Urinating on a Jellyfish Sting Just Increases the Pain
At some point in humanity's long history of terrible ideas, somebody got stung by a jellyfish and somebody else decided to unzip their pants and try to piss it better. The remedy was popularized in that Friends episode where Chandler had to pee on Monica's sting, and it's entered our mythology as the right thing to do because we are the kind of society that gets its medical advice from 1990s sitcoms. And yes, we're aware that we are a pop culture comedy site and we're making that joke immediately before doling out medical advice.
The Cracked health plan consists primarily of various dilutions of tiger penis.
But Actually ...
If you're stung by a jellyfish and someone starts spraying their pee all over it, you're going to wind up in more pain than you were before. You see, jellyfish stinging cells are actually activated by fresh water. That's their cue to start pumping venom into your flesh. Surprise: Your urine is mostly fresh water. If it's not, you have far bigger problems than jellyfish stings to worry about.
So you no doubt think, as Chandler did, that you're heroically coming to a woman's rescue by bucking up and doing what needs to be done, gross as that may be. But if Friends were realistic, she'd be shrieking in pain as though he was pissing acid. That'd be the rest of the episode: Monica lying in a puddle of piss, howling in pain, and begging him to kill her for 20 straight minutes until they just cut to commercial.
Although this assumes that Monica was not into watersports.
What Can You Do Instead?
The most important thing is to try to get rid of the stinging cells. You can try to scrape these away with something (like a credit card). Afterward you can pour some salt water on the sting. Salt water, unlike urine, deactivates the stinging cells and eases the pain. As for the urine myth, professionals concede that, after the stingers have been removed, "warm urine might soothe the sting based on its warmth alone." You know what else can do that? Literally anything else in the world that happens to be warm.
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For more ways you're making it harder on yourself, check out 6 Life Saving Techniques From the Movies (That Can Kill You). Or learn about 8 Medical Terms Your Doctor Uses to Insult You.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out Why the Scooby-Doo Mystery Team Is Terrible At Mysteries.
And stop by LinkSTORM to learn how to give your cat the heimlich.
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