Eventually, the police department says "screw it" and drops the case, since it can't even figure out what the robbers took. That's top-notch police work there.
"Can we forget about all those unsolved murders, too? The victims won't complain."
You Only Live Twice -- Bond's Superiors Fake His Death, Immediately Blow His Cover
In You Only Live Twice, criminal organization SPECTRE devises a plan to trick the U.S. and Russia into launching a nuclear war against each other, because, you know, why not. In response, MI6 has the brilliant idea of faking James Bond's death so that he'll be able to go after SPECTRE undetected. To make his "death" more plausible, they even make sure it happens right after coitus.
"His chest hair absorbed the bullets."
Bond's superiors go all-out to make the story look authentic: Bond is given a very public burial at sea, and his "murder" even makes front page headlines.
"In related news, public health officials expect an immediate 30 percent decrease in reported STD cases."
OK, so now that everyone believes Bond is dead, what do they have him do? He travels to Japan and hooks up with Tanaka, the head of the Japanese secret service, who arranges a meeting between a chemical baron and possible SPECTRE agent named Osato and Bond, who will come disguised as ...
"And you are?"
"Bond ... James ... Bond ... Fuck."
... the same guy whose face just appeared on the front page of every newspaper.
If anything, faking Bond's death has only made his mission more dangerous. Before, he was an anonymous secret agent -- now he's a decorated "British naval commander" whose death made headlines. Since they didn't bother to give 007 any sort of disguise, there's a huge risk of him being recognized just by walking down the street. This is the opposite of what a secret agent is supposed to do, for the record. It's supposed to be all covert assassinations, spy work, and illicit sex.
"That'sh more like it."
And it's not like Bond was Tanaka's only option for the meeting -- he has a bunch of other Japanese agents working for him, so why couldn't he just send one of them instead?
So, yeah, the whole "faking 007's death" strategy proves to be pointless before the movie is half over, but at least his superiors learn their lesson. Later on, when they send Bond on an undercover mission as a Japanese fisherman, they're wise enough to give him a very convincing and politically correct disguise.
"Live long and proshper."
Robin Warder is the co-owner of a pop culture website called The Back Row.
For more fictional decisions that don't quite make sense, check out 6 Terrible Plans in Movies That Just Sort of Work Out and 6 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved In Minutes.
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