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24 Bizarre Facts About the Horrors and Heroics of Pro Sports

By:: Brian C. Miller; Cracked Writers

August 10, 2023

24 Bizarre Facts About the Horrors and Heroics of Pro Sports

When it comes to sports, lots of people enjoy facts about individual stats and games. But we're a little more interested in the weirder angles. Case in point: Below are some of the oddest clauses in athletes’ contracts (like the finest mustache wax that money can buy!), and the craziest records that teams would love to forget (like losing a NCAA football game 222 to 0).

24 Longest Coach Suspension

Longest Coach Suspension NFL VL BOWL CRACKED COM Saints coach Sean Payton was given a one-year suspension in 2012. And all he did was give his team cash payments for every opposing player they intentionally injured! — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

23 80 Straight Games

Biggest Losing Streak D1 FOOTBALL DUAMI CRACKED.COM The Prairie View A&M Panthers didn't taste victory for nearly a decade. They lost 80 straight games from 1989 to 1998. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

22 34 Minutes of Nothing

Longest Time Not Really... Doing Anything NBA CRACKED.COM LA Lakers point guard Derek Fisher once spent 34 minutes without a single point, assist, or even a rebound. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

21 Shortest Soccer Career

Shortest Career PREMIERE LEAGUE FOOTBALL CRACKED.COM Joe Sheerin was called up from Chelsea's bench at the literal last minute. Не was subbed in with less than 60 seconds remaining in their 1997 win over Wimbledon (and never played in another game). — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

20 Roy Oswalt

Roy Oswalt Houston Astros GRACKED COM In 2005, Oswalt's contract said that if the team won the National League championship, he'd get a frickin' bulldozer. That seemed to be enough incentive for him, because the Astros won the NCLS and Oswalt got his dozer. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

19 Brad Lidge

Brad Lidge Houston Astros ALS JEBALL YO LIDGE 54 CRACKED.COM In 2006, the Astros threw in a highly unlikely $25,000 bonus incentive: he'd get that extra pot of cash if he won the Silver Slugger, an award given to the best hitter in the league at each position. The guy had 7 career at-bats at the time. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

18 Mark McGwire

Mark McGwire St. Louis Cardinals MCGURE 25 CRACKED.COM Just before his big 1998 home run competition with Sammy Sosa, Big Mac put a stipulation in his contract that he'd get $1 per fan that came out to Busch Stadium (after 2.8 million). They wound up getting 3.2 million fans to the stadium that season --up from 2.4 milion in '97. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

17 Octavio Dotel Can't Stay on a Team

Least Job Security MLB CRACKED.COM Octavio Dotel probably spent a lot of time in hotels -- he played for a new team in a new city, every single season of his 13-year career. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

16 20 Straight NBA Losses

Biggest Losing Streak NBA GRAGKED.COM The 76ers racked up 20 straight losses in the 1972 season. Fred Mad Dog Carter was named MVP, but suspected it may have been an insult: I wasn't sure whether it was for me leading us to nine wins or 73 losses. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

15 7 Interceptions for Touchdowns

Most Pick-Sixes NFL CRACKED.COM Jameis Winston led the league in passing yards in 2019, but also just barely squeaked out a league-record 7 interceptions for touchdowns. His 7th came in overtime in the last game of the season. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

14 A record 316 losses

Biggest Loser MLB CRACKED.COM He's better known as the namesake of the yearly award for best pitcher, but Cy Young's prolific career also produced a fair amount of duds. In 22 years, he had a league-record 316 losses. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

13 Eddie Gaedel

Eddie Gaedel St. Louis Browns CRACKED.COM In 1951, Browns owner Bill Veeck hired the 3'7 performer for exactly one at-bat, in order to present an impossibly small strike zone and get a guaranteed walk. The ump called shenanigans, but they had the contract on-hand, SO it was all technically legit. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

12 George Brett

George Brett Kansas City Royals Royals CRACKED.COM In order to finish out his career with the Royals, Brett requested the team return the infamous pine tar bat. The year before, he'd had a game-winning homerun called back because he was deemed to be using an illegal amount of pine tar on his bat. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

11 Rick Mirer

Rick Mirer Seattle Seahawks GRACKED COM Mirer's 1993 contract explicitly stated that nothing could keep him from getting that bread, up to and including the end of the world. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

10 Spencer Prior

Spencer Prior Cardiff City F.C. CRACKED.COM The team owner snuck in a clause that stated Prior had to eat sheep testicles before games (a weird, but legit tradition) and had to have physical liaisons with sheep (a weird, and wholly unnecessary dig at the Welsh). — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

9 Completely Useless Freethrows

Most Fruitless Freethrow Shooting St-Louis BOMBERS GRACKED.COM Before the NBA, the Basketball Association of America was the premier league for US ballers. At one point in the 1940's, Griff Roux set a record that stands to this day: he took 20 free throws in a single game, and missed every last one. — Source: 15 Embarrassing Sports Records No One Wants To Break

8 Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan Chicago Bulls BULLS 20 CRACKED COM Most pros are contractually barred from playing pickup games, but the best of best have enough leverage to include a love of the game clause. MJ put his to good use, putting in iconic extracurricular performances at a couple UNC alumni games (and also the Olympics). — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

7 Charlie Kerfeld

Charlie Kerfeld Houston Astros CRACKED.COM Kerfeld wore number 37, and wanted everyone to know it: he requested a one-year salary of $110,037.37, and 37 boxes of orange Jell-O. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

6 Manny Ramirez

Manny Ramirez Shikoku Island League Plus BOS TON Wilson 71 CRACKED.COM When Ramirez went to play ball in Japan in 2017, he had two particularly odd demands: that he could skip practice whenever he wanted, and that he'd be given unlimited sushi. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

5 Stefan Schwartz

Stefan Schwartz Sunderland A.F.C. ILLU was CRACKED.COM Schwartz had such famous a preoccupation with space and space travel, the team stipulated that he must remain on Earth for the contract to remain valid. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

4 Rollie Fingers

Rollie Fingers Oakland Athletics CRACKED.COM Fingers had recently won a team mustache-growing contest, so in his contract extension, he stipulated that he'd be provided the finest mustache wax money could buy. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

3 Rougned Odor

Rougned Odor Texas Rangers TEXAS CRACKED.COM When your contract is already just shy of $50 million, you have to get creative with added incentives. The Rangers threw in a bonus of two horses to sweeten the deal. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

2 Troy Glaus

Troy Glaus Arizona Diamondbacks CRACKED COM On top of his $45 million contract, the Diamondbacks agreed to toss a quarter- million dollars at his wife's horse hobby. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

1 Roger Clemens

Roger Clemens Toronto Blue Jays oaston 22 CRACKED.COM In 1996, the Blue Jays agreed to let Clemens' kids practice in the Skydome, and gave them lockers in the clubhouse right next to their dad's. — Source: 15 Suspiciously Specific Clauses In Pro Athletes' Contracts

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