Donald Trump Is Confused on Exactly How Abortions Work on ‘South Park’
We’re pretty far along with the Season 27 plot line of South Park’s President Donald Trump impregnating Satan through anal sex. We’ve already seen the animated, ultra-tiny penis’d Trump try to force an abortion on Satan by pushing him down the stairs, drowning him in cat feces and poisoning his soup. All of these efforts were unsuccessful. (And they seriously injured the Federal Communications Commissioner Brendan Carr.)
By Episode Six, Trump is really desperate to get rid of the Antichrist growing in Satan’s womb. Baby JD Vance is still planting seeds in the president’s head, as he too wants the fetus aborted. This time, the vice president congratulates Trump on closing every abortion clinic in the country — except the one right there in Washington D.C.
Cut to Trump waiting in a Planned Parenthood. When the nurse calls out for a “Miss Davidson? Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?” Trump jumps and says, “Oh yeah, that’s me!”
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Trump then meets with the doctor, who is a bit dumbfounded when Trump immediately drops his suit pants, hops up onto the table and puts his feet into the stirrups. The move exposes Trump’s tiny penis and his — I hate to say it — visibly throbbing anus. The president then goes into a stage whisper: “Hey doc, I need you to perform an abortion, but it’s not for me, it’s for my partner. And you can’t tell anyone — not even my partner.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” the doctor replies.
“You’re going to come with me, see, and you’re going to sneak into my house, and you’re going to suck that thing out while everyone’s asleep,” Trump explains. The doctor quickly shuts down the scheme, confronting the president about his true identity. The doctor also admits he wouldn’t know how to perform an abortion on Satan. Hijinks ensue as Trump continues to seek out other ways to get Satan to abort the baby.
Trump seems to understand the basic concepts of abortion in South Park, and even has some of the basest understandings of the mechanics of such a medical procedure (vacuum aspiration is very common for in-clinic procedures). What he doesn’t seem to understand is that you can’t just show up and get the abortion on behalf of someone else. Beyond the whole concept of consent (Trump’s South Park morality is totally past that), Trump’s attempt to bring the doctor to secretly perform the abortion in the middle of the night implies he doesn’t really understand the logistics of performing one. Just like his attempts to force a misscarriage during the previous episode, Trump is no closer to ridding himself of his love child with Satan.
Still, I’m willing to bet that the South Park version of Donald Trump has a more in-depth understanding of the medical procedure than the real man, who recently blamed acetaminophen (a word he can’t pronounce) for causing autism.
