Featured  

The 5 Most Unintentionally Scarring '80s Music Videos

article image

No art form was more significant in the '80s than the music videos that appeared on MTV, the fabled source of our MTV2. And while history and even the songs themselves paint the '80s as a period of shallow prosperity, the music videos seemed to be on a mission to make George Orwell's vision of their decade look like Epcot Center. Sure, other generation may have lived through wars and depressions, but '80s kids have just as much a claim to psychological trauma, on account of videos like:

#5.
A-Ha's "Take On Me"

Why it's Scarring:

Our friends and family were concerned that day when we packed all our comic books into a crate, filled it with gasoline, chanted some magic words and proceeded to light the cursed mess ablaze (utterly destroying our childhood in the process). Clearly they didn't see this video, the fools. Oh, how we delighted at the adventures of those bizarrely dressed men as they beat other bizarrely dressed men within an inch of their lives (but no further, because that would be too immoral for our young eyes), never knowing that the drawings which we gazed upon were alive. And that if so inclined, those characters could kidnap us from our own world and whisk us away into theirs.

The metaphysical questions tied up in the video would be enough to make the writers of Lost go [even more] insane. If that waitress in the diner had burnt the comic instead of simply throwing it out, would the world of the comic cease to exist? Is it possible that we are in a comic right now? What black magic could give life to a drawing? Is Alan Moore actually the reincarnation of Rasputin?

Yes, it would appear so.

Try reading "Peanuts" the same way now.

Most Terrifying Moment:

Remember that scene from The Ring, when the creepy little girl crawled out of the TV? This video has that moment topped when, about one minute in, a beckoning hand reaches out of a comic book frame. And don't even get us started on the black staring eyes of the police officers in the comic, who like to do their particular brand of policing with giant wrenches. No amount of therapy can make us come to terms with that.

#4.
Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself"

Why it's Scarring:

We always assumed "Dancing With Myself" was about ... well, something much more giggle-worthy than being the last man on earth after the zombies take over. The video paints a picture of a devastating zombocalypse, and a man who managed to survive by looking creepier than most flesh-eaters.

You think you can breathe a sigh of relief when Idol reaches the roof of one of the few remaining buildings, but predictably; the zombies have developed superhuman wall-climbing abilities, a super power that is tough to believe when given to Peter Parker, and even tougher to believe when given to people whose limbs are rotting off their torso.

Luckily Idol is able to thwart their attack with Nikola Tesla's wet dream, a giant electricity conductor that gives him the ability to give sexually suggestive looks that shoot lightning (to be fair, it's rumored Idol actually had this ability for a brief period around the time of "White Wedding"). The video ends rather Shyamalantastically, as Billy Idol stops merely dancing with himself and begins dancing with the zombies, revealing that he probably was one them the ENTIRE TIME and that his attackers were actually rabid fans.

Most Terrifying Moment:

No words can describe the stomach-churning horror we feel about 50 seconds into the video, when the camera zooms in on the grinning faces of a decomposing corpse and Pinocchio from Hell as they laugh at the fate of mankind.

#3.
Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night"

Why it's Scarring:

If Billy Idol's zombie-infested post-apocalyptic landscape wasn't pant-crappingly troubling enough for you back in the day, you could always count on the '80s to provide another horrific vision of the not-too-distant future.

This time around, it's a totalitarian dystopia in which everyone must wear sunglasses, even at unnecessary times (perhaps Bono finally succeeded in taking over the world?). And, well that would be pretty annoying, we guess. In addition to sunglasses, the video seems to reflect a strange distrust of mail, and particularly the act of stamping it. We presume this is supposed to symbolize something about conformity, a theme '80s musicians were especially sensitive to since all of their songs sounded exactly the same.

But what is truly disturbing is the expressionless, Terminator-like police force that patrols the world making people put on sunglasses. The '80s were famous for creating technophobe-bating visions of a dystopic future, but a fear that sunglasses might take over has to rank as the least threatening technology to ever scare them.


Look at that neck.

Most Terrifying Moment:

At about 2:02, when what appears to be a creepy little kid stares on with clinical detachment as Hart is apprehended and presumably dragged off to his death. Maybe a bit excessive for a song he probably wrote because he thought wearing Ray-Bans made him look like Tom Cruise.


  • First
  • ←  Previous
  • Page 1 of 2
  • Next  →
  • Last

Submit to: Reddit Facebook StumbleUpon Digg Del.icio.us Fark

Did you actually watch "Take on Me"? The 'policemen' are vintage motorcycle sidecar racers which probably explains the leathers, helmets, goggles and wrench.

Posted on 10/4/2008 6:05:55 PM

The studly seducer in Suddenly Last Summer is Louis from Revenge of the Nerds.

Posted on 9/13/2008 12:55:52 PM

Wtf is the eclipse video supposed to be about anyway?

Posted on 9/11/2008 8:59:45 AM

yeah, i gotta agree with greek boy here.

Posted on 8/12/2008 11:27:47 AM

I'm pretty sure that the "cops" in the Take On Me video are race car drivers...notice the number "13" on the helmit of the 2nd guy? And the wrenches...yeah...makes total sense to conclude Police Officer from the jumpsuits they're wearing. Pay attention to the pics you posted for "Sunglasses At Night"....those idiots look more like cops than the guys in Take Me On...and that's scarring in it's own right...

Posted on 8/6/2008 6:25:54 AM

Jim Steinman wrote "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and conceived the video, as well. Note the similarities to the videos for "I'd Do Anything for Love" and "It's All Coming Back to Me Now," which he also wrote and conceived.

Posted on 8/5/2008 11:32:55 AM

LOL I'm pretty sure it wasn't about Bonnie Tyler, but rather the music video. And yes, it was very creepy. It was like some femvert's satanic dream.
Also, if it weren't for Cory Hart's lipgloss, I'd think he was the original Night at the Roxbury dude.

Posted on 7/29/2008 2:11:55 AM

Don't diss Bonnie Tyler, she was HOT!!! All good 80s videos were weird like that.

Take On Me was an excellent video too, really different at the time.

Posted on 7/22/2008 9:01:06 PM

this helps solidify my opinion that the 80's truly scares me, and I was only born in 1985. The evidence is clear though, and this list should be longer.

Posted on 7/19/2008 3:55:04 PM

-----blackgirlsconnect.com----- ? It is really a funny and interesting place to date attractive girls or hot guys. Many hottie videos and photos at this site, you can enjoy latest interesting videos or talk about hot topic with other friends. I've met many thoughtful singles who were trying to find true love.

Posted on 7/19/2008 11:14:28 AM

I concur with Herby Hancock's "Rock It" being a freaky ass video.

Posted on 7/14/2008 10:48:35 PM

What, no Herbie Hancock's Rocket?

Posted on 7/14/2008 8:21:21 AM

creepiest moment in total eclipse of the heart - 4:58 prepubescent Ben Stiller singing falsetto. Or the flash of the exorcist at 3:43

Posted on 7/12/2008 12:14:15 PM

wow, check out this really funny website www.freewebs.com/alex106786 it just started but it's really funny hahaha!! (Yes, I'm the one who made it, please check it out so I can feed my family)

Posted on 7/11/2008 9:13:07 PM

I got one even creepier than any of these. Genesis - "Land of Confusion" I watched when I was a kid then blocked it out of my memory. watch this video on full screen and try to resist the urge to punch your monitor. Something about decapitated heads creeped the hell out of me, especially when I was 5

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3MzShg7yXik

Posted on 7/11/2008 9:49:49 AM

this list is totally missing the creepiest of all - "little girls" by oingo boingo!

Posted on 7/10/2008 6:33:32 PM

I remember the night MTV did the world premiere of the "Dancing With Myself" video. Most unintenionally hilarious thing I ever saw.

Posted on 7/10/2008 1:45:48 PM

I saw many people are discussing this on the forum of black dating site called blackbbwmeet dot com. You may go there to check it if you are interested. Maybe you can meet your life partner there.

Posted on 7/10/2008 12:48:49 AM

'80s videos were notoriously literal; any poetic imagery conjured up by the songwriter was eschewed in favor of THE ACTUAL THING HAPPENING, such as "Turn around/Bright eyes," or Def Leppard's "Love bites," in which a giant heart bit off that dude's arms...

Posted on 7/9/2008 1:57:54 AM

Come to think of it, if "turn around, bright eyes" means what the music video suggests, just think what that implies for what "now I'm only falling apart" means: Bonnie Tyler's got rotting limbs! Ewww!

Posted on 7/8/2008 8:55:41 PM

More Music


Avatar
Daniel O'Brien
Posted: 10/10/2008 9:07:10 AM
Post Subject: An Interview with McCain and Obama (In the Year 2012)

Prologue: I have a time machine. November 20, 2012. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC. The office of President John McCain. 2:00pm. President John McCain has refused to give int ...

Avatar The 5 Most Clearly Insane Public Figures Endorsing McCain
In the arena of politics, celebrity endorsements are everything. Take out mudslinging, avoid ...
Avatar 15 (Worthless) Things We Learned from the Town Hall Debate
After almost two weeks of tense anticipation, we sat down last night to watch history ...