The kit includes vibrators that look like tubes of lipstick and mascara or makeup brushes, which doesn't sound so bad, but then there's the "orgasm-enhancing lip gloss" and "warming and cooling balms disguised as eye shadows." That sort of trickery carries the risk of grave consequences if you mistake your stealth dildo for what it's disguised as. How many embarrassed appointments to the ophthalmologist do you think The Screaming O has been responsible for so far?
The Screaming O
Conversely, how many careless customers have accidentally applied mascara to their pubes?
What the hell is "orgasm-enhancing lip gloss," anyway? Our investigation has only raised more questions. It appears to be basically Carmex, which you'll recognize as No. 7 on the list of things nobody wants anywhere near their genitals. It comes in cinnamon and mint flavors, which are Nos. 5 and 8, respectively.
Concerns about this product quickly turn from functional to ethical and downright existential. What kind of person needs to carry an assortment of vibrators on them at all times? They probably have little need for discretion but plenty for the kinds of meetings held in church basements where you don't learn anyone's last names. What if your friend needs to touch up their blush and you can't stop them before they unwittingly rub your sex toy all over their face? In some cultures, that means you're married now.