13 Embarrassing Military Blunders From History

Soldiers are (often) undoubtedly courageous individuals willing to risk their lives for a greater cause. At the end of the day, soldiering is a profession like any other. Like any other poor sap in a 9 to 5, soldiers have made disastrous mistakes throughout history, from foolish Roman generals to overconfident American commanders. These follies, as well as their repercussions, shaped conflicts as recent as World War Two and even as early as the Second Punic War.

A few were caused by underestimating the opponent, while others were caused by the lack of understanding of the battlefield geography, but they all resulted in a calamity for these leaders as well as their troops.

We humans can't seem to quit fouling it up long after Sun Tzu released his treatise on war. In these examples the battlefield has morphed from a somber reminder of man's destructive nature to a comedy of errors that rivals a Leslie Nielsen film, from shooting your general to not informing your extended territories know a war was going on in the first place.

The list of foolish wars is back, but this time it includes a few cheap tricks as well as bizarre ends to the world's most unnecessary wars.

Here are 13 of the most egregious military gaffes:

13

AMERICA FIGHTS NO ONE, STILL LOSES 1943 CRACKEDO COM When a Japanese force took control of the island of Kiska, Alaska, with 500 men, the U.S. decided to send in 35,000 to reclaim it. Despite all evidence that the Japanese had left the island abandoned for weeks, U.S. troops swooped in and managed to lose 122 men by friendly fire, mines, and just straight up vanishing into the forest. — More: 5 Battlefield Screw Ups That Were Hilarious (Until People Died)

12

GUAM DIDN'T GET AN INVITE TO THE WAR 1898 CRACKEDO COM During the Spanish-American War, Spain never told Guam there was a conflict. When the USS Charleston arrived at their shores and fired 13 shots, Guam's response was to send a lone Spanish officer to meet the warship and thank them for the kind salute. They then asked the Americans if they could borrow some gunpowder to launch their own salute, as they were fresh out. — More: The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of War

11

AUSTRALIA LOSES THE WAR ON EMUS 1932 CRACKEDO COM In post-WWI Australia, 000 emus were flattening and eating wheat crops grown on the land of former soldiers. The Australian military was called in to help eradicate the birds, with fully automatic machine guns. In 6 days the army went through a quarter of their allotted ammunition to kill only 200 birds, and the war was cancelled by the end of the month. Right now 700,00 emus are running around Australia. — Source: Scientific American

10

RUSSIAN EQUIVALENT OF A HORSE-GIRL LEADS TO THE DEATH OF OVER HALF A MILLION TROOPS 1942 CRACKEDO COM Despite his shaky track record during WWII, Semyon Budyonny was named commander-in-chief of Southwestern and Southern Fronts in Ukraine under Joseph Stalin. Stuck in the mindset of a WWI officer, Budyonny believed the might of a soldier on horseback was all the Soviets needed to secure victory, and so he led a charge against the Germans - and their tanks. 665,00 Soviet men were slaughtered, giving Hitler his greatest military victory ever. — More: 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders

9

BRITISH SINK THEIR OWN WARSHIP DURING A SHOWCASE 1892 CRACKEDo COM In an attempt to show off the aquatic mastery of the British fleet, Vice Admiral George Tryon concocted a plan to have two fleets of warships synchronize a turnabout in the water; this wasn't a complicated maneuver, but Tryon got his math wrong and the two lead ships, the Victoria and the Camperdown, collided, causing the Victoria to sink. — More: The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of War

8

BRITISH TROOPS LOWER THEIR DEFENSES TO WATCH BALL GAME 1761 CRACKED COM A neighboring Natvie AmericanTribe lulled the Brits into a false sense of security for years by playing games of lacrosse outside Fort Michilimackinac. One day, when most of the British soldiers were outside to view the game, a ball soared over the walls of the fort and a few members of the tribe went to get it through the open gates. Soon, the whole tribe was behind the walls, stocked up on weapons, and began slaughtering the people inside. — More: 5 Battlefield Screw Ups That Were Hilarious (Until People Died)

7

ITALIAN COMMANDER IGNORES WWII FOR MUSIC 1940 Gen. Soddu Out as Chief II of Italy's Albanian Army it W CRACKED.co Italian General Ubaldo Soddu had a bigger appetite for pasta than war; for his entire 4 week career as General, Soddu would retire to his tent early to compose music for imaginary movies while a World War raged on outside. The defeats under General Soddu led Mussolini to call on Hitler for support, delaying the German invasion of Russia, which ultimately ended with a victory for the Allies. — More: 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders

6

JAPAN BUILDS BATTLESHIP. FLOODS THEIR OWN CITY 1940 CRACKED.co COM Japan was determined to outgun us on every front, even before their war with the U.S. began. This led to them building a battleship, Musashi, twice the size of our formidable Iowa. When they finally launched this behemoth, the water displacement was SO massive that a 4-foot-high tidal wave flooded Nagasaki. — More: The 6 Most Embarrassing War Stories of All Time

5

AMERICAN TROOPS FIGHT EACH OTHER AND GIVE UP 1812 CRACKED.co COM During the War of 1812, the British led a nighttime ambush in Stoney Creek. American General John Chandler rode into the melee, was knocked off his horse, and woke up soon after confused. Chandler ran to the artillery emplacement to rally his troops, but found only British soldiers. His second in command rushed in and was similarly captured. American troops fought each other and retreated, leaving the British as the victors. — More: The 6 Most Embarrassing War Stories of All Time

4

AN ILL-TIMED SIESTA LEADS TO MEXICO LOSING TEXAS 1836 CRACKED COM Riding high off his victory at the Alamo (remember that?), Mexican General Santa Anna believed he was untouchable by the Americans. In San Jacinto, as the larger Mexican army napped, a single rank of the Texan army snuck up and found no guards were even posted to keep watch. The Texans overran the camp and won in 18 minutes. — Source: Texas, A Modern History

3

HISTORY'S MOST FAMOUS GENERAL IS KILLED BY HIS OWN MEN 1863 CRACKED.co COM Thomas Stonewall Jackson was a legendary Confederate general during the Civil War, known for his balls-to-the-wall style of overwhelming the enemy, which ultimately was his downfall. As Stonewall Jackson was riding back to his encampment from behind enemy lines, his own men mistook him as a Union soldier and pumped him full of lead. — More: The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of War

2

ITALY FALLS FOR THE TROJAN HEARSE 860 A.D. and CRACKED.COM Viking chieftain Hastein wanted to take on the Italian port city of Luna, but the defenses looked too formidable for a straight on attack. The vikings devised a plan and told the people of Luna that Hastein had died, but not before he converted to Christianity, requesting a Christian burial within the city. During this false-funeral, Hastein popped out of his coffin, killed the presiding Bishop, and sacked the city. — Source: A History of the Vikings

1

ZANZIBAR GOES TO WAR WITH BRITAIN FOR 40 MINUTES 1896 CRACKED After the Sultan of Zanzibar suddenly died (or was murdered), his second son seized the throne, in defiance of their treaty with Britain. 5 British Navy battleships pulled up to their shores and demanded the pretender step down by 9am, August 27. The Sultan fortified his palace with hilariously outdated, 17th century cannons, but the British kept their word and at 9am the palace was shelled for 40 minutes, killing 500 and forcing the Sultan to flee. — Source: Daily Telegraph

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