Japan And Germany Planned To Send A Dirty Bomb To America Delivered By Kamikaze Submarines
There's only one thing crazier than German and Japanese plans to destroy America: a joint German-Japanese plan to destroy America.
Kokusai Shasin Shimbun
Right now, someone reading this article is having the most inappropriate boner in existence.
Right before the war ended, the Nazis ordered a submarine, the U-234, to take all of their secret weapons to Japan -- including, apparently, a shitload of uranium. After their Arctic plutonium factory was blown up, the Nazis had tried their hands at a uranium bomb but didn't get enough before Roosevelt, Truman, Stalin, Churchill, and whoever was in charge of France showed up to party in Berlin. The likely Japanazi plan was now to use what they had to build a dirty bomb, a bomb with radioactive stuff attached to it for when a normal explosion doesn't say "fuck you" loudly enough. The recipient of that "fuck you"? The U.S. West Coast.
To actually get the dirty bomb to America, the Japanese would have called on some old friends of ours: the insane I-400 class submarines, which launched kamikaze aircraft via catapults. Japan had a whole bunch of those giant bastards equipped with planes decorated in fake U.S. markings for extra confusion. After sending the knockoff planes on radiation-packed suicide airstrikes to San Francisco and Los Angeles, Japan would ... still lose the war, but, man, what a note to go out on.
Obviously, none of that happened. Some believe the uranium did technically get to Japan, just not in the way they expected. As in:
Charles Levi/U.S. Amry
Yep. According to a former official of the Manhattan Project, after the U-234 submarine was captured en route to Japan, the German uranium ended up going into the atom bomb we dropped on Hiroshima. The U.S. was low on uranium when this little radioactive package fell in its lap, so it was arranged for it to be conveniently misplaced. This is still officially denied, because apparently "We won the war with Nazi uranium" wouldn't look great in history books.
But wait -- what happened to those pesky kamikaze submarines? Even without dirty bombs, they could have still done plenty of damage -- and they almost did, if it wasn't for a little scheduling mishap. The subs set off from Japan and were all set to fuck up the Panama Canal on Aug. 17, but Japan surrendered on Aug. 15. The U.S. Navy then blew all of them up so the Soviets wouldn't take a peek, which is a fittingly bonkers ending to the I-400 legend.
Zachary Frey is going to be a freshman at Cornell University this August. You can (and should) read some of his other awesome articles here.
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