The researchers believe that wearing a lab coat simply makes us feel smarter, and as other psychologists have found, simply believing you're smarter actually makes you smarter. Sadly, this also implies that we all think painters are idiots.

But we know what you're almost certainly wondering -- how does this effect work with bikinis? Another study tested men and women by having them take an advanced math test, some while wearing sweaters, some in swimsuits. Afterward, they compared the scores from both outfits, and found that for women, wearing a bikini lowered their scores, but for men, it either stayed the same or increased.

Via Uconn.edu
Don't trust your male doctor unless he's wearing a lab coat and a thong.

Apparently, this is attributed to the idea that women are much more negatively affected by objectification than men, to the point that it screws up their attention and cognition. For men, they were actually proud of strutting their stuff, and so a tiny Borat-style mankini actually increased their abilities.

Now, before you run off and declare yourself ready to perform surgery just because you bought a set of surgical scrubs, stop and think about what this study really found. It's not about fashion's influence on your brain, it's about how flexible intelligence really is, based on your emotional state, your ability to focus and God knows how many other factors. After all, one reason intelligence is so hard to measure is that it's not like measuring somebody's height. Your intelligence changes based on what day it gets tested, the setting and mood you are in, how distracted you are and (as this study seems to imply) what you think is expected of you.

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Profanity expert?

And, we bet if you think back, you'll realize that all of your best teachers in school knew that last one very well.

Everyone prefers to go to work and come home feeling happy. It's just not always achievable, and indeed, if you're the kind of person who enjoys your job that much, then you'll find that most people just want to cut you. But hold it right there, Smiles McHappyWorker -- the Negative Nancy in your office is head and shoulders over you intellectually.

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"The singularity at the center of a black hole is neither infinite nor anchored
in existence, and does anyone else think it's too cold in here?"

Multiple studies have found this. In one, Australian researcher Joe Forgas found that "angst and sadness promote 'information-processing strategies best suited to dealing with more-demanding situations'." Forgas made participants watch short films about death and cancer, inducing a melancholy mood, and found that those subjected to the depressing short films made fewer arithmetic mistakes and had better judgment in general -- they were better at recalling past events and judging the accuracy of rumors, and became less likely to judge strangers.

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Basically, the exact opposite of the Internet.

Then another study from the Columbia Business School found that the act of frowning makes you more attentive and detail-oriented, thus helping you avoid your gut reaction when what you really need to do is think. Researchers had participants in the study give speeches about their dream jobs, and had listeners respond either positively, nodding and smiling, or negatively, shaking their head and frowning. They were then told to record their mood afterward and create a collage. Obviously, the participants who just had to endure a cruel session of harsh judgment as stony-faced scientists stomped on their dreams reported being in a worse mood afterward. These same participants, however, became more focused on their collage, and thus churned out better, more creative work. We just think better when we're miserable.

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Which is why goths make the best accountants.

Of course, the benefits are probably outweighed by the brain-destroying effects of the crippling alcoholism that is sure to follow, but maybe you can make up for all of that with ...

Researchers weren't very sure which dance in particular was the best, but they suggest that any activity that promotes rapid decision making without falling into a routine would show the same benefits. And you shouldn't wait to be a senior citizen before you consider dancing -- they found that it improves mental acuity for all ages.

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Ravers are our future. And, astoundingly, that isn't a bad thing.

Also, it turns out that women benefit more than men, because women usually act as the follower in the dance routine, while men lead -- bluntly, the woman has to react to the man and fix all his fuck-ups.

The researchers found that the nicotine was able to do this by improving communication among the learning centers in the brain. But, chances are that, if you still remember the beginning of this sentence, you probably don't have Alzheimer's. So this doesn't apply to regular people, right?

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Oh, wait, you forgot about stupid, stupid children!

Well, good news! Researchers pumped nicotine into adolescent mice, then tested them on spatial learning and memory later in their adult life and found that those who had received small, steady levels of nicotine learned faster and performed significantly better -- months later. Not only that, but they discovered that mice are adorable with a hacking cough.

Photos.com
"Hey, I think instead of finishing this, I'm just gonna grab a smoke and maybe take a short nap."

All of this is starting to make sense. Think about the smartest people you know: Weren't they always smoking, while dancing, while wearing a scowl on their face? While using electrodes and a car battery to shock the shit out of their heads? Oh, we guess we haven't gotten to that one yet ...

If you're trying to actually improve your brain performance, then "Electrocute it!" probably only seems like a viable option if you're assuming your brain works just like the robots in Short Circuit. Nevertheless, Australian researchers have created what they're calling "transcranial direct current stimulation" (or you can go with the catchier shorthand, "thinking cap"), which delivers electric currents into the brains of brave and possibly crazy test subjects in order to test whether they can supercharge their minds.

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First, you have to remove your brain ...

The researchers found that after admitting these weak electrical signals, participants were far more likely to solve complex riddles than the average person. If electricity was applied to the left brain in order to suppress its "linear" style of thinking, and a different kind of current sent to the right brain in order to increase cognitive flexibility, it caused the participants to solve these riddles at three times the rate of unstimulated participants.

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"The dead body was a goldfish! How remedial."

If you're like most people, however, you probably don't want to walk around with sponges, metal caps and electrical currents running into your brain 24/7. The good news is, you wouldn't have to -- amazingly, after unhooking the caps, the participants retained their complex riddle-solving abilities for six months.

Of course, these won't be available in homes anytime soon, since it seems like the potential for accidentally fried brains is pretty high. Honestly now, how many of you didn't just say to yourself, "If a little electrical current helps me think better, then I bet a lot would give me telepathy!" Yes, here's to a future where many a roommate comes home to a tragic scene involving electrical outlets and the smell of charred hair.

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Or even worse, a really hyper roommate, demanding, "Quick, ask me about some math!"

For other ways you can be more awesome, check out 5 Ways To Hack Your Brain Into Awesomeness and 5 Ways to Trick Your Body Into Being More Awesome.

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 3 Racist Incidents That Weren't Actually Racist.

And stop by LinkSTORM to learn how radiation + human body = superpowers. (Cracked.com is not responsible for horrifyingly painful deaths.)

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