The product's marketing pitch states that using these tools is much better than using your "rough, inept fingers." Well, that changes everything -- we didn't realize our fingers suddenly become less inept when we use them to clumsily hold a plastic tool that's headed for our eyes.
Butter Mill/Butter Cutter
Pepper mills stand proud among the handier kitchen gadgets; not only is their twisting motion curiously satisfying, the taste and tang of freshly ground black pepper is head and shoulders above the pre-ground stuff. Or at least there's some kind of placebo effect there, because it makes us feel so fancy.
So it comes as no surprise that the mill technique has been applied to other edibles. There are mills for salt, and herbs, and chili ... and, of course, butter. Um, what was that last thing?
Yes, people who feel intimidated by butter knives and common sense -- the Butter Mill is very much a thing. You load in a whole stick of butter and then press the plunger, thus ejaculating a ribbon of butter up to 10 feet long.
Because, let's be honest here -- who doesn't need 10 feet of butter?
This one comes with different patterns, not unlike your old Play-Doh Fun Factory.
Should you for some reason prefer more reasonable amounts of the stuff, there's always the One Click Butter Cutter:
Normally, putting butter on your toast involves getting a stick of butter and cutting a slice with a knife. Here's how you use the Butter Cutter:
So if we just set the timer, can it record Game of Thrones for us, too?
Yes, there's five steps you must take before you get to the actual butter cutting.
But again, how else are you going to fill all of that extra space in your gigantic kitchen? This will look great right next to your lime wedge inserter, ham dogger, salad dressing bottle shaking machine, spoon warmer and banana peeling centrifuge.
Tracy's started a Tumblr here, although she has so few followers that it's really kind of pathetic.
For more impractical items, check out The 10 Most Baffling Computer Gadgets Money Can Buy and 9 Self-Defense Gadgets Your Mugger Will Find Hilarious.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out Terrible Director Choices for Famous Movie Remakes