This is the story of how, in a fit of insanity, I attempted to discover why and for what purposeGod gave me the gift of being able tosee into people's minds—to see their thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams—and then to tell them exactly how it was all going to turn out in the end. In other words, I tried to find God. The attempt nearly destroyed my mind, and left my body so damaged that even if I had been able to locate him, I would not have recognised him. He would not recognise me in return, of course. It's a sad story, really—a pathetic tale of human weakness and vanity.
It all began on the day I learned the Dreadful Knowledge. It was merely something that seemed innocuous at first, and for most people certainly was, but it turned out to be the exact key that, when placed in the lock of my mind, drove me insane. It was a list of fifteen facts that went:
Babies can chug better than anyone.
There is no such thing as too much sugar when you’re a kid.
Humans lost their penis bones.
Salt water pulls blood into your lungs when you are drowning.
A road in Russia is paved with good intentions – no wait, those are human bones.
The bones of a medieval archer are noticeably different.
Sword swallowing is indeed dangerous.
A nudey beach caused a boat of lookie loos to flip.
Norway introduced raw salmon to Japan.
Crowd noise was added to the studio recording of "Bennie And The Jets."
$70k was (legally) stolen from an MMO RPG bank.
Bluefin tuna can cook themselves when fighting with a fisherman.
A man went to jail based only on testimony from a teenager, who admitted to lying.
Cassius Clay wasn’t going to take being assassinated sitting down.
“Storm babies” are caused when the barometer drops.