Try to imagine hell as a planet. Some of you probably thought of an ominous, red, glowing rock with temperatures hot enough to melt a Terminator, while others thought of a giant black ball of death where light literally goes to die. Congratulations: Collectively, you've all just imagined the distant giant known as TrES-2b.
David A. Aguilar (CfA)/TrES/Kepler/NASA
Abandon all hope ye who orbit here.
Orbiting a star in Draco, the constellation of the dragon (little known fact: most of space was named by John Carpenter), TrES-2b is the darkest planet humans have ever discovered. How dark are we talking about here? It absorbs (or "feasts on," if you will) 99 percent of the sunlight that reaches it, making it darker than coal, black acrylic paint, or your ex's cold, unforgiving heart. And it's not likely to ever go hungry, because the planet is located only 3 million miles from its star. In astronomical terms, that's like standing close enough to another person for your nose hairs to get tangled up.
Michael Blann/Digital Vision/Getty Images
Also, the breath of the person standing too close is hot enough to vaporize uranium.
But hey, it also means that you can now stop worrying about someday being marooned on the Planet of Darkness and going insane ... because you'd probably first be killed by temperatures approaching one-fifth that of the surface of the sun, which have spotted the black surface of the planet with pools of hell magma.
Good news for hot tub enthusiasts, we suppose.