As we've said before, Superman has appeared in a comic with literally everyone. But that doesn't just go for other superheroes and the Quik Bunny; the Man of Steel has also met countless celebrities, like that time he and Orson Welles fought Martian Hitler.
Supes totally saved Welles' "rosebud" from that dick shot.
In this story from 1950, Welles has just finished shooting a movie when he comes across an experimental rocket to Mars and manages to lock himself inside right before it launches. Once on Mars, the director of Citizen Kane realizes that the Martians are huge fans of Hitler. Their leader even calls himself "Martler" and grew a little mustache.
He also had one of his Martian gonads removed for full accuracy.
Welles tosses the Nazi space dwarf aside and sends a message to Earth warning about the Martian invasion -- unfortunately, no one believes him because of that time he trolled them with that War of the Worlds hoax.
"Wait, that's my colonoscopic vision. Perry should get that ass-troid checked out."
And then Welles and Superman end the invasion by using Martler's unconscious body as a ventriloquist dummy to broadcast a peaceful message to all of his followers.
Dammit, if only the Allies had thought of this during World War II.
There was also the time Don Rickles agreed to make a one-page cameo in a Jimmy Olsen issue, but then comic legend Jack Kirby (the same man who "adapted" 2001: A Space Odyssey into a comic about a robot superhero) took that one page and turned it into a deranged two-issue saga featuring Rickles' crazy spandex-wearing twin. Rickles was shocked.
"So that's why Kirby asked for those photos of me in my underwear ..."
But the most unnerving guest appearance in a Superman comic has to be the time he met President John F. Kennedy ... after Kennedy was dead. Months before his assassination, the Superman writers had prepared a whole mini-storyline where JFK knew Superman's secret identity and helped him protect it by dressing up as Clark Kent. The comics ended up coming out just a few months after Kennedy was shot to death.
That's, um, a rather unfortunate choice of words there.
So think about it: One day thousands of kids in America opened an issue of Superman that promised a surprise guest star inside (the cover said "Who is the mystery masquerader?"), only to find out on the last page that it was their recently dead president. No wonder Don Draper's kids in Mad Men are so messed up.
Maxwell Yezpitelok is a serial creator of dumb Tumblrs. Check out his latest Superman-themed one if you're a nerd.
Related Reading: These aren't the only insane celebrity cameos we can dig up- not even close. And Jay Leno teaming up with Spider-Man won't sound half as crazy when you've watched him beat up Hulk Hogan. If, wracked with the throes of addiction, you simply must have a STRONGER hit of ridiculous celebrity cameos, we give you this list of famous Americans in Japanese ads.