The 6 Deadliest Creatures (That Can Fit In Your Shoe)

Will I Be Alright?

Probably not. Extensive research via wikipedia yielded this result:

"Currently no effective antidote exists for the treatment of batrachotoxin poisoning."

So unless you're leimadophis epinephelus, a breed of snake that can consume the frogs (if you're reading this, you're probably not), stay the fuck away.

You'll need both of these. And a bucket. And several small miracles.

"Paresthesias of the lips and tongue are followed by sialorrhea, sweating, headache, weakness, lethargy, ataxia, incoordination, tremor, paralysis, cyanosis, aphonia, dysphagia, seizures, dyspnea, bronchorrhea, bronchospasm, respiratory failure, coma, and hypotension. Gastroenteric symptoms are often severe and include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and abdominal pain. Cardiac arrhythmias may precede complete respiratory failure and cardiovascular collapse."

And you probably haven't even made it to dry land yet.

Will I Be Alright?

That depends on how competent the people around you are. There is no cure for the cone snail's venom, and treatment is simply based on how long your rescuers can keep you alive while your body pisses, shits and vomits the toxins out. If the people saving you haven't already fled the scene of your body exploding from every orifice, their CPR is simply meant to keep you breathing until you've shat the last little bit of venom out.

What's this Funny Feeling?

Or no feeling, as it turns out. The beak of the golf ball-sized bottom feeder is strong enough to pierce through wetsuit gloves and give the handler a fatal dose of venom. You probably won't feel the toxins, at first. That's only because you'll be completely paralyzed. But believe us when we tell you that you'll begin to feel pain when you realize you can't breathe.

You don't need to point. We see it.

The venom from these tiny sea creatures is created by the bacteria that live in their air sacs. The deadly cocktail contains ten toxins in all, designed to leave you paralyzed and yet completely aware of your surroundings.

Will I Be Alright?

Like the cone snail attack, it all depends on how much the people around you know about what's happened. If they realize that you've been bitten by a blue-ringed octopus (whose venom is powerful enough to kill 26 human beings within a couple of minutes), rescue breathing may keep you alive.

But if no one is aware of what happened, you'll probably just appear dead to the world. Nobody will know that you're paralyzed and can't breathe. As they pack you into a body bag, your body reflexively shitting itself, your one final thought will be: "Man, fuck Australia."

What's this Funny Feeling?

It's six different fast-acting neurotoxins that are about to make you drop into the fetal position. The venom from a deathstalker is meant to completely immobilize its prey so that--you guessed it--it can eat it alive.

Thankfully, you're much bigger than anything a deathstalker eats. Or are you?

Here it is, deathstalking. Or stalking death. Whatever. Something horrifying.

Will I Be Alright?

It's called the fucking deathstalker. What do you think?

It causes several deaths annually. If you're a healthy, strapping adult you can probably make it out alive. Kids, the elderly and geek types whose bodies have atrophied from years of video games, won't be so lucky.

Source: Science.

While not every bite has enough hellfire to take down a fully-grown man, it should be noted that another effect of the spider's bite is priapism (named after the Greek god with wooden balls). "What's that?" you ask. Well friends, imagine taking viagra and achieving that rock-hard boner you've been looking for, but instead of a little blue pill helping you achieve it, it's that thing up there. And instead of it being a pleasurable experience to your loins, it's extremely painful and lasts for hours. And fixing it may involve the doctor puncturing your dick with a sharp object to release the blood.

Will I Be Alright?

Remember that "most aggressive spider" thing we mentioned? Well the Spawn of Satan also has another common title: "World's Deadliest Spider." If that dose of neurotoxin and serotonin goes unchecked, it will shut down your body. Permanently. Luckily these nightmare-inducing monsters reside in the warm climates of South America. After all, when are you ever going to be in South America?

Oh hey, and remember when we said they like to hide in dark corners? One of their favorite spots is in shipping containers, such as boxes of bananas. Oh, and you might also run into one at the hospital.

"I- Wait a minute, you're not my doctor. You're not my doctor!