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17 Biblical Things (That Are Nowhere In The Bible)

By:: Cracked Writers; Andres Diplotti

February 26, 2022

17 Biblical Things (That Are Nowhere In The Bible)

The Bible is, by far, the best-selling book of all time — but not the most read, if we go by what people know about it. Just like William Shakespeare’s plays, everyone talks about it, but most people’s knowledge comes from what others say (also, movies). It’s not surprising that a lot of that is wrong. Let’s just set the record straight about a few things.

17 Exodus from Egypt

Moses didn't demand freedom for the Israelites. Не did say to the Pharaoh, Let my people go - but then he added, so they may hold a festival to in the wilderness. It was less a plea for freedom, and more like asking your parents if you can go to Coachella. — More: Thou Shalt Maybe Kill: 5 Bible Facts Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: The Crossing of the Red Sea, by Nicolas Poussin (ca. 1634)

16 The Antichrist

The Antichrist is not one person. The word Antichrist is used only a handful of times in the Bible - and every single time, it describes a kind of person (any deceiver who doesn't acknowledge Christ), not a specific dude. You can be an Antichrist, and so can your neighbor. — More: 5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible
Image: Sermons and Deeds of the Antichrist, by Luca Signorelli (1501)

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15 Mockery of Noah

No one made fun of Noah. If any neighbor had a good chuckle at the boat- building old man, or even slightly shook their head at the whole business, the Bible doesn't say a word about it. The only thing we know about other people is that they all drowned. — Sources: Genesis 6, Genesis 7
Image: Noah Building the Ark, by Raphael

14 The Rapture

There is no Rapture in the Bible. People followed the Bible for a long time before anyone believed that the end of the world will have a VIP line. It was 19th-century Irish preacher John Nelson Darby who popularized the idea. — More: Thou Shalt Maybe Kill: 5 Bible Facts Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: The Last Judgment, by Jean Cousin the Younger (ca. 1585)

13 The Snake in the Garden of Eden

The snake was not the devil. Nowhere does the Book of Genesis say that the serpent which tempted Eve was Satan - it was just a reptile. It's described as a cagey beast, but never as a devil in disguise or anything like that. — Source: Genesis 3
Image: The Garden of Eden with the Fall of Man, by Jan Brueghel the Elder and Pieter Paul Rubens (ca. 1615)

12 Three Wise Men

The Wise Men are never mentioned to be just three. The Bible never tells just how many wise men from the East came to worship Jesus. The conventional number is three (because they brought three gifts - gold, frankincense, and myrrh), but some traditions set the total number as high as 12. — Source: Encyclopedia Britannica
Image: The Adoration of the Magi, by Abraham Broemaert (1624)

11 Jesus Birth

Jesus wasn't born in December. The Bible story doesn't mention the time of the year Jesus was born - but some parts of the story (like Jesus and Mary commuting to a different town, or shepherds watching over their flocks out in the open) are quite unlikely to happen in winter. — Source: Newsweek
Image: Nativity of Jesus, by Sandro Botticelli (ca. 1475)

10 The Devil

The devil isn't horned and cloven-footed. Satan is never physically described in the Bible - he was generally drawn as whatever seemed evil at the time (often stuff from other religions). The goat-like look might come from the Greek god Pan. — More: 5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible
Image: The Devil Presenting Saint Augustine with the Book of Vices, by Michael Pacher (15th century)

9 The Ten Commandments

There is no definite list of the Ten Commandments. The commandments aren't set out in a clear, numbered list, so different religions and sects have their own form of the entire ruleset. Thou shall not commit adultery, for example, is sixth in Catholicism, but seventh in the Protestant version. — More: Thou Shalt Maybe Kill: 5 Bible Facts Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: Moses with the Tables of the Law, by Guido Reni (ca. 1624)

8 Mary Magdalene

Mary Magdalene wasn't a prostitute. Not one of the four gospels mentions this about Mary Magdalene - the idea came about when people started confusing her with other women in the biblical narrative. The early Church, apparently thinking that the Bible had too many female characters, made this conflating official. — More: Bible 'Stories' Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: Mary Magdalene, by Andrea Ferrario (ca. 1524)

7 The Devil in Hell

The devil doesn't rule in Hell. Fallen angels are indeed in Hell, but they don't run the place - they are being punished, just like everyone else that ends up there. Any mention of Satan ruling the cell block come from biblical fanfiction. — More: 5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible
Image: Hell, by Hieronymus Bosch (1490)

6 Purgatory

The Bible never mentions Purgatory. Purgatory is a Catholic thing that wasn't formalized until the 1400s. Like many not-actually-biblical things, it entered popular culture because Dante Alighieri wrote about it in his epic poem The Divine Comedy. — More: Bible 'Stories' Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: An Angel Frees the Souls of Purgatory, by Ludovico Carracci (ca. 1610)

5 Seven Deadly Sins

The seven deadly sins aren't in the Bible. Unlike the commandments, there's no list of deadly sins in the Bible - they were formulated by the medieval Church as broad categories to classify all sins. — More: Bible 'Stories' Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: A Man Drinking, “Gluttony,” by Jacques de L’Ange (ca. 1642)

4 The Forbidden Apple

The forbidden fruit wasn't an apple. Well, it might be, but the Bible doesn't say - it's only ever generically called fruit. Some traditions identify it as a grape, a fig, or a citron. You can depict it as a banana if you feel like it, and no one can say you're wrong. — Source: Live Science
Image: The Garden of Eden with the Fall of Man, by Jan Brueghel the Elder and Pieter Paul Rubens (ca. 1615)

3 The Holy Grail

The Holy Grail isn't biblical. Yes, Jesus used a cup during the Last Supper - but the cup itself is not given any special significance. The Holy Grail was first invoked in the legend of King Arthur - and it wasn't even identified as Jesus' cup until later on. — More: 5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible
Image: The Damsel of the Sanct Grael, by Dante Gabriel Rosetti (1874)

2 Sodom and Gomorrah

Sodom and Gomorrah weren't destroyed over rampant homosexuality. Within the story, the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah never get more specific than general wickedness. A different part of the Bible states that the people of Sodom were lazy, arrogant, and uncharitable, but no mention is made of them being gay. — More: Bible 'Stories' Everyone Gets Wrong
Image: The Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, by John Martin (1852)

1 Angels

Angels aren't winged people. There are different kinds of angels in the Bible, and some do have wings -up to six of them. And eyes, lots of eyes. Others are four-headed monstrosities. They all have in common that they don't look even remotely human. — More: 5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible
Image: The Archangel Michael Defeats Satan, by Guido Reni (1635)

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