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32 Historical Jokes That We Still Think Are Pretty Funny Actually

By:: Brian C. Miller; Cracked Writers

July 27, 2023

32 Historical Jokes That We Still Think Are Pretty Funny Actually

Humor can be used to make us laugh or to make a point. In the case of historical jokes, we typically use them to teach people about history. Some of these jokes are old, and some are new, but they all have one thing in common: They’re very funny! I mean, did you hear the one about the history student who walked into a bar? If not, you’re in for a treat! Either way, check out some of the historical jokes that we still find hilarious below.

32

Doctor, doctor jokes go back to Roman times. Doctor, when I awake from sleep I have a dizziness for half an hour. The physician replied, Awake after the half hour. -From Philogelos (4th century CE) CRACKED.COM — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

31

Shakespeare is highbrow today, but the bard wasn't above making yo mama jokes. as CHIRON Thou hast undone our mother. AARON Villain, I have done thy mother. -From Titus Andronicus CRACKED.COM — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

30

CRACKED.COM Did you hear the one about the Roman Emperor? A man came to Rome and caused everyone to turn their heads because he looked so similar to Caesar. Augustus ordered that the man be introduced to him, and when he saw him he asked this: Tell me, young man, was your mother ever in Rome? Не denied that she was, then added: But my father was often! -From Macrobius' Saturnalia (400 CE) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

29

CRACKED COM The 5th century CE had its own Or are you just happy to see me? line. << HERALD I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I come from Sparta about making peace. MAGISTRATE But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes. -From Aristophanes' Lysistrata. — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

28

Sitcom jokes were already a thing 200 years ago. In John Tobin's play The Honey Moon (1805), a man reverses his anti-marriage stance after meeting a woman who is an angel. A sassy gal rejoinders: Ay, so are all women before marriage; and that's the reason their husbands so soon wish them in heaven afterwards. CRACKED.COM — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

27

CRACKED COM Remember the Dead Parrot sketch? There was once a joke about a dead slave. The slave you sold me died. By the gods, replied the other man, he never did such a thing when he was with me. -From Philogelos (4th century CE) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

26

In college Sao Paulo, students city council 1959, MAN! Cacareco elections... a Rhinoceros called ...and she didn't just WIN, she CRUSHED her opponents. In protest to political corruption, Perfena 100,000 people voted YL (plástico) com to elect Cacareco. brincar Para O Trea feitor sua casa, vivel. Despite spoil-sport officials rsos nullifying the vote, Voto Cacareco became os a S/A. S popular slang term for protest vote across Brazil. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

25

Over 1000 people gathered to see a genuine snow-white elephant that was visiting the Frankfurt ZOO. Snow-White Elephant To Visit Frankfurt Zoo FRANKFURT, March 28 (S&S)- The Frankfurt ZOO announced today it would play host next weekend to a gigantie snow-white elephant The elephant, en ; route from Genoa to a Copenbagen zoo in a specially built railway car, will rest here Saturday and Sunday before starting the last leg of a trip from the Burmese jungles. It turned out, It was just CRACKED.COM a regular gray elephant painted white. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

24

Ben Franklin: the original catfish. CRACKED.COM Franklin loved to write letters to newspapers under different pseudonyms, quite often female. One of his personas, a saucy middle aged widow named Silence Dogood, was so popular she even received marriage proposals. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

23

In the Satyricon (1st century CE), an older man seduces his host's son. At first the boy rebuffs him: Either you go to sleep or I'll call father! But then he relents, and turns out to be tireless. After three rounds, the exhausted man says: Either you go to sleep or I'll call father! CRACKED.COM — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

22

Philogelos, written in the 4th century СЕ, is the world's oldest collection of jokes. A witty student sold his books when he was short of money. Не then wrote to his father: Congratulate me, father, I am already making money from my studies. -From Philogelos CRACKED COM — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

21

GRACKED.COM APPENDIX. 153 Timothy Dexter trolled grammar lovers. 66.23 In 1802, self-proclaimed Lord Dexter published A Pickle for the Knowing One, a book with no punctuation. When readers complained, he included all the punctuation marks in an appendix. — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

20

Cicero was telling lame dad jokes 2,000 years ago. Cicero, seeing his son-in-law (a man of small stature) passing by with a large sword by his side, exclaimed, Who tied my son-in-law to that long sword? -From Macrobius' Saturnalia (400 CE) GRACKED.COM — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

19

CRACKED.COM Taking potshots at your wife wasn't invented by modern comedians. << A woman-hater paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him Who has gone to rest? he replied, Me, now that I'm alone. -From Philogelos (4th century CE) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

18

Ten days before Christmas, 1965, two astronauts in orbit reported a UFO with a pilot in red. NASA TP STAFF ORO NASA XK SCH SAL JR They told Mission Control: I see a command module and eight smaller modules in front. The pilot of the command module is wearing a red suit, and played Jingle Bells on a harmonica. CRACKED.COM The voices at Mission Control initially got tense, but once the song finished, they relaxed and said You're too much. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

17

In 1961, Life SPORTS Magazine A revealed how Wet Way to Muhammad Ali Train for a Fight achieved powerful blows: by training - underwater. - Except it wasn't true. The photographer, Flip Schulke, was trying to impress Ali by showing his collection of underwater shots when they first met. Ali immediately said that he also happened to train underwater. Years after the photos were published, Ali confessed to Schulke that he never trained underwater, and that the first time he had done so was when Schulke was taking the pictures. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

16

In the 1920s, artist Waldo Peirce gifted his hotel concierge with a tiny turtle. She greatly appreciated the gift, especially as it grew CRACKED.COM prodigiously in just a few weeks. But amusement soon turned to mystification when the process bizarrely began to reverse itself; her large pet shrinking until it seemed it would dwindle away to nothing. Finally, seeing her at her wit's end, Peirce confessed: he'd been stealthily switching turtles at every opportunity. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

15

For their first-ever home football game, Auburn was hosting Georgia Tech. The night before the game, a group of Auburn students sneaked into the train station and greased the track, causing the visitors' train to skid for about 5 miles when 3 they tried to stop. 43966 The Georgia Tech players had to walk back into town and ended up losing the game 45-0. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

14

Joseph Mulhatten was a salesman known for tricking newspapers into publishing THE RIONKEY AS AFARMER. his absurd stories. A Kentuckian Finds Them Pre- ferable to Negroes in His. Hemp Fields. Richmond, Ky. Feb. 18.-Mr. J. B. Parkes, a substantial farmor near Kingston, in this county, has suc- of seven cessfuly trained a force large mookeys to work in his honip fields, and to break and prepare the hemp for market. They do the In 1887, the New York Times picked up his tall tale about CRACKED.COM trained monkeys picking hemp on a Kentucky farm. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

13

After a drunken evening in Spain Ernest Hemingway tricked his friend А.Е. Hotchner into becoming an amateur bullfighter. Hemingway started telling Hotchner that he wanted to be his bullfighting manager. Hotchner thought it was all in good fun until Hemingway showed up with an authentic suit and pushed him into the ring with several famous CRACKED.COM matadors. Hotchner was charged by a bull, but he got out safely. Hemingway made it up to him with another drunken evening in Spain. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

12

CRACKED.COM 16th-century humor was thirstier than you think. A gentleman taking his leave of his mistress said: I kiss your hands and your feet. She answered: Forget not, I pray, the station between. -From Anthony Copley's Wits, Fittes, and Fancies (1595) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

11

GRACKED.COM Poggio Bracciolini was the Pope's secretary- and he wrote a book of dirty jokes. In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of being delivered. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her private parts, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. Look also on the other side, said the poor creature. My husband has sometimes taken that road. -From Facetiae (15th century) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

10

CRACKED COM The British of old waxed poetic about dirty riddles. Splendidly it hangs by a man's thigh, under the master's cloak. In front is a hole. It is stiff and hard; it has a goodly place. When the young man his own garment lifts over his knee, he wishes to visit with the head of what hangs the familiar hole he had often filled with its equal length. -From the Exeter Book, a 10th- century poetry anthology. (And it's a key, you pervs.) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

9

CRACKED.COM CRIME AND Aristophanes foresaw Brian from Family Guy 2,400 years ago. In The Wasps, a dog is taken to trial for stealing a Sicilian cheese. A defense attorney says it should be acquitted, as it's just some dumb dog-but then someone else points out that the dog wrote its own defense plea. — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

8

CRACKED.COM Emperor Augustus was a real jokester. When Galba, whose body was deformed by a hump on his back, was pleading a case before him and kept saying, Set me straight if you find any fault, Augustus said, I can advise you, but I cannot set you straight. -From Macrobius' Saturnalia (400 CE) — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

7

GRACKED COM ST. LOUIS WOLVES Homer did Who's on first long before Abbott and Costello. In The Odyssey, Odysseus tells a cyclops his name is Outis, No Man. So when the cyclops calls No Man is slaying me! no one comes to help. — Source: Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

6

According to various sources, Roman Emperor Elagabalus enjoyed playing jokes. One night during dinner, he allegedly had guests sit on cushions and slowly released the air from them, until they were sitting on the floor. WHOOPEE CUSHION CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

5

In 1818, American naturalist John Audubon made up 28 species, including a fish with bulletproof scales; to prank a visiting European naturalist. left. periodant exl wm Jac. The European naturalist, Constantine Rafinesque, believed it all and published his findings, with sketches. The motive? Audubon, who took in Rafinesque as a guest, one night found him naked and waving Audubon's favorite violin at bats that had flown in, convinced they were an undiscovered species. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

4

In 1910, a French novelist convinced a radical artist group that a painting made by a donkey was by a bold foreign painter. Roland Dorgelès tied a paintbrush to a donkey's tail, then fed it to make its tail wag back and forth across a canvas. Не told the artists the work was by Joachim-Raphaël Boronali, a pioneer of the new artistic movement Excessivism. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

3

John F Kennedy arranged a dinner to get his friend Lem Billings to meet actress Greta Garbo after listening to Lem boasting about his friendship with Greta. Kennedy asked the actress to act as if she didn't know Lem at all. After seeing Lem's awkward attempts to remind Greta of their previous outing, Kennedy asked Lem if the Greta he met the other day was a body double. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

2

In 1955, a research assistant snuck a joke into Nobel Prize-winning or work. before MY Mafter # F . A Flow- meter To voc tak 08:02 Pump points p C14 Small system = air activity A Lorge system . CO2 pressure H Soda lim - - M D E CO2 removal -- oir 1% CO2 agojoon K m Melvin Calvin's assistant made a bet that he could sneak a sketch of a man fishing into one of Calvin's papers, without him noticing. Не won the bet, and Calvin's research won the Nobel Prize. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

1

CRACKED.COM During his lawyer years Abraham Lincoln got a bunch of judges and lawyers to strip naked. While traveling with his legal buddies he suggested they take a shortcut by fording a river on horseback - naked, to keep their clothes dry. They did so, only to find that Lincoln had tricked them. The water was only a few feet deep. — Source: 18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today

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