The 7 Most Easily Escapable Movie Monsters
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When victim and movie monster square off, it's not exactly a chess match. Here's seven monsters that anyone with working legs and the IQ of a well-trained Dalmatian could escape. Samara Morgan from The Ring
How will she kill you?
How can you win? Since nobody seems to have tried this, we don't know if she'll wait, biting her non-nails in your cathode ray tube until the new season of Battlestar Galactica starts and you have to come back. Also, maybe try to mess with her. Can she come out of a laptop? A video iPod? Go to a TV store and you'll probably get a Scooby Doo-esque chase scene with the two of you running in and out of screens. If all else fails, run out the clock in a sports stadium with Jumbo Vision and take a lot of innocent people with you.
How will it kill you? How can you win? Also, it seems to have a bomb built inside it somewhere, activated by pushing buttons on its wrist.
If you can wait until it's asleep and turn that thing on, all you have to do is run. Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How will he kill you? How can you win? Also, don't talk to anyone within 150 miles of a Leatherface encounter. Every single one of them is related to him and wants to eat your succulent young flesh. Just keep driving until you’re not in Texas any more. The demon Pazuzu from The Exorcist
How will he kill you? How can you win? The demon will probably be frustrated enough to leave at this point, and if not, hey, just go somewhere else and get drunk. We should add a disclaimer that the possessed girl will most likely die, but this article is about how you can survive. Michael Myers from Halloween
How will he kill you? How can you win? With this knowledge, maintain a brisk walking pace in an open area such as a field. With no objects to suddenly appear from behind, Myers will soon be just a tall man alone in a field, stabbing at some cows.
If he does make it into your house or similar enclosed area, call the police, but try not to make any reference to an indestructible ghost-giant killing machine. This will inevitably lead to a single skeptical officer arriving at your door, finding no evidence whatsoever, and then being killed in your presence later on, having learned a valuable lesson about trust. NOTE: This section can also be applied to Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th.
How will he kill you?
How can you win? This tactic can equally be applied to the Body Snatchers, creditors and minor inconveniences. Also, if you suspect one of your enemies is The Thing, smile! He or she died a painful death before getting taken over. The Blair Witch from The Blair Witch Project
How she kill you?
How can you win? The Blair Witch is, however, old, dead and picks on children. If you are reading this distinctly adult-oriented site, you should be old enough to just punch her in the face and stroll away, possibly walking on her lawn in the process. |
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Well, for the observant victim, Samara's main weakness is that you know when she's going to come get you. That is, in seven days, right down to the fucking minute. One would think the obvious thing to do would be to step outside and leave the TV behind. Go camping maybe.
The Predator's weakness is honor. Even Schwarzenegger realized this, since he noticed it butchered everyone in the film except for the helpless woman they had taken hostage. Using this knowledge to your advantage, smear yourself with feces and crawl weeping toward it. Wrap yourself around its shin and rock back and forth, making as much mess and noise as possible. The 
Leatherface is stupid. Really, inbred-to-the-point-of-extinction stupid. Your recourse is to be smart. Not even that smart, just stop running and screaming for two fucking minutes. If you get out of his line of sight and keep your trap shut, he'll forget you exist and wander home to play with LEGOs.
Don't listen to him. You've likely been given the advice that he'll mix lies and truth to fuck with you, the trick is to pay no attention to either. There's always the chance that your mother does suck cocks in hell, but there's not really a lot you can do about it, is there? Have a cup of tea and nod thoughtfully at each of his points, and then counter with a quote from a popular cartoon or anime series.
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What about Pinhead? If you find a weird puzzle box given to you by a merchant asking you about sadomasochistic desires, DO NOT SOLVE THE f****n' BOX! Burn it. That makes Pinhead quite escapable. Just don't open the box and you're cool.
As for Mrs Blair Witch, you They could have just said 'f**k it', turned off the camera and BURNT THE FOREST TO THE GROUND
You could not escape Michael for many good reasons. First off, yes he doesn't run but unlike retards like Leatherface and Jason or just plain idiots like Freddy and Chucky, Michael's smart. If he hears that you're locking all the doors and boarding up all the windows of your house so he can't get in, he'll get in beforehand. He knows all the shortcuts. Secondly you can run but eventually you'll tire out from all that sprinting whilst Michael will be full of energy from just having a nice stroll. Thirdly f you live in Haddonfield you can't really leave because of the crappy economy so Michael'll be comin' to getcha! So you can't really sell your house to evade him. Plus no matter how many bullets you empty into him, no many how many times you stab him, no matter how many balconies you throw him from, no matter how many times you set him on fire, no matter how many times you run him over, no matter how many times you beat him with a pipe, no matter who many times you poison him, no matter how many times you hang him, no matter how many times you electrocute him, Michael will always be back for your guts next Halloween. He's the one slasher villain who's virtually inescapable.
You should show pictures from any Halloween except the first one. He walked normally in the original. Then they got lazy with the scripting and just made him walk like a retard for the next half dozen movies to help the chase scenes. It's a major reason why they all sucked balls after the original.
Perfect example: compare A) Michael coming down the stairs after Laurie in Part 1; with B) Michael coming down the stairs after Laurie in the hospital in Part 2. It's pathetic.
Ok so I am fully confident that there will someday be a Zombie invasion. This being said I recommend you all read "The Zombie Survival Guide." Though written as though it spawned from a Cracked writers mind (I love you Cracked) it certainly contains some very helpful tips for surviving the invasion. Must read for all.
ME_Also- Thanks, I actually know a hell of a lot about Zombies because even though I am terrified of them, my DVD collection is mostly made up of the Zombie genre so that I know what to do. But what your saying is good advice.
I have many plans of action for Z-day depending on the type, cause, intelligence, speed and general nuance of the Zombies in question.
My gripe is this. Every time I tell someone that I have Kinmortophobia their first reaction is to laugh in my face and then pretend to be a Zombie but we shall see whos laughing on the other side of their faces when I have made a Planet Terror style Utopia and the rest of you dismissive cynics are shambling about outside of it with half of the "other side of your face" OFF!!!
Yeah thats right.......OFF!!
Ouch, coincidence.
How she kill you?
God, I love the smell of typo i the morning.
Samara: simplest method is to just not watch the tape. if you get a weird unmarked tape, destroy it. don't watch it, just destroy it
Predator: it won't attack you if you're unarmed or unable to fight. in other words, don't attack it.
Leatherface: stay the f**k away from Texas. 'nuff said.
Pazuzu: the article may be right, but it missed what to do if the demon tries to freak you out with projectile vomiting or spinning the possessee's head 360 degrees.
Michael Meyers: haul ass. don't fight him, just run.
The Thing: stay the f**k away from it, and avoid arctic research stations.
Blair Witch: unless she scares you to death, stay the f**k away from her.
that is all ^.^
to the person asking about zombies, me and several of my friends have studied all types of zombies and have figured that there are two species of zombies, each with different sub species. the first would be the traditional undead zombie. these ones are slow, dumb, and usually have an easy to remove head. to avoid these ones, simply equip yourself with a blunt object and aim for the head. alot of the time there will be some curse or reason for the zombies. just eliminate the source and good bye zombies.
the second species would be the infected zombies. these ones tend to be faster and sometimes more intelligent. but they almost always have a fatal mistake, depending on the infection. find the weakness and address it with several large guns. some even are vulnarable to certain high pitched noises.
for almost all species of zombies, however, light is deadly. so do what you need to in the day, and set up camp at night and wait for them.
My friends and I have discussed The Ring a lot after it came out. But it doesn't seem that the victims have to be near a TV on the seventh day for Samara to get them. Weren't Katie's guy friends in a car when they all simultaneously experienced heart failure?
When Samara goes for Noah, she does that blitz thing towards him. I guess if he was away from the TV she would blitz a longer distance to catch him.
Just saying.
Ya know, another reason why I would have been a terrible choice to be in the blair witch is that I never go camping deep woods without a gun or two. Mainly because of the coyotes and the fact that I live in the sticks with spooooookkkkyyy hicks. I wonder how that would have looked on film.
" Whats out side our tent?!"
" I dunno. Gimme a second."
(Begins wild firing into the empty woods with a shotgun.
" Huh. It got quiet all of a sudden."
See kids? Guns solve all the problems!
i don't think anyone knew HOW samara was going to kill them.
I think i meant kinemortophobia..............
Having said that it could still be the wrong spelling. :S
What about zombies???? I have kinemotophobia which is a severe fear of the undead (which I know is ridiculous but it only has to happen once!! Z-day is an apocalyptic scenarion didnt you know?)
Anyhoo, my point is that zombies (traditional zombies that rise from hell, not the new "diseased zombies") are probably the scariest things ever but having said that, theyre only scary if they catch you. Which is quite avoidable if there are only one or two shambling towards you with an arm off.
The terrifying thing about zombies is that even if you get scratched, you are one and that there is never just one or two, they hang out in big swarms waiting to eat your face off!! Bad times :(
But you could totally get away from just the one me finks??
Man they are gonna invade my dreams big style tonight.......Sob :(
i have to agree with mac_damage. halloween is not suspensful or scary in the least.i don't get why so many people like it.
Damn it's lame when arguments turn to how long it takes to drive out of somewhere.
to lovesthebj: I live in texas. Driving north from where I live, It would take at least 14 hours to get out of the state. The quickest route, from here to Louisiana would be at least 8 hours maybe 9. If my escape is to New Mexico, I'm in trouble, that's also 13-14 hours of long driving. And if you were driving from Louisiana to New Mexico that's at least a 16-17 hour drive. I suggest you consider mapquest or a road atlas before talking s**t. Also, saying it takes 3 days is a technique commonly called hyperbole. This website uses it often. Its funny. If you have a sense of humor, you laugh. However, you seem to be lacking in this particular sense, so check out cnn. Not funny at all.
'If you get out of his line of sight and keep your trap shut, he'll forget you exist and wander home to play with LEGOs.'
Hehe! Although now I really want to play with LEGOs, too...
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That was always my opinion, Flashpenny. Some people just can't help themselves; my best friend wants to have Pinhead's babies. My first thought? That's gonna hurt like HELL on the way out!