The Japanese come to the rescue again with the portable washlet, invented for those people who can't stand how public toilets don't squirt them in the ass with water. So now they take this little device, fill it with water, extend "the wand," jam their hand between their legs in the bathroom stall and squirt around until they hit the bull's-eye and achieve satisfaction.
Once again there is surely no possibility of a mortifying mishap when using this device, even if, say, a wacky friend decides to fill it with maple syrup.
One of the worst things about public toilets, aside from hobos bathing in them, shit on the seats, piss on the seats, piss on the floors, shit on the floors, people having sex in the them, a lack of toilet paper, no doors, George Michael, shit on the walls, clogged toilets, pay toilets, someone's love juices on the lock, no hand towels, crappy dryers that don't work and no hot water, is the damned heroin addicts.
Who wants to go into a bathroom and have no idea the guy in the next stall is shooting up until sometime later in the week they hear about it on the news? Well now there's nothing to worry about, beyond those 16 other things we mentioned, thanks to blue light rest rooms.