So we've got inflamed, uncomfortable Humorrhoids due to the increased straining that expelling a week's worth of comedy articles can put on a person. The details of this condition aren't too pleasant, but suffice it to say that we've got a buttload of comedy for you to look at and we can no longer go bike riding because it hurts like a son of a bitch.
A few lessons learned in high school: Columbus discovered America in 1492, a simile is a comparison using "like" or "as," and if you throw chalk at your professor, he will break every goddamn bone in your body.
While this is a strong list, OneMore points us to this guy
, who leaves our crazy teachers in the dust. The violent, unnecessarily abusive dust.
Do you have what it takes to avoid death at the hands of some of cinema's scariest monsters? That depends. Do you have legs and at least 30% of a functioning brain?Notable Comment:
Very Dissapointed was, not surprisingly, very disappointed with our list. Very complained "What the fuck. You couldnt think of Jaws
? Dont go near the water for jaws." We hate to point this out, but
wasn't a monster. He was a shark, like you might find at an aquarium. Thanks for the tip, though!
Dear Germany: Stick to beer, cars and funny accents. Leave the Halloween costumes to some of the less creepy and perverted countries. Thank you. Notable Comment:
Concerned German Solflare says "The myth about Germans believing Alf and David Hasselhoff are related is hugely overblown in the U.S. We only believed it for a short time in the late '80s. Please stop perpetuating this hurtful and embarassing stereotype." You heard it here first folks: The Germans would totally bone an Alf-Hasselhoff hybrid if only technology would permit it.
Here's our warning, and we're only giving it once: Read this article in doses. Taken all at once, this article will cause you to OD on kicking ass, and we don't want a bunch of thoroughly inspired corpses on our hands.
OK. We kinda do.
Jamie says, "Congratulations on your first article that made me laugh so hard I almost got fired!" Almost isn't good enough, gentlemen, so step it up. Next time, we put her ass on the street.
Think you've got an original script on your hand? Well, just be careful. If this article is any indication, simply by including either ponytails or automobiles in your movie, some studio may rename your script