The tree in question, a magnificent-sounding 45-foot-tall Norway spruce, is so pitiful that there no jokes that could match the awful reality. For a while, its only decoration was a single Peanuts-esque bauble -- because you might as well embrace the nightmare with both arms -- while, according to one resident, local birds refuse to land on it, presumably out of fear that they'll tip it over. Or just fear.
It isn't all bad, though. In a turn of events worthy of an '80s feel-good romp, once the tree got national coverage, the community rallied against plans to remove it ... despite initially gathering money to destroy it. Some even consider it a metaphor for the festive season itself, as opposed to a metaphor for really, really wanting those dumb tourist dollars.
U.K. Card Manufacturer Incites Class War
At best, a Christmas card will make you say, "That's nice," before you put it away and forget about it forever. In the absolute worst-case scenario, you'll roll your eyes at the bad joke and throw it in the trash. That was before a British card maker took things to the next level by using the medium for a festive spot of classism:
"Fuck coal; I'm dropping a 'yule log' in these guys' stockings."
The card listed 10 reasons why Santa Claus lives on a council estate, something that may sound like a fancy type of castle but is actually British public housing. The provided reasons included "He has a serial record for breaking and entering," "He only works once a year," and "He drinks alcohol during work hours," which is just straight-up slander, as opposed to an observation based on any part of the Santa canon. Unless, that is, Coca-Cola's Holiday ads are very different in the U.K.
Hold on, the U.K. again?! What the hell is happening on that side of the Atlantic? They have A Christmas Carol, for god's sake. How are they so bad at this?
As a Brit, Adam would like to apologize on behalf of his fellow countrymen for, like, everything that was just mentioned. He'd also like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Except you. You know what you did.
While we're on the topic, also check out 5 Creepy Christmas Traditions From Around the World and 6 Horrifying Implications of Classic Christmas Movies.