We know that, behind their perfectly white piano-key teeth, flawlessly Proactiv-ed skin, fleekishly groomed eyebrows, and reptilian shapeshifting abilities, celebrities are usually just as flawed as the rest of us -- even the really nice ones. This is why you shouldn't be entirely surprised to learn that all of the people in the following paragraphs are actually absolutely terrible.
5The Fugees Are All Awful
Much like a heavily layered, face-framing haircut named after a waitress on Friends, The Fugees as a whole had one good year: 1996. After that, each Fugee slowly but surely went on to suck as a human.
First up is Wyclef Jean, whose charity, Yele Haiti, managed to utterly mishandle $16 million in donations meant for the people of Haiti back in 2010. Despite spending thousands of dollars to rent office space in Manhattan, the charity spent about 10 times the rent on that office space for "landscaping." Landscaping in Manhattan.
It can't be a coincidence that Yele's logo outright told us to go fuck ourselves.
Supposedly, all of this monetary waste -- see: approximately $100,000 earmarked to Wyclef's reported mistress and another odd $30,000 to fly Lindsay Lohan to a charity event that drew only $60,000 (presumably because everybody heard Lindsay Lohan was showing up) -- started occurring after Wyclef failed in his attempt to run for president of Haiti, so we can only imagine how Donald Trump will react if he fails to win the United States presidential election.
The philanthropic misadventures continue with Wyclef's cousin Pras, who set up a fundraiser for those who suffered because of 9/11. It was supposed to be a giant fashion show with guest musical performances, all sponsored by MTV. The musical headliner apparently caught the flu, which would seem innocuous enough if it weren't for the fact that the headliner was Pras himself, and no one else showed up to perform. As if things weren't embarrassing enough, MTV claimed that it was never involved in any kind of sponsorship, because it was 2014 and MTV hadn't touched anything music-related in two decades.
When the whole event fell apart, Pras manned up and wrote a check for the venue ... and it bounced.
Though, honestly, not forcing patrons to listen to Pras might've been his most charitable act of all.
Finally, there's Lauryn Hill. At the tail end of the 1990s, her album The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill, was the biggest damn record on the planet. She followed up Miseducation with a confusing unplugged album that 45 people liked, fell off the planet for most of the 2000s, and did a three-month prison sentence for avoiding the taxman. But whatever -- she garnered enough public goodwill from Miseducation to last the next few centuries, right?
Uh, her next big music moment was in 2013, when her song "Neurotic Society" rather depressingly contained the kind of word salad typical of a Stormfront message board, what with its references to "girl men," duplicitous "drag queens," and "social transvestism," a phrase that would probably be offensive if we could figure out what it meant.
Man, she wasn't kidding about that miseducation.
4David Attenborough Loves The Earth, And Also Starvation
Find any decent nature documentary and, odds are, David Attenborough had some hand in it. He's the soothing British voice behind 99 percent of the world's footage of animals gutting each other to stay alive.
An unsuspecting prey's violent death is best served with a cup of tea and some warm crumpets.
Unfortunately, narrating decades of nature doing Her thing has left a terrible impact on the octogenarian's brain, because he recently nonchalantly dropped the bomb that sending relief food to starving people is "barmy." We're not even sure if "barmy" is a real word, but we're pretty sure it doesn't mean "a swell idea."
"I film starving animals without feeding them, and I ain't making exceptions
just because they're suddenly people."
Attenborough's concern is that the planet can't support our population and everyone should have better access to birth control, which are both fair points. The problem is that, when discussing population control, he specifically used Ethiopians as his example of how food charity is a waste of time. In his mind, famine is just a natural consequence of "too many people for too little piece of land." His words, not ours. Apparently, David Attenborough has never heard of Manhattan.
Of course, it's not our place to tell a beloved old man that modern starvation is more about politics and the logistics and fairness of food distribution, and that the Earth is actually producing more than enough calories to go around if we could figure out a way to navigate government bureaucracies and warlords. Nor is it our place to tell the same old man that he should reconsider his stance that human beings are a "plague on the Earth."
"You gotta throw them into the fire early, or else they start eating and drinking
and then all hope is lost."
But, if we could chastise an 89-year-old, we'd say, "Slow your roll, Attenborough. Everything you utter could be the last soundbite we get before you join the big nature watch in the sky."