6 Classic Shows (That Went Insane For One Episode)

With what we're sincerely hoping is not slayer feces.

It turns out that the beer was spiked with a magic potion, because the owner of the bar was gently bullied by college kids over the years. He flat-out admits all this to Xander after seconds of interrogation. And how did he pull off this incredible transformational poisoning?

Look, it was a good show in general.

Hilariously, this episode only exists because Buffy was trying to take advantage of a government subsidy to incorporate anti-drug storylines into popular shows. Despite crafting this whole stupid plot with that goal in mind, the episode was rejected by the program for its "otherworldly nonsense." It didn't show the real dangers of substance abuse, the government argued; it showed the dangers of vindictive tavern managers with warlock relatives. A situation the government is apparently neutral on.

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Insert coin to continue.

So Mulder enters the game, embarrasses himself almost immediately with an attempt at trash talk ...

... and that's when things start to get dumb.

It turns out the villain was created by one of the company's female employees, because she was sick of working with gross men. Honestly, that's kind of a good premise, because it's still a huge issue today. What is less great is the decision to explore that issue via a sword-wielding Mulder fighting sexy cowgirls.

Mulder's looking fairly sexy here too, admittedly.

Eventually, Scully has to come into the video game to save him. This is played up like the most incredible hero turn in the Universe, because the idea of a woman playing a video game was completely mind-blowing at the time.

"Well that was dumb."
"Was it really though, Scully?"
"Yes, Mulder."

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The reason for the Enterprise's visit? Dr. Crusher's 100-year-old grandmother has died. Dr. Crusher soon discovers her Nana's diary, which recounts a recent love affair with a younger man. Then, possibly because Dr. Crusher was super close to her grandma, she begins having vivid dreams about the diary's contents.

She ... uh ... she gets into it.

Soon, the boyfriend shows up as a disembodied voice, and seconds later admits to being a ghost. Then, while families around the world sit in front of their televisions watching in stunned silence, the ghost proceeds to psychically give Dr. Crusher an orgasm.

Nothing more traumatic than witnessing female sexuality.

He eventually appears in a more physical form, though still chooses to have sex as kind of a mint-green mist.

Which at least seem like it'd be an effective contraceptive.

This happens more than once.

Eventually, Geordi and Data dig up their colleague's grandmother's body (that familiar old trope), and are shocked to see her come to life.

Leave it to the nerdiest nerds on the Enterprise to defuse a sex mystery.

Of course, it's not actually a sex-ghost, but some bullshit science monster that is easily killed. So yeah, not a classic. There's probably a reason the Borg never molested anyone with cartoon stink lines.

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And silk print shirts.

The "Attack Of The Slime Monster" story arc finds the team taking a break from battling crime to write a short story about a creepy toy named Gooey Gus, who is essentially a Cabbage Patch Doll caught in a chemical explosion which destroys its meth lab.

DOPE IS FOR DOPES, KIDS.

Soon, they start to think that Gooey Gus might be coming to life. At one point, he grows to human size and is played by who is almost certainly a Julliard graduate beginning to grasp the true meaning of rock bottom.

This had better be paying a lot of bills.

In the end, to celebrate their successful creation, the gang has a barbecue. But then goddamn Gooey Gus appears in the flames, and proceeds to vomit slime all over the kids. The end. Go literacy.

READ, MOTHERFUCKERS, READ.

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Well that's nice. Good for Hot Lips. Oh wait, there's more...

Well that took a turn.

Similarly, Father Mulcahy dreams that he's the Pope -- only to watch Jesus on the cross turn into a bloodied soldier.

You can see how the laugh track would have been less than appropriate here.

But the weirdest dream of all is reserved for the wisecracking Hawkeye, who dreams that he suddenly has mannequin arms.

Then he's on boat in a sea of mannequin arms.

Which we're pretty sure was also a Doors lyric.

Then he finds a wounded child, but can't operate because he has no arms, so he screams to the heavens.

"SYMBOLISM!"

The episode makes a lot of sense within the context of its premise -- lack of sleep, brutal working conditions, and the possible ingestion of chemical warfare agents would absolutely cause wartime field surgeons to dream up some crazy shit. But it's the fact that every other episode was presented like The Big Bang Theory that makes this one stand out.

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Maybe there was a mix-up at the wardrobe department, and they had to make do.

In the episode "The Time Has Come Today," Brenda discovers a diary from the 1960s, and like the thieving snoop she is, she reads it without a second thought. And, as is standard protocol in all movies and TV shows that involve reading, she visualizes herself and all of her friends as the characters in it. This means we get to see Kelly as a stoner, Brandon as an army officer, and Dylan as an antiwar activist.

A thoughtful, nuanced look at a turbulent time.

It's a real mishmash of stuff, basically, every character getting a turn to be the '60s version of themselves. Here's Brandon kicking in his family's TV during a fight over the war in Vietnam:

The turbulence getting so much turbulentier.

Also, for some reason Brenda, can visualize things that clearly would not be in the diary, like '60s David trying to bone '60s Donna.

Now you're just projecting, Brenda.

At the end of the episode, Brenda tracks down the woman who wrote the diary, only to find out that she's been dead for two decades.

So yeah. The diary was written by a person who was dead before any of the characters in the show were even born, which you may recognize as the most relevant possible storyline to introduce into a prime-time teen soap opera.

J.M. McNab co-hosts the pop culture nostalgia podcast Rewatchability, which can also be found on iTunes. Follow him on Twitter @Rewatchability.

Also check out 7 Insane Things TV Shows Did When They Ran Out Of Money and 5 Ridiculous Reasons Awesome TV Shows Were Canceled.

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