Moses asks the Pharaoh if he can borrow the slaves for a holiday weekend so they can kill some animals in the wilderness in God's name, as one does. There's supposed to be a return trip, and even the threat comes across as kinda weenie: "If we don't, he may strike us with plagues or the sword. Hey, we're including ourselves in this -- we're on your side, buddy!"
The Rapture Isn't In The Bible
You know about the rapture. If not from those terrible Kirk Cameron movies, then certainly from that one terrible Nicolas Cage movie. It's the magical day when Jesus will return and carry the faithful (but not their clothes; this is a "skinny rapture") up into Heaven. The rest are left behind to live in the kind of hellish chaos that a world in the hands of Nicolas Cage would foster. Only after seven years of that is Jesus supposed to come back for real.
But Actually ...
The Bible doesn't mention the rapture. Orthodox Christians, Roman Catholics -- none of them are supposed to believe in that crap. The only reason this nutty idea is so popular is thanks to radical 19th-century Irish preacher John Nelson Darby. He didn't invent the idea, but he popularized it. He's the ShamWow guy of the apocalypse.
Less fun, of course.
Darby developed his theories while resting in bed after a horse accident. Using a technique beloved by today's keyboard warriors, he took lines from different parts of the Bible and stuck them together to support his own idea. There's a verse in Thessalonians that talks about people being taken up into the air when Jesus comes back, but it doesn't say good people. Then there's a whole thing in the Book of Matthew about some being prepared for the Second Coming, while others are caught with their pants down. Darby spun all this together to insist that the end of the world will have a VIP line, and evangelists have capitalized on it ever since. After all, everybody thinks they deserve to slip past the velvet rope.
Alex Buchanan occasionally tries to write stuff to make people laugh. He has a Twitter that he updates when he remembers about it. Guy Bigel is a professional flute player and he uploads fun arrangements to his YouTube channel. Check out his stuff here.
For more proof you have absolutely no idea what's actually in the Bible, check out 5 Stories Everyone Assumes Are In The Bible (But Aren't) and 5 Shocking Scenes You Won't Believe Are in the Bible.
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