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Spiny Orb Weaver (Going as a Skulltula from The Legend of Zelda)

mossdude

Meet the spiny orb weaver. Now, good ol' Spiny up there doesn't need to dress up as anything scary; it's a spider. Just by existing, it has already made the world a slightly worse place. Instead, SOW likes to dress up in a fashion that honors its nerdy Nintendo fandom:

We checked three times to make sure this wasn't a portrait of Michael Fassbender.

That's a Skulltula from the Legend of Zelda series. If you don't recognize the character, try picturing it dropping down from the ceiling right as you prime yourself for a difficult jump, causing you to clumsily fall down a pit and start over from a checkpoint 20 minutes back. Although Skulltula is its technical name, you may know it better simply as "You rotten bastard!"

4

"Jason's Mask" Harvestman (Going as Take a Wild Guess)

Brian Lee

Say hello to the "Jason's mask" harvestman (actual name), the only known species of daddy longlegs to resemble a crazed serial killer from a horror flick. You can "thank" the Brazilian Amazon for introducing this skittering atrocity to the world. It was only discovered this past January, so researchers haven't even had time to think of a decent scientific name for it, hence the clumsy but unerring pop culture reference.

3

Lucihormetica luckae (Going as a Jawa from Star Wars)

Vršanský et al., Naturwissenschaften (2012)

This cockroach is operating on a very mistaken assumption: It thinks it can throw on a bathrobe and some custom LED goggles and coast off the inexplicable cuteness wave of the Jawas from Star Wars.

Vršanský et al., Naturwissenschaften (2012)
It's only adorable because you can't smell pictures.

To its credit, the roach almost pulls it off: If it weren't for the disturbing pockmarked surface of the mask and haphazard "mouth line," it would be a pretty sweet costume. It's even sort of got that adorable little pouch/bandolier running across the torso that all Jawas have.

But if you're still a little queasy about it, don't worry: Lucihormetica luckae is a bioluminescent roach found only on the slopes of Ecuador's Tungurahua volcano. But this roach isn't satisfied with simply glowing, as it is also the "first documented case of asymmetrical bioluminescence" ever found. This is science-speak for "weird, creepy face that glows in the dark." It's sort of like when your mom said she had eyes in the back of her head, only in this case the eyes aren't functional, but merely a defensive pattern to deter predators, and oh -- also your mom is a roach.

2

Death's-Head Hawkmoth (Going as the Grim Reaper)

Rachel Bicker

Low self-esteem? Overcompensation? Sons of Anarchy fan? Who knows why the death's-head hawkmoth wears the reaper on its back. All we know is that, despite the desperate transparency of a full-back skull tattoo, the little bugger is actually pulling off "don't mess with me" pretty well. It couldn't be more terrifying if the skull was actually made up of naked dead girls, a la its guest appearance on the poster for The Silence of the Lambs. (Have you ever looked really closely at it? Zoom and enhance, friends.)

Ah, its natural habitat -- some broad's face.

There are actually a few species called death's-head moths, but by far the coolest, and most famous, is Acherontia atropos. Not just because they're born with club colors already inked up, but because they barge into hives and steal honey from bees. Usually, this is a horrible idea. Bees are formidable adversaries and do not generally enjoy being home-invasioned. Even the Asian giant hornet, which is capable of destroying hundreds of bees single-handedly, won't try to force its way into the hive while there are guards on duty. It's suicide.

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Common Awl Skipper (Going as a Jack-o'-Lantern)

learn about butterflies

D'awww, wook at dat widdle guy. If we weren't such firm believers in the extinction of all insect-kind, we'd almost want to keep this tiny fella as a pet. This is the caterpillar form of the common awl skipper butterfly, a native of Southeast Asia. Its perfect little smiling jack-o'-lantern of a face might be unnerving on, say, a giant spider or some sort of parasitic devil-wasp, but slapped atop that goofy, roly-poly fuzzy body?

SoonChye
It's like the Headless Horseman, but with the body of a furry condom.

Pure cuteness. It's even a little clumsily done, like letting a kid apply her own costume makeup on Halloween night.

But, as we've mentioned before, ladybugs are red with black spots in order to let predators know that they're poisonous. More than likely, the awl evolved its perversely adorable look in order to trick others into thinking the same thing. And if that doesn't work, the fact that they EAT POISON might. Their favorite food is Derris elliptica, a toxic plant that doubles as an insecticide, a fish-stunner, and a core ingredient in poison-tipped arrows.

So, y'know, try not to snuggle too close.

E. Reid Ross also writes over at Man Cave Daily, and both he and Monte Richard mangle comics at RealToyGun.com. Ross is also the proud father of a brand new baby Twitter account.

Related Reading: Animals may be great at dressing up, but they're decades behind us in terms of traumatizing children via costumes. Look at that almost-naked Na'avi costume and argue with us. If your Halloween goals are more along the lines of "telling everyone you suck", try this ball pit costume. Close your Hallo-reading with these extremely regrettable sexy costumes.