While "copying a high-tech key from a blurry cellphone picture" sounds like the kind of thing only an Oceans 11-style super thief could do, it's actually dead simple. This company will make you a new house key, same-day, from a picture:

Keysduplicated.com
"And please, PLEASE don't sue us if your house was broken into."

At least, they used to. Now they're closed to the public "to focus on our enterprise customers." They don't explicitly deny that sex criminals were snapping photos of you getting your keys out in a parking lot, then using them to break into your house and masturbate into your shampoo bottle -- so we are forced to assume that's exactly what happened. Either way, their explanation for why "surreptitious duplication" isn't a problem basically boils down to, "It's so easy to copy your keys, no criminal would even bother to use us."

Keysduplicated.com
Comforting!

1. Always try to find a local company. A lot of scammers use 1-800 numbers and don't have a local shop, or any shop at all at the address provided.

2. If your state has a locksmith license program, always ask for their license number. You can also visit the website findalocksmith.com to find an ALOA (Associated Locksmiths of America) registered locksmith based on your zip code. If they are registered with ALOA, they are legit.

AndreyPopov/iStock
3. Keep better track of your keys.

Harvey added that anyone willing to give you a "guaranteed" price over the phone is probably full of shit. "Any one of a hundred factors might take a ~10-minute job and change it into a 60-minute job. Oh, you forgot to tell the guy over the phone that you'd tried to jimmy the lock with a screwdriver? Well, the price we provided at $29 is now invalid. Oh, you didn't know this door has stupidly complicated lock cylinders? That's fine, but the price has changed ... if they say 'Guaranteed to be $29, including labor,' you're going to have a bad time when they arrive."

And if that seems too complicated, you can always take it apart with a kick in a few seconds.

Engaging that deadbolt feels secure, but it's about as safe as putting a Kevlar patch over your nipple and wading into a gunfight. "You can encase your house in six feet of concrete, and I'll still get in if I want to. It just takes time ..." Harvey explains that "99 percent of people's locks are fucking garbage. Looking out my window, I can see 15 houses that wouldn't take me longer than 15 seconds each to gain entry to ..."

He's not talking about picking those locks, cat-burglar-like. He's talking about breaking through them. Over his entire career, he "saw about 10-15 confirmed cases of lock destruction in forced entry, and one confirmed case of lock-picking ..."

Harvey's also picked up on some neat tricks for breaking and entering: "A group of kids ... buy a $2 bottle of syrup, pour it all over your living-area window pane, [then] when they smashed the pane, it doesn't make the classic window break sound, it's rather quiet and subdued ..."

Pinnacle Foods
"Sarge, we've caught their accomplice, but she's not talking."

Caleb told us about the nefarious lock bumping: "The information on how to bump locks is available quite easily on the internet, as well as how to make the bump key to be able to bump the lock open. It's all readily available to criminals via YouTube or other sites, including Reedit."

He's right!

Wonderhowto.com
... And there's another police watch list we've landed ourselves on thanks to research.

A company named Rift Recon straight-up sells bump keys (and a bunch of other equipment) to "red teams" -- people who are hired to break into businesses in order to test their security. Rift Recon is a legitimate business, but holy shit is their catalog a burglar's wet dream:

Riftrecon.com

No lock is safe. Not even the locks in prison isolation cells. And Harvey's had to repair one of those: "I was asked to repair one of the interconnecting doors between the primary cell and a shower/toilet area. I knew these doors, massive 7x4 slabs of steel-sheeted through-bolted wooden doors with full-length stainless steel anti-hang piano hinges. One door is a struggle for two persons to move."

But as you can guess from the previous half of this article ... "one inmate had gone ballistic and torn the seven-foot hinge out of the door, broken the steel closer arm, picked it up and used it as a battering ram on the cell door." Sliding that little chain thingy into the notch doesn't feel so secure anymore, does it?

Zhenikeyev/iStock
"Do you sell these with a larger chain? Like, ideally one that was recently connected to an anchor?"

Jim has an even sketchier experience with this kind of "customer." He says, "Opened a home for a guy once who had proper ID ... As usual when I go to a home lockout, I asked to see proof of ID. The husband's license had the address on it, so I let him in. When the police showed up, I understood what was happening. The wife went out of town earlier in the day, which the husband knew, since he was tracking her cell phone. The wife had the locks changed so he could not get into the home. He wanted his Porsche that was in the garage. The Porsche was in the divorce proceedings, so he was not to move it via a court ruling."

Edvvc/Wiki Commons
Good lord. A Porsche driver acting like a douchebag?! Up is down! Cats and dogs living together! Madness!

Caleb explained how it works in his state, Tennessee: "We have to get ID numbers for any lockouts we do, as well as re-keying houses and making keys to cars we also have to match the ID to the name on the title to make sure that person is allowed to get keys for the vehicle/house ..."

agnormark/iStock
"What's with the getup?"
"I'm ... uhhhh ... cold."
"It's July."

For instance, this attempted burglary was foiled because the locksmith the burglar hired grew suspicious and called the police. Good locksmiths like Caleb are always worried about unwittingly helping to commit a crime:

"The worst job I had to refuse was pretty recent. A lady locked herself out of a house an hour and a half away from us, but she had been in process of selling her house and it fell through, and she didn't have the paperwork with her to prove she was the owner of the house -- no recent mail to the house, and she had an out-of-state ID. We had to turn her down because she had no proof at 10 o'clock at night. I felt bad that I couldn't help her get back in the house, but the law is the law. And if we don't follow it, we can lose our license or get sued."

Lisay/iStock
There's really no way to train for the "Looks like you're sleeping on the porch tonight" conversation.

But upstanding locksmiths run afoul of law enforcement sometimes. Jim even had a cop pull a gun on him once while trying to get into a foreclosed home on behalf of the bank that owned it: "I tried the front door, then walked around to the back door. I'm sure a neighbor saw me trying to get into the home and called 911. When I came back round the house, I was carrying my tools and the deputy walking up mistook my cordless drill as a gun and drew his gun. I dropped the drill, then went to clean out my pants ..."

Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.

For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Things You Learn About People As A Private Investigator and 5 Horrifying Things Only Garbagemen Know About Your Town.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 7 Bizarrely Specific Ways Movies Get Normal Jobs Wrong, and other videos you won't see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and let's be best friends forever.