Nikola Tesla
Thomas Edison was a cranky American asshole who was sort of involved with the invention of the light bulb. Nikola Tesla was a crazy Serbian who was instrumental in harnessing electric power. Also, he blew shit up with lightning.
Nikola Tesla: Mad Scientist
War of the Currents
In 1884, Tesla got a job with Edison, and in many of their arguments, Tesla said that he could improve Edison's electricity and save him money. Edison said there was $50,000 in it for Tesla if he could do it. After months of slaving over Edison's shitty excuses for electronics, Tesla made huge improvements.
When Tesla told Edison to pay up, Edison response was: "You don't understand American humor."
Douche.
Tesla got pissed and got a job working for Westinghouse (Edison's rival). Soon after, the three men got into "THE WAR OF CURRENTS!!!" *enter lightning and blazing metal music* with Westinghouse, Tesla and his Alternating Current against Edison with his Direct Currents.
Of course, Tesla was right, but because he was a shitty businessman, it didn't matter. His inventions are still being used to funnel fuck you money into the pockets of Edison's descendants. His legacy has experienced a popular resurgence in recent years, mostly by people who know him as "the guy who enabled Hugh Jackman to be killed hundreds of times in a single movie."
Amazing Feats done by Tesla
Tesla held around 700 patents in 26 countries. These include:
- Tesla Coil.
- Alternating currents.
- Robots
- Spark plugs
- Electric Arc Lamp
- Devices for X-Ray
- Bifilar coil
- Bladeless turbine
And that's not all. In 1943, the Supreme Court invalided Italian inventor Guglielmo Marconi's patents for the radio and radio equipment and giving credit to Tesla based on his patents that predated Marconi's. But, by that time, Tesla was--dead.
Tesla once predicted, "The household's daily newspaper will be printed 'wirelessly' in the home during the night". Hey! That sounds like the Internet!
Tesla turning on a lamp to read
Tesla was the first to harness the power of Niagara Falls into a hydroelectric power plant, constructed a bath designed to cleanse the human body of germs using nothing but electricity, and created a 130-foot long bolt of lightning from one of his massive coils (which remains the world record for man-made lightning). In addition he, once, caused an earthquake in New York City that was so powerful that it almost destroyed 5th Avenue (where his lab was at.)
Outside of Tesla's laboratory on a daily basis
Though, Tesla's feats keep going on and on and on and on, he remains largely overlooked and while Edison and Westinghouse have their name stamped on huge cooperations, Tesla can merely lay claim to the B list rock band.
that angry mob stands no chance, for they are in the presence of, NICKOLA TESLA!!!!!!
ReplyTesla once turned a light bulb on from twenty miles away.
ReplyWIRELESSLY.
To put this in perspective, some scientists at MIT just got excited over doing it from three feet away.
You made an error in the sentence "his inventions are still being used to funnel f**k you money into the pockets of Edison's descendants."
ReplyThe correct wording would be "his inventions are still being used to funnel f**k *your* money into the pockets of Edison's descendants."
All hail the führer of grammar!
"Funnel fucking" is not a thing, it's funneling money that's basically saying "fuck you".
Tesla may may have seemed like a mad scientist , but he was a true visionary and could see things way beyond his time . Tesla so immersed in his own work, fell victim to the greediness of the country and mankind. I'm not sure if Tesla was alive today if mankind would be ready for what he could see in his mind. To be able to tap into the energy of the cosmos, not just the earth and its ionosphere, but the energy that pulses through the universe untapped in great abundance, is something that governments and corporations fear. Inventors beware! Do not become so excited of your invention that you unveil it too quickly. There are many greedy bastards out there that would have you assassinated, and steal the knowledge. One who can control the energy of the universe, will be corrupted by ultimate power, persuaded to use it for evil , and use it for personal gain. The human race, current mankind still has their heads so far stuck in the dirt, that they'll never see daylight. If the leaders of our nations and our religious leaders are unable to sit down at the same table and come to an agreement that will bring peace and stability to this world. They are not ready, or deserving of such knowledge or power.
ReplyDon't listen to this "person" they're just trying to prevent us from having all those sweet bad ass things we've always dreamed of, like cordless melonballers! This comment sounds like it came from those jerk aliens in Stargate SG-1.
Tesla bogisus
ReplySimple guys. Use Westinghouse as a service provider (it still exists), and stay the f**k away from Edison's General Electric (it still exists).
Replydid u know Edision tried to get electrcution renamed "Westinhosed" to try and f**k with Tesla some more after he (Edision) killed an elephant with "Teslas invention" (he gave it a s**t load cyaniad beforehand)
Have you heard that they're making a movie about Nikola Tesla, with Christian Bale in the title role? It's listed on the IMDb.
Reply Hide All See All 5 Replies~takes cover until the Cracked writers' mass joygasm subsides~
I've been thinking about that for ages, but I didn't know it was going to happen! I think he could be played by somebody better than Cristian Bale though.
Hans Zimmer music would be perfect for it. I remember how David Bowie looked when he was playing Tesla in The Prestige, and he just didn't look as awesome.
You wont get Hollywood, full of America's elite, to expose Edison and overturn decades of American celebration for this s****y ting called truth.
I'm pretty sure it was referenced in the article.
LOL WUT?
Jonathan Young, bitches!
Bale is too bulky.
too bulky?
watch The Machinist. Or Rescue Dawn. Or The Fighter. Bale is only Bulky when the role requires it (eg. Batman, American Psycho)
Look, just because this article proves that Americans can't even claim that we had a great inventor like Thomas Edison as he really stole it from a Croation guy, doesn't mean it isn't awesome that America was still the home of THE stereotypical mad scientist. Little thing like that.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesYes, America can claim a great inventor: Tesla! Yes, he was born in Croatia but he eventually became a US citizen (which was one of his 2 life goals, the other being to meet Samuel Clemens - who he became good friends with). So yeah, THE stereotypical mad scientist was totally American! And if you regard America as being founded by people escaping their s****y counties to make one great nation, I'd argue that Tesla is MORE American than anybody born here!
He was ethnically Serbian ya dishite.
@B.lyons
Just because I am ethnically German, and born in America, doesn't mean I'm German, it means I'm American.
What does it matter what nationality he was? Tha fact that he was a mad scientist, just proves that he was mad and a scientist, It nothing about America, or Croatia, get a hold of yourselves.
@Kikuchiyo
Next time you meet a czech who was born in the slovak region of what was czechoslovakia, call him a slov and see how he reacts. Same with Serbs born in the wider Yugoslav region.
You forgot about the part where he was a vampire and tried to take over the world with his minions, also in all likelihood banged Amanda Tapping.
ReplyBest. Post. Ever. :)
thats rubbish, what really happend was Tesla single handedly saved the world from the reaturn of Cthulhu and the Great Old Ones with his flying machines and laser rifles! oh but you got the bit about banging Amanda Tapping right
Ok, so that death ray of his? It's a directed energy weapon. Like a phaser from Star Trek or a blaster from Star Wars.
ReplyAnd the flying machine? It's an ionocraft, like the stupid things you made as a kid in science class that flew using electricity. He thought they would be in the shape of saucers or cigars.
So, he had thought up flying saucers with lasers. And all the alien stuff started popping up a few years after his death. I don't mean to make up a conspiracy theory or anything, but...
but unlike the phasers, it isnt a bolt of energy but rather a consistent stream of energy
Holy shit! Tesla was aliens! :D
I don't believe that a man as incredibly badass as Tesla could die.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies"Every Man Dies, but does Every Man Truly Live?"
I Submit that they DO NOT!
Tesla Rules!
Read the "Callahans" series by Spider Robinson. Tesla is a recurring (although not regular) character. He is a main character in "Callahan's Key" in which the gang has to stop the Department of Defense from utilizing a Tesla Death Ray
Who said Tesla is dead, here's merely radiated himself to the end of the Universe using FTL waves. He will soon be back when his Universal vibrations resonate somewhere in a scientist Mom's womb and or in a secret cloning lab.
Tesla will come back from his mere vibrations! Yo!
He also destroyed an Apple Of Eden. Just Sayin'.
ReplyAssassin's Creed 2 for the win
Damn those whacky templars :)
Tesla's contributions are still severely underrated..
ReplyTesla was the Electric Jesus.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWell there's a name for a rock band.
More like the Electric CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
Yay, old memes.
Tesla is jesus
I was going to say ElectroMAGNETIC Jesus, but considering he didn't attract women as such, I'll grant you that one.
To be fair it's gotten better these days, last year I saw videos about both Edison and Telsa for physics class.
ReplyTelsa was mentioned several times in the Edison video too.
So at least for that.
It may have gotten better but you don't see people reading articles about Edison and spelling his name Eidson.
There is work to be done.
I vote we rename testicles to Teslacles in this man's honor.
ReplyHonestly, he was more f*****g awesome than I could ever hope to be.
Hell, let's just get in the habit of saying "Teslacoils" real fast instead of "testicles"; even moar justice.
I hereby resolve to do this forever on all the days.
Great article, porpoise. Tesla rules! Edison sucks! I remember the Simpsons episode when Homer tried to imitate Edison and there was no mention of Tesla. It goes right with FOX's attitude. FOX sucks!
ReplyActually, at the end, Edison gets the credit for Homer's invention, just like probably would have happened in real life. Sad that as I grow older, the more I learn about "the other guys" who actually did more for the world than some of these "big names".
Love the article. Though there are TONS of other interesting and unbelievable facts about Tesla. He had come to America with a letter in his pocket that was an invitation to visit Edison Labs. Tesla was originally a huge admirer of Edison, and had dreamed to work in his labs. Where Edison exploited everything he could about Tesla, yet was still too ignorant to see the advantages of AC over DC (AC/DC). Theres your "A" List Band reference by the way. Also Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain for those at home) was a friend of Tesla, who allowed Tesla to pump tons of electricity (you do the research on how much, I'm only commenting) through the Great American writer's body directly. So much so that Mr Twain had to refrain from further sessions as the electricity had interrupted his bowels. (Very True)
ReplyI believe the event you are referring to was related to Tesla's work on mechanical oscillations (in this case, low frequency vibration around 14Hz or something). He made giant vibrators (que adolescent laughtrack) and noticed that if you move your entire body (not just with sound, full actual motion) at what will forever be known as "the brown note", you will loose control of your bowels. Supposedly he let Clemens get on it and warned him not to stay on too long, but Clemens was having too much fun until......gurgle gurgle splat. Granted this info is from a Tesla book that is highly novelized, but a good read if you care to check it out (Tesla, The Modern Sorcerer).
very happy you wrote this article
Replyi thought i was the only one that thought edison was a lying c**t
Tesla was "the man" with his big rod that shot lightning bolts. Edison was an opportunist d******d that screwed us up by at least 20 years in technology. He attacked Tesla on a regular basis. If my history is right Tesla died bankrupt even tho he gave us everything we consider cool today. Hell Tesla even was working on a version of the internet before all the people called "witch!" and shut him down or pulled out their funding. So we could Of Been watching 2 girls and one cup probably 30 years ago!
Reply