CRACKED ROUND-UP: It isn't Summer Yet? Edition

Seriously, it's like a hundred degrees outside right now. Some lady just keeled over from heat-stroke in front of our building, and the ambulance guys still haven't moved to help her. They're just sitting inside their little air conditioned bus, waiting. We tried to fry an egg on the pavement earlier and it evaporated before hitting the ground.

What do you mean it isn't summer yet? Who decides this shit?

With great Internet power comes great Internet responsibility. Cody learned this lesson the hard way when he accidentally ruined the lives of some random fort-building hippies. Soren Bowie took at a look at the laziest commercials in advertising history. Thought nobody watched TV ads any more? You thought wrong. Just like Brockway when he thought buying a classic car meant anything other than answering questions about classic cars all day long. Last off, Dan O'Brien took a look at Bruce Wayne if he had to pick up chicks like the rest of us.

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7 Memes That Went Viral Before the Internet Existed
There's nothing new under the sun. Not even 4chan.

Notable Comment:"Oh my god.... People who live on the internet are no more mature than the people who built society."

Scary-Mike, can you really look outside and assume the world operates any other way?

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8 Terrifying Skeletons of Adorable Animals
We've always expected rabbits were hiding something. Now we know exactly what.

Notable Comment: "Hippos are aggressive, dangerous animals that kill more people than tigers in the wild. They're not exactly 'cute'."

Sorry, MasterKat, but some of us happen to find murdering tourists adorable.

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6 Hugely Popular Books that Accidentally Screwed the World
Maybe that rising illiteracy rate isn't such a bad deal after all.

Notable Comment:"And Dr. Spock also advocated daily enemas before bed."

There's nothing ludicrous about keeping regular blindthrall. An enema a day keeps the colon monsters at bay.

9 Acts of Vigilantism Straight Out of a Comic Book
These folks are putting in extra hours of Badass until Batman gets off his butt and starts existing.

Notable Comment:"Some of these need to be adapted into movies."

You'd do something so horrible to these brave people, megdoll?

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The 6 Most Ridiculous Things Ever Taxed
Taxing fat people would be a great way to start the world's sweatiest riot.

Notable Comment: "Great article! Poor Vespasian. Some Emperors are remembered for being amazing, some for being crazy, and he's remembered for... pee."

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In some circles, Orangeblossom, so is Caligula.

5 Second Films
The Manliest Meeting Ever
This is how Cracked handles every meeting.

Awful Romantic Comedies They'll Probably Make Next
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Other Things the CIA is Keeping From Us, If Classic Movies Got Video Game Adaptations and The Fastest Way to Get Fired.
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Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.


Pedal of Honor
by chicagopoetry

Editor's pick:

He delivers more newspapers before 7:00 AM than most paperboys do all day.
by Julius_Goat


The original project was somehow rejected. It was supposed to be a fountain.
by number123

Editor's pick:

We never saw eye to eye on things, but for some reason I didn't mind.
by AssHolyroller


It takes two weeks for a douchebag larvae to complete its metamorphosis into a hipster.
by Julius_Goat

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Editor's pick:

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Sure, when they do it it's called art, but when I do it it's homicide.
by 87gn


Clown suicides are way more fun to investigate.
by Rockout

Editor's pick:

I... don't want to see the porn being made in there. I think.
by oskhen


"You ever have one of those nights when you've had a little too much to drink and you end up buying some shit on eBay you don't really need?"
by Mario!!!

Editor's pick:

"Yes, yes, it's long, hard, and full of sea men. Anyone have a serious question for me?"
by LaughingTarget


"No... No, you gotta... You gotta press '2' to jump to the... No, see, you missed a... No wait, there's the... Oh, fuck it. Just give it to me. I'll beat this level."
by Linux fan

Editor's pick:

Even a Man o' War needs a night out on the town with his Woman o' Love every once in awhile.
by Mario!!!


The fourth little pigs house was made of ramen.
by hadleydb

Editor's pick:

People who live in spaghetti houses shouldn't throw sauce.
by jtklove

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