9 Tips for Being a Douchebag at the Grocery Store
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You forgot to mention the people who yell at the cashier because he won't take his coupons.
Replyf**k people that wait behind me to get out. i'll sit there and watch a f*****g movie on hummer's flat screen.
ReplyYeah, it's annoying when people sit there waiting for my spot, but not nearly annoying as any civilian who drives a hummer.
There is no such thing a a 'civilian' who drives a hummer. Only douchebags.
They forgot to add "stand at register for as long as possible (on a busy day) arguing about the price and accusing the checker of incompetence until, A) the customers in line behind you form a lynch mob! or B) the cashier is in tears and a manager has been called"
Replythis is brilliant! i'm going to put it on facebook so all my friends can see it and then write as interesting a comment as this under it.
ReplyI am a cashier at a grocery store and I agree with some of the stuff in this article but not all of it makes me overly pissed off or anything. Somethings are minor annoyances that just become bigger annoyances because they happen all the time. There are somethings that I find really frustrating and saddening though. Sometimes I question how some of these people that have complaints function in everyday life. Some of the things people get angry about you would think that the world was ending tomorrow. So what if you take home 12 cans of soup instead of 24 or you don't get to take home extra toilet paper to wipe your ass with. I mean to be fair food and other neccessities can be expensive but making a scene because you can't take twice as much as the limit is rediculous. I mean I can never picture myself getting that pissed off to make snide remarks or talk to the cashier like it's their fault for something so idiotic. Don't people have better things to do with their time than acting exaggerated and out of hand?
ReplySome minor annoyances:
-People asking where things are when the aisle clearly states where they are and even where in the aisle (because it matches the placement in the sign if you pay attention)------but than this is also understandable because it is generally faster to ask someone
-Complaining to the cashier about something that is clearly not their fault (ex. a price sticker not on the item and having to wait for a sticker, no one responding to pages, a wrong price that is a fault of the system-ex. item scans at diff. price), etc. ----it's just something you have to deal with in a retail job
-People who take forever to pay when there is a big line up (the worst is when this happens on express because than there are twice as many annoyed customers waiting to go thru)
-Customers who say awkward or rude things ...I'm surprised more people don't complain about this type of thing honestly.
We don't care
I loved this chart
ReplyThe worst is when parents let their kids slobber all over their items before they have been rang through. They don't even bother to wipe them down.
ReplyI would play this game.
ReplyI like to be an @ss by taking the empty cart and ramming it into the side of the store from 50ft away:)
ReplyGroups of teenagers/ women that walk right next to each other, and slowly, in the aisles so they can talk but keeps anyone from passing them are annoying as f*ck
ReplySo, what you're saying is that I *shouldn't* wear my 8bit crown to the grocer's?
ReplyHonestly people, its not hard to put the cart in the goddamn corral!
ReplyT J Maxx isn't a grocery store I know, but I've been to it in two different towns, and I think there is just something about that store that makes people, usually women around 40, park their carts in the middle of an aisle and have you weasel your way around them.
ReplySo I'm reading article ho hum what a laugh but so far I don't think the author is worthy of the title of "Douche King". I get to the part were he throws the shopping cart into handicap parking, looks at inventory sees a copy of "THE GAME", I rage then stop to contemplate...well played Douche King.
ReplyDamn you, I didn't see that until you pointe it out.
If you don't know how to use the Self-Checkout machines, don't freaking use them. There is nothing more maddening than waiting to check out a few items behind an old man trying to scan a single onion. "It needs a barcode to scan, or you type in the item number on the little produce sticker there..." "What's a barcode?" "Goddamnit...."
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesJust help the old man out. Geez. He's just trying to learn.
"What's a barcode?"maybe you can visit onbarcode website. they have relevant info about it.
If the man doesn't know what a barcode is, do you think he knows what a website is?
I think that might have been the joke.......
Listening to people hacking their lungs up in the grocery store is torture for me, and it doesn't matter if it's another shopper spewing phlegm all over the produce section or a cashier sharing her flu with everyone who goes through the speedy checkout lane.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesI'm really sorry that some people have to go to work or run their errands when they're feeling miserable, but the rest of us do not want to share your germs with you. Please, get that cough under control with a trip to the bathroom or at least a handkerchief.
I can't afford insurance. I have to go to work when I have f*****g strep throat. f**k you.
That doesn't excuse the lack of common decency people tend to display when engaging the public while ill.
What a surprise, you ask politely for people to cover their mouths when they cough and they reply with "fuck you". f**k you too, Typhoid moron.
Most places will make you come into work even if you are sick because if you don't come in, they'll have no one else to cover your spot.
That being said, using hand sanitizer and covering your mouth when coughing/sneezing is not asking a lot and it really is digusting when you see people not doing so.
This is hilarious. Both sides are right here. Sure it's a b***h working when feeling like micro-waved, festering s**t with arse-water garnish and resenting the swines that are dragging you to work but a little decency for the general public goes a long way.
Arse-water garnish is now my new favorite thing to say.
A few tips to shoppers in retail stores.
Reply Hide All See All 6 Replies1. Use the signs above the aisles to figure out where your item is, do not just run to an associate. SELF RELIANCE.
2. Do NOT monopolize the sales associates time...he has other dumba** customers to deal with that are impatiently waiting and starting to tap their foot.
3. Read the sale tags. If it says AFTER rebate then you have to submit a damn rebate, it DOES NOT come off instantly at the register
4. When a sign says limit 2 per customer...IT'S LIMIT TWO!!! Not go out and come back in again, that is why stores are always out of stock a day after sales begin because of greedy customers
5. Do not call a store when you live only a couple miles away and ask for the associate to go over everything in the sale ad. Believe it or not most sale associates could care less about phone calls. I am more concerned about the customers that are actually in the store that have money in hand to spend.
6. When an associate asks you if you need help do not say "No" then immediately say "I do have a question though." That is annoying to the point of jacking them right in the face.
MOST IMPOTENTLY treat the sale associate as a human, he or she has to deal with hundreds of customers throughout the day, a lot of them annoying, completely self centered and most of all demeaning to the associates and think they are always right because they are the customer...guess what YOU ARE NOT!!!
I'm getting by this that you work or have worked in retail and pretty pissed with the clientele. Many customers only see the uniform or badge with the shop's logo and forget that they're talking to a person. Looks like you're forgetting that the customers are people too.
I worked in retail for a few years and shared your frustrations but you're looking at this from the wrong angle.
Although it's not the most ideal job in the world, and unlikely to be someone's first choice, remember it's still your job. And the responsibilites are simply just taking the cash and putting it into the register. There's a beautiful thing called "costumer service" - even if they don't buy on the day, if they come back, they'll buy more and pay the wages. Sure we don't see much of it, but if no-one bought the stuff, no-one would get paid
So, here we go:
1. Sure, being observant and not asking dumb questions makes the retail assistant's job easier - but then again, when you're in a rush, it's sometimes just quicker to ask. It's not like they're expecting an essay with Harvard referencing.
2. Actually, as much as these customers are "dumb-ass" in your eyes. They're still costumers and people. You giving that attitude doesn't really warrant reciprocated respect. Yeah people take too long and it is annoying, but it's their time and you get paid for it whatever you do.
3. Many stores have a different approach - it's not always common and can be misleading. Not everyone is as well-versed in "Retail for Dummies" as you clearly are.
4. I'll give you that one, but what do you expect? Honesty and decency?
5. Phonecalls aren't essential, like you say, they don't have money in hand. But if you actually do your job correctly, they'll come over with money in hand. How do you know if they're only a couple of miles out? They're not necessarily dedicating their day to shopping in one store either, so don't want to waste the day on wasted trips!
6. How is that any way on a level with jacking someone in the face??? Sure, our job isn't to pressure sales necessarily (depends where you work), but customers don't want hassle and don't want salesmen pressuring them to buy - more often than not, they just want to browse but want to ask a quick question in the meantime. Don't tell me that it isn't frustrated when you're shopping, ask one question, then after their answer they reel it out into a pitch!!
And "MOST IMPOTENTLY" (sounds like a flop to me), if you feel this way about the costumers, how can you expect respect in turn? I know some can be "annoying, completely self centered and most of all demeaning" but you're not going to remember the nice ones and they expect the high customer service. When it comes to complaints, you aren't just a guy paid to be on the shop floor who couldn't care less about the product, you are the store - the whole brand. I know it's small-minded on their part but welcome to retail. It brought the bile up the back of my throat and I try to be as unitrusive and helpful as possible when shopping - the kind of guy who puts clothes back on the hangers or folded as I found them... But that's because, like you, I worked in retail.
But in the end of it, the day-to-day s**t is part of the job. Sad but true.
It's "couldn't care less". Stay in school, Mr...Trainee.
MOST IMPOTENTLY!!!!
On #6: "No" is just a reflex answer in that situation, like saying "fine" when someone asks how you are even if you AREN'T fine.
I like how charlieboy13 calls out the OP for misspelling "importantly," then proceeds to regale us with his take on "costumer service." TAKE ME TO THE COSTUMES!
I once worked in a party store with a service for made-to-measure costumes. BOOM!
I'm not sure why making a call before you leave is a douche move. I would rather have you doing it BEFORE you start driving, than while you are on the road. Also, people should not be waiting for someone in a parking lot to leave a parking space unless they are ALREADY BACKING OUT and you have to wait for them anyway because it would be unsafe to pass. If people wait for me when I'm in a parking space, I don't even turn my car on. It is faster for you to just find a spot further away and walk or, you know, get to the store earlier in the day so you don't miss the good spots, if it's really that important to you. Often times when I go to the big stores I don't even bother looking for a spot near the store...just park as far back in the lot as I can and walk past all the douches waiting for spots like idiots, then wave and smile.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesIt is inconsiderate if you have a nice spot. Those "prime real estate" spots (as I think of them) are very convenient, especially on rainy days or if you're literally running in for one item, or even just to return your movie to the Redbox. I completely understand what you mean about not wanting them to wait until they're on the road driving before making their phone call, so what I do is I pull out, then go to the back of the lot, to the spots no one ever parks at, pull in and turn off my engine, THEN make my phone call. That way I've vacated the spot for someone else, but I'm also not yapping while driving.
I use my phone everywhere I go. That speed bump I just hit? That just tells me another pedestrian bit the dust.
I remember a time when if you had to make a call you did so at home. Whatever it is can probably wait, get out of of everyone else's way.
Could this become a series?! I'd read it as much as photoplasty!
ReplyBy which I mean "_ Tips at being a _____ Douchebag"
good graphic. another would be: eat all the food and bring the empty boxes or for triple double dog bonus, don't bring the boxes and just STEAL!! :D
Replygrazers serious piss me off. they should be stabbed in their heads.
What's wrong with paying for the empty box? I mean, seriously, who does that hurt or even inconvenience?