Guitar strap by night and sexy restraint by also night, The Strap actually possesses a remarkable array of functions. It can be converted to a "two-, three-, or four-point restraint" -- whatever that means -- a sex sling, a belt, or all of those things plus a collar. This is what Inspector Gadget would use if that were a completely different kind of TV program. According to the product description, this "gets you noticed for all of the right reasons." We have very, very different definitions of those words.
You can also turn it into an emergency dog leash.
And yes, that is THE Dave Navarro of Every VH1 Program fame wearing the product in that photo, because he had a hand in designing it! After all, if you can't trust a Red Hot Chili Pepper to tie you off, then who? In fact, the first 500 specimens sold will be personally autographed and manhandled by Navarro. Maybe wash it before you use it.
Surely we can all agree that the biggest downside of our favorite crotch accessories is that other people aren't putting their dirty hands all over them, but who could possibly refuse a rousing game of chess? Well, everyone, but that hasn't stopped Kiki de Montparnasse -- which is exactly what every one of you would come up with if asked to name the shop that would do such a thing -- from rolling out the chess set of nobody's dreams.
"Now with anus-ready knights!"
The gold-plated, exquisitely polished pawns who have no idea what they're in for are a stunning achievement in classy disguises, but you would have to be Batman to afford them (or possibly want them, given his black fetish). At $7,000, the set costs almost $7,000 more than anything that will definitely end up in a butt should. That seems to defeat the purpose, since there's no way you would leave something so valuable just sitting out. On the other hand, once an unwitting thief realizes what he's gotten his horrifyingly literal sticky fingers on, you can smile with the satisfaction of knowing that you've already exacted the perfect revenge.
Anyway, if you need us, we'll be writing some new Magneto/Professor X fan fiction.
20th Century Fox
"You took my rook."
"Oh, I can take way more than that ..." -X-Men: Lays of Future Past
Manna is available for all your sex toy naming needs on Twitter.
While we're on the topic, check out 10 Sex Toys That Make Your Weirdest Fetish Seem Sane and 9 Utterly Insane Products Released by Famous Brands.