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41 Horrible Facts About Adorable Animals

By:: Cracked Writers; Brian C. Miller

March 04, 2022

41 Horrible Facts About Adorable Animals

Let's do an exercise: Imagine the cutest animal that you possibly can. It's okay, take your time, we'll wait… Maybe it's has gigantic eyes, or adorable little toe beans, or stretches it's little tummy in hopes of scritches from it's best buddy in the whole wide world. Have this adorable little guy in your brain? Great.

Here's the cold, hard reality: That cute little animal is probably a freaking monster that lives by the cold and uncaring rules of the wild. Sometimes it's cruel, sometimes it's just gross, but either way the below facts will ruin your image of these animals forever.

Did you know that octopi feel spite? Or that hippos are unrelenting poop flinging machines? You also may not know that you've probably never seen an adult chimpanzee on television or in a movie, because once they hit adulthood they become violence-loving murder beasts from the bowels of the chaos dimension.

Animal lovers beware, you may not be the same after this.

39 Manatees

Manatees CRACKED.COM When the docile sea cow isn't busy chewing on sea cud, they are filling the waterways with their bubbling plant-farts; all that vegetation in their diet fills them with methane, which they release to control buoyancy. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

38 Octopii

Octopuses CRACKED.COM Octopuses team up with fish to hunt prey, but researchers found they aren't always the best partners. The tentacled terrors were seen to use their 8 arms to sock their fish friends right in the kisser, for no other reason than spite. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

37 Hippos

HIPPOS MARK THEIR TERRITORY BY HELICOPTERING THEIR POOP. Hippos will spin their tails while pooping in order scatter it farther. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

36 Ring-Tailed Lemurs

RING-TAILED LEMURS HAVE STINK FIGHTS. Male lemurs have scent glands on their wrists and shoulders and use their tails to flick their scent at sexual competition. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

35 Eurasian Roller Chicks

EURASIAN ROLLER CHICKS PROJECTILE VOMIT TO DEFEND AGAINST PREDATORS. The smell discourages being eaten and alerts the parents. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

34 Penguins

YOU CAN SEE PENGUIN POOP FROM SPACE Researchers are using satellite photos of poop to study and track colonies. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

33 Penguins

PENGUINS WILL KIDNAP OTHER PENGUINS' CHICKS. Emperor penguins whose chicks have died will kidnap other penguins' offspring. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

32 Sloths

SLOTHS TAKE ONE REALLY LONG POOP ONCE A WEEK. Pooping is extremely dangerous for sloths as it requires them to take a (slow) trip to the ground where they are vulnerable to predators. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

31 Armadillos

ARMADILLOS CAN SPREAD LEPROSY. They're the only other animal known to get the disease. 95% of people are immune to leprosy so it's not too worrisome. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

30 Frogs

INSTEAD OF VOMITTING, FROGS TURN THEIR STOMACHS INSIDE OUT. They eject their stomachs from their mouths and flip it inside out like a pocket. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

29 Seagulls

SEAGULLS EAT THE EYES OF NEWBORN SEALS. Kelp gulls will wait for the blinded seal to die and then come back for its remains. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

28 Lions

Lions GRACKED.COM Don't start thinking these majestic kitties are all singing disney songs either; male lions will maul young cubs in order to mate with their mother, who suddenly finds herself in the need for more kids. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

27 Crows

Crows CRACKED.COM Crows will remember you, and why they hate you, for years! If you slight these highly intelligent birds they will memorize your face and attack you on sight. They'll even snitch on you to other crows, meaning you'll be watching over your shoulder forever. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

26 Hippopotamuses

Hippopotamuses CRACKED.COM These chunky river horses won't hesitate to mess you up - and 86.7% of the time it's fatal. You have better odds with a lion (75% fatal). If you want a hippopotamus for Christmas, maybe do your research first. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

25 Orcas

Orcas CRACKED.COM We all know that killer whales earn their name by being cunning predators, but did you know they are also sadists? Orcas have been seen playing with their food, tossing sea turtles around like underwater frisbees, as a cruel appetizer. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

24 Cuckoo Birds

Cuckoo Birds CRACKED.COM Cuckoos lay their eggs in the nests of other birds, and when they hatch the cuckoo chick disposes of the other eggs. Thus the term cuckold was born, and internet comment sections were never the same. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

23 Dolphins

MALE DOLPHINS WILL MURDER BABY DOLPHINS IN ORDER TO MATE WITH THE MOTHER. A new mother is unavailable for mating for years while she cares for her young. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

22 Capuchin Monkeys

CAPUCHIN MONKEYS WASH THEIR BODIES WITH THEIR URINE. This process attracts mates. Marcel on Friends was grosser than you thought. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

21 Butterflies

BUTTERFLIES WILL EAT BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS, URINE, POOP, AND ROTTING FLESH. These not-picky-eaters will also consume mud. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

20 Slow Loris

THE SLOW LORIS CAN KILL YOU WITH ITS POISON. The only known venomous primate releases toxins from its inner arm. Some researchers believe it has evolved to mimic cobras. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

19 Margays

MARGAYS MIMIC THE CRIES OF INFANTS TO LURE ITS PREY. These large cats have been observed imitating the vocalizations of its prey species in order to attract its attention. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

18 Birds

PETTING A BIRD AROUSES THEM. A bird's sexual hormones are stimulated when it gets pet on its back. Some vets advise you to only pet the head and feet of a bird in order to not sexually frustrate it. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

17 Meerkats

Meerkats CRACKED.COM Hakuna Matata? Not likely. In meerkat society, the group alpha will kill nursing pups and use that mother as a wet nurse to her own young. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

16 Bottle-nosed Dolphins

Bottle-nosed Dolphins GRACKED GON: Dolphins have been found to use their snouts to ram the undersides of porpoises until they're good and dead. They even use their sonar to locate internal organs, like an evil version of Daredevil. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

15 Deer

Deer CRACKED.COM During the mating season, a rutting deer will gore you to death if you stand between them and some white-tail. Or if you're just minding your own business, as several people have found themselves being ambushed by horny males. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

14 Elephants

Elephants CRACKED.COM These giants love nothing more than flexing on the animal kingdom by using their trunks to fling rocks and logs at passersby. Seeing as how they're the heaviest land animal, this just seems like overkill. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

13 Chimpanzees

Chimpanzees CRACKED.COM Our genetic cousins are rarely seen in movies and TV after they reach maturity, and for good reason. They are basically 4 foot tall bodybuilders with mood disorders; female chimps will snatch a baby and eat it right in front of its mother. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

12 Nazca Boobies

Nazca Boobies CRACKED.COM Male boobies that haven't found a mate take it out on younger boobie chicks, pecking and kicking them, who then grow up to be just as abusive. Could it be the ridiculous name humans have given them? We may never know. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

11 Chimpanzees

MURDER IS COMMON AMONG CHIMPANZEES. Aside from planned murders of adult males, mother chimpanzees may have to hide while giving birth in order to prevent the alpha male from eating the newborn. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

10 Clownfish

CLOWNFISH WILL EAT THE EGGS OF ANY DEFORMED OFFSPRING. A truthful Finding Nemo would be extremely dark. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

9 Rabbits

RABBITS EAT THEIR OWN POOP Rabbits need to digest their food a second time in order to absorb the nutrients they need for CRACKED.COM survival. — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

8 Koalas

BABY KOALAS EAT THEIR MOM'S POOP Joeys initially breastfeed, but for several weeks it will peek its head out of its mom's poach to feast from its mom's butt. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

7 Ladybugs

LADYBUGS ARE CANNIBALS 2-spot larvae will eat their siblings in order to develop faster and create less competition for survival. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

6 Otters

OTTERS ARE KNOWN TO KILL BABY SEALS THROUGH INTERCOURSE In addition, they have been reported to have violent, forced sex with dogs. Males have also been seen having sex with dead otter bodies. CRACKED.COM — Source: 21 Horrific Facts About Adorable Animals

5 Woodpeckers

Woodpeckers CRACKED.COM Several varieties of woodpeckers have been documented pecking their way into the skulls of baby birds in order to eat their delicious brains. Woody Woodpecker's maniacal laugh seems all the more devious now. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

4 Penguins

Penguins CRACKED.COM Emperor penguin mothers who lost their young will kidnap a chick as a surrogate; the chilly step-moms soon get bored of their adopted offspring and abandon them to die in the cold on their own. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

3 White Bellbirds

White Bellbirds GRAGKED.COM Love is blind, but I bet these birds wish it was mute. The male white bellbird screams directly into the face of its potential mate, at a staggering 125 decibels - as loud as an ambulance siren. Just slide into her DMs like a normal person. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

2 Slow Lorises

Slow Lorises CRACKED COM These Beanie-Babies-made-real are actually the only venomous primate. By rubbing their poison armpit secretions onto their teeth, they deliver a bite that rots flesh, if it doesn't send you into anaphylactic shock first. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

1 Butterflies

Butterflies CRACKED.COM What's the matter? Gonna cry? Then you'll be making a tasty treat for butterflies and moths! Our delicate, fluttering friends love to land on stationary animals (usually reptiles) and literally drink their tears. — Source: 20 'Harmless' Looking Animals (That Are Actually Monsters)

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