The news media's primary motivation these days is clearly to drum up sales of emergency apocalypse supplies. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

THE COUNTY CLERK WHO REFUSED TO ISSUE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE LICENSES HAS BEEN RELEASED FROM JAIL. After the Supreme Court declared same-sex couples are al

african american motorist john felton was pulled over for making direct eye contact with police in dayton, ohio

Source: WIVB

Nightmare on elm street director wes craven died

Michigan teenager accused of faking a pregnancy with triplets

Taco Bell releasing a taco version of the double down with a fried chicken shell

Source: Uproxx

Queensland Australia man arrested when salt mistaken for crystal meth

Two women arrested in New Jersey for running a toddler fight club in their day care

Source: CBS Local

WWE wrestling star Jimmy Superfly Snuka charged with murder of girlfriend Nancy Argentino

Source: People

Columbia City resident Jen Henderson becomes lone voter in district due to gerrymandering

Mt. McKinley has been renamed Mt. Denali by President Obama

Illinois government says it doesn't have money to pay lottery winners

Source: Time

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