‘South Park’ Fans Say the Conservative Corruption of Jesus Is ‘Super Depressing’

Jesus Christ didn’t die for our sins just so that ultra-conservatives with botched plastic surgery bodies could invoke his name in their bigotry, but, as the Bible says, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

In last night’s new episode of South Park, “Twisted Christian,” the Son of God and the South Park Elementary guidance counselor opened up to P.C. (Power Christian) Principal about his worry that he “doesn’t belong” in the modern American culture that claims to champion his message. After Jesus spent his entire first life on Earth teaching us to love our neighbor, heal the sick, feed the hungry and not commit mass atrocities against immigrants, the Messiah felt adrift in a modern culture that celebrates selfish cruelty while nestling a cross necklace between gigantic fake tits.

However, after suffering one of P.C. Principal’s classic bathroom beat-downs in the third act of “Twisted Christian,” Jesus closed the episode by resolving to become more like far-right American Christian bullies. After Jesus served as South Park, Colorado’s much-needed voice of reason and empathy throughout Season 27, now, in Season 28, right-wing zealots have finally forced Jesus to follow their example instead of the other way around.

Following the cliffhanger conclusion of “Twisted Christian,” South Park fans mourned how Jesus has gone from turning the other cheek to turning heel.

In the post-episode discussion thread about “Twisted Christian” in the South Park subreddit, fans expressed their dismay that the divine Son of God has seemingly given in to P.C. Principal’s violent, hateful and silicon-stuffed brand of Christianity. “Jesus giving in to the modern Christian bullshit was lowkey sad as fuck,” the top commenter wrote.

“That hurt more than Towelie,” another South Park fan agreed, referencing how Randy doomed Towelie to be Donald Trump’s cum rag during in the recent episode “Sickofancy.”

“I’m really hoping that this is all part of some secret plan to eventually put a stop to this nonsense… but man, idk,” another dismayed fan said of Christ’s conclusion in the new episode.

On that point, the other main plot thread in “Twisted Christian” also ended on a bit of an unresolved down note, as Peter Thiel took Cartman away to Washington, D.C. after he fell under the corruption of the apparently Satanic “6-7” meme. 

Presumably, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have bigger plans for the Savior than just ripping off his sleeves and having him shack up with his face-filler Mary Magdalene. However, seeing how modern conservative Christians are probably going to continue to go against all of Christ's teachings over the next two weeks, the following beat in Jesus’ character arc may be even darker.

Many South Park fans are simply in shock over Jesus’ rebrand, with one writing, “I cannot believe Jesus got corrupted to new Christianity. That is actually super depressing.”

Another user agreed, adding, “I miss when chopping up Scott Tenorman’s parents and turning them into chili was the darkest part of South Park...”

Still, some South Park fans aren’t ready to give up on the Son of God, even during this dark time in his life. “Not sure how I feel about Jesus giving into the white trash Christian way but I’m hoping he can turn it around,” one commenter opined.

After all, if the real Jesus is still in there underneath the sleeveless T-shirt and dirtbag mustache, then those who know him well can always count on him for a comeback.