The 30 Most Unsettling German Halloween Costumes
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According to some very expensive market research we conducted, this Halloween more than 75 percent of Cracked readers are planning on dressing up as Napoleon Dynamite, again. As we lament the sad state of America’s proudest holiday, inevitably the question arises, "How do the Germans practice Halloween? Are they much better at it than us? Like they are with pornography?" It turns out that the answer is no. Despite their mastery of over the top, noholds-barred erotica, the German people have little to no skill at coming up with Halloween costumes that aren’t baffling or terrifying. Below we illustrate the most unsettling examples we could find.
"Of course you can use the phone; he’s standing over there. Oh, you, uh, have to dial ‘0’ to get an outside line. I know it’s normally ‘9.’ It’s weird. No, you’ll have to press harder than that; it’s a little sticky."
This is a pretty typical entry in the canon of unsettling German Halloween costumes. The combination of a grey,felt suit and a bizarrely realistic head, make this look like something out of a dream sequence in a David Lynch film.
Here’s the great emancipator, who, judging by his expression, is scheming up ways to emancipate children from their clothes.
A kangaroo costume isn’t a bad idea if you’re attending a party, as it gives you a convenient place to store food and drink. We’ll tell you from experience, reaching into your nether regions and pulling out a handful of onion dip is a great way to make conversation. Or, end it.
If we’re being generous, we’ll assume this is a friendly tadpole costume, and not a green sperm costume. Although, we’re frankly leaning towards the latter, given that it’s carrying around a towel, possibly to wipe itself off a magazine.
We’re not entirely sure what the cane adds to this costume. We guess it’s a good way to class it up a bit, and probably comes in handy if you need to fend off the cell phone guy when he gets too grabby.
In classical mythology, Neptune is one of the mightiest Gods, second only to Zeus in power. In Germany, he’s a skinny, lime-green Santa Claus.
Most people have heard that David Hasselhoff is extremely and unreasonably popular in Germany, but few know that Alf enjoys a similarly successful music career there, as well. This is because many Germans mistakenly believe the two are related.
According to the website we found it on, this costume is called "America Boy." Given that the costume is covered in the Union Jack, this is a title that misses the mark by just a whisker. This is actually a pretty good example of the kind of geographical blunder Americans are always getting blamed for.
In German culture, the teddy bear is terrible authority figure used to warn children about the dangers of constipation. Continue the freak show! |
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concerning all the dudes in blackface - Americans find this offensive, but should note that no one over there minds, not even black people, because they know it's all in good fun.
like the things posted below about Sinterklaas - no one takes offense, because it's a tradition that was never meant in a racist way.
but of course, for Americans, it probably brings back memories of a time when black people where forced to sit on the back of the bus and entertainers played black people with brown paint on their face.
anyway, a little understanding please...
Dude, I would actually wear the dreidel costume, it's cute.
Ah Germany, how I wish to move there.
Dreidl costume in Germany? You would think that would be outlawed by now. They've outlawed everything else Nazi-esqe. Rightfully so.
i like the last one
oh wow, I've just been censored myself. I guess it then must make sense... the word was n e g r o. or egronay, anayway, I'm just trying to get a point across. Or is someone getting paid for recognizing all 'profanity' and spending the day changing letters to a*******s?
... the utterly insulting black dude (yes the one that deserved the comment 'holy f**k' is a Dutch invention. If you are willing to be shocked right after thanksgiving, there's loads of these buggers on the streets for Sinterklaas. They are called Zwarte Piet, which could translate to "Black Pete". The dutch also used to have a kind of candy that was named negerzoen, which translates into 'n***o kiss'. Though being a rather unoffensive creamfilled chocolate on a wafer, the term negerzoen was banned from the dutch vocabulary recently. The name of the chocolate is censored to just 'kiss'. Zwarte Piet is, however, still going strong every frigging year. And yes, he is the servant of a very white man. If you feel like it, look up sinterklaas any time
Imapepper:
Of course the dreidl is flipping everyone off. It's stuck in f*****g Germany. As in Germany. Remember WWII? Yeah. That Germany. If I were a giant dreidl, I'd flip them off too.
I see Hilary Clinton! She's there! There!
is it just me or does the cell phone have a camel toe?
hahahahaha f**k I nearly pissed myself laughing at the indian with the peace pipe in his hand... I need to buy that costume where can I get it?
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http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=bfa4055a7d13cd430dde&page=1&viewtype=&category=mr
those adult costumes that look like small children are a bit creepy. looks like the start to a pediphile's career in child molesting. "look kiddies, i look like you so you can trust me! let's go behind the garage so i can show you something really neat!"
http://islamoblog.blogspot.com
PALIN gets PRANKED by Sarkozy impersonator!
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when Germans go back to the sexual costume, they're completely at home... love the psycho male nurse (below the dwarves). Everything else is completely insane.
f**k you n00b
it sort of looks like the dreydl is flipping everyone off...
Russell Brand's crude remarks to Fawlty Towers Star on BBC Radio
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that guy with the curly hair and glasses isn't supposed to be Davin Hasselhoff, that's a German "comedian" named Atze Schröder.