze -- the victim of an apparent cabin depressurization -- aimed his Cessna 414A in the general direction of an under-construction housing development near Prescott Valley, Arizona, narrowly missed a parked truck, sheared off half of the right wing on a streetlamp, bounced through an intersection, then took out a stop sign and another streetlamp before finally crashing into an electrical box and jarring to a stop. Miraculously, no one on the ground was hurt, and all three passengers -- Swayze and his two dogs -- emerged unscathed. And staggeringly, impressively drunk.