5

The Producers Are Only Interested In Funny Stereotypes

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We were told our family was chosen because we seemed to have a "likable dynamic," which really meant that they thought they could shape us into their ideal TV family. For the record, their ideal family looked like a cross between the Brady Bunch and the Mansons: normal on the outside, but with a crazy, gooey center. However, my family was a smidgen too close to normal, so they gave us some help in the form of a "family friend." And by "family friend," I mean a guy we'd only met once. And by "a guy we'd only meant once," I mean this guy:

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For whatever reason, redneck shows are huge. And since we live in Eastern Kentucky, the producers were expecting the full Deliverance experience. But none of us had wacky hillbilly accents, the kids are practically Ralph Lauren models, and the house was fairly well-kept -- not even a pet possum to play up for comedic value. So when they found out most "country folk" are just "normal folk," they started importing inbreds to chuckle up the sideshow.

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4

Our "Reality" TV Show Had Special Effects

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Events and "happenings" were edited around recordings of stuff I actually said, but cut to fit the needs of the editors. So while I never lied about anything that happened, the world wouldn't know the difference, because literally every moment was cut apart and pieced together in an order that resembled an old Lon Chaney movie.

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The final product was a special effects extravaganza that made Sharknado 2 look like a subdued French film. For example, some shots showed trees casting ominous shadows ... indoors. This was done for atmosphere, to make our otherwise ordinary house look like prime property in Amityville. And while the special effects guy was nice enough, it was a little worrying that they had "a special effects guy" on our reality show in the first place.

3

The "Experts" They Brought In Were Laughable

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2

They Ignored Real Problems To Film Fake Ones

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1

Your Reputation Is Ruined

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Before the show aired, people knew we had a "haunted" house, and it wasn't a big deal. Half the houses south of the Mason-Dixon Line are "haunted." That's kinda what you get for the whole slavery deal. But after the American Haunting episode came out, we were suddenly pariahs. The show had taken our experiences with small, unexplained things and made it look like Paranormal Activity, so now we were liars in everyone's eyes.

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Even the little falsehoods that the production crew told came back to bite us. People wanted to talk about the swords on my wall, or how they were certain I dyed my hair for the filming, or the way my family spoke being too clear and coherent. Once you've got a reputation as a liar, everything is a lie. That's how they took a normal family with a slightly odd house and made it a campy horror reality drama. Which, come to think of it, sounds a bit like the setup of a horror film by itself. But half the fun of a horror movie is rooting for the good guys to get out alive. Who do you root for when the protagonists are a reality TV crew?

Evan V. Symon is the Interview Finder guy for Cracked. If you have an awesome experience or job you would like to share with us and see as an article, email us here.

For more insider perspectives, check out 4 Horrifying Realities of Working at a Haunted House and 4 Lies Reality Shows Rely On (That Are Worse Than You Think).

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