jesse_e New York

Real Name: Jesse

Member Since: November 26th, 2008

About Me:
Jesse writes Pictofacts, videos, and emails for Cracked. He used to do that stuff at CollegeHumor and the UCB. Not looking for anything serious.

twitter.com/eisemann

  • 1

5 Twisted Sonic The Hedgehog Adventures Sega Doesn't Want You To See (VIDEO)

By Jesse

"Gotta go fast" - me, running away from Sonic's early canon.

  • 0

Brian Morabito Watched The Square (AKA Make Chaos) (VIDEO/PODCAST)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

I will make chaos with you.

  • 4

Little Shop of Horrors (AKA BDSM DDS) (PODCAST)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

Where do all these city folk find the time for gang vocals?

  • 5

The Raid 2 (AKA Every Dick In The City) (PODCAST)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

Of all the movies, this is the best movie.

  • 3

Brian Murphy Watched Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (AKA Dudes or Dogs) (VIDEO/PODCAST)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

This week the gang has on Brian Murphy from Not Another DnD Podcast to talk about the utter mundaneness of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

  • 1

Jason Pargin Watched Riders Of Justice (AKA The Phantom Menace) (PODCAST)

By Jason Pargin, Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

This week the gang watches Riders of Justice with special guest Jason "the artist formerly known as David Wong" Pargin.

  • 3

Brian Brushwood Watches Time Bandits (AKA Hi There, Face Here!) (VIDEO/PODCAST)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

This week Brian Brushwood joins the gang to watch Time Bandits and discuss the power of friendship and little people traveling through time.

  • 3

The Pubebergs (AKA Addams Family Values) (PODCAST)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

This week the gang watches Addams Family Values but mostly talks about their feelings and middle school trauma.

  • 4

The Kangaroos Are Out Of The Paddock (AKA Sharknado) Ft. Jenny Arimoto (VIDEO)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

This week the gang watches Sharknado and questions the accuracy of Australian slang.

  • 1

Heart Bustin' (AKA From Justin To Kelly) (VIDEO)

By Jesse, Jordan Breeding, Ali Gordon

This week the gang watches From Justin To Kelly Clarkson and debates the ethics of contractually obligated make out sessions between American Idol stars.

  • 22

Tell Us Now: 14 Lessons People Learned The Hard Way

By Jesse, Cracked Readers

This turned into a great resource for homeowners, carpenters, and blood donors alike.

  • 19

12 Petty, Trivial, Or Downright Dumb Reasons War Was Declared

By Cracked Writers, Jesse

Just let it go, guys.

  • 25

Tell Us Now: 12 Unfortunate Overheard Secrets

By Jesse, Cracked Readers

A word of advice: mind your plate.

  • 47

14 Celebrities Who Had To Field Wildly Disrespectful Questions

By Jesse

We as a society need to consider that Ellen... might be a jerk.

  • 16

14 Of The Most Overkill, Least Useful, Or Just Plain Weirdest Weapons Ever Invented

By Cracked Writers, Jesse

Elmer Fudd meets late-stage Walter White.

  • 21

Tell Us Now: 14 Most Bonkers Episodes Of Otherwise Normal TV Shows

By Cracked Readers, Jesse

Your highly emotional reaction is most illogical.

  • 35

14 'Unsolved' Mysteries With Boring, Obvious, Or Straight-Up Lame Explanations

By Jesse, Cracked Writers

If you have an indecipherable ancient text on your hands… it’s about sex.

  • 28

12 Clever Loopholes People Found In Inane Rules And Policies

By Jesse, Cracked Writers

Pedants, unite!

  • 25

Tell Us Now: 14 Of The Dumbest Relationship Dealbreakers

By Cracked Readers, Jesse

You guys have dodged some Bullet Bill-sized bullets.

  • 13

14 Disgusting Facts To Completely Derail History Class

By Cracked Writers, Jesse

Mankind invented Fart Art before comfy toilet paper.