"... wow, I feel like an asshole."
Foust's temperamental F-106 proceeded to fly itself in a straight line until it landed almost perfectly in a snowy cornfield below. When police on the ground finally caught up with it, they found the jet's engine still running.
Airforce Magazine via www.f106deltaart.com
"I wish I had eyes so I could see the look on that sonofabitch's face."
The Air Force, evidently fearful of whatever demon had taken control of the plane, instructed the police to just sit and wait until it ran out of fuel rather than climb in and attempt to shut it off. When it finally did sputter to a stop, the Air Force repaired the damage and put it right back into service, because, in all fairness, the jet was a damn fine pilot.
The Japanese Accidentally Flood Their Own City With a Battleship
Buyenlarge / Getty
In 1940, Japan, although not yet at war with the United States, wanted to thoroughly outmatch its Navy. So they commissioned the battleship Musashi, which, nearly double the size of the Iowa, was the largest battleship ever fielded by Japan In fact, the Musashi was so massive and displaced so much water that, when it was finally launched, it triggered a 4-foot-high tidal wave that flooded Nagasaki.
The ... um, the picture doesn't really do it justice.
Japan really concentrated on outfitting the Musashi with every gun that had ever existed. Its main cannons fired shells that were 18 inches across over a distance of 26 miles, which is almost enough to kill dinosaurs while orbiting the Earth. Unfortunately, there is a problem with launching a ship designed to scuttle moons, and the problem went undetected by the Japanese Navy -- because, apparently, none of them had ever put a fat child in a bathtub.
So, they pushed the lumbering beast into the water, and could only watch helplessly as the huge wave generated by the Musashi went crashing through the harbor and cascading up several rivers, capsizing almost every other ship in its wake and flooding all of the houses along the riverbanks. Despite being dangerous and humiliating, the Musashi's rampaging displacement arguably suggested a new strategy to the commanders of the Imperial Navy.
"We should have saved the ammo and just dropped this thing next to America."
Confused residents who had been confined to their homes to protect the secrecy of the Musashi's launch became far more confused when seawater burst through their doors like the wildebeest stampede in The Lion King. After rushing outside to avoid drowning, the people were shooed back inside their partially-submerged houses by the Japanese military, who either quickly fabricated some excuse, or simply pretended that nothing was out of the ordinary. Hell, it's not as though they would have believed the truth.
Xavier Jackson can be reached at XavierJacksonCracked@gmail.com or you can Like his Facebook page. Richy Craven writes about Batman and tweets occasionally. Dustin Koski writes regularly for toptenz.net, though you wouldn't know it to look at him.
For more war stories that are more like black comedies, check out 5 Soldiers Whose Horrific Injuries Only Made Them Angry and 6 WWI Fighter Pilots Whose Balls Deserve Their Own Monument.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 3 Insane Marriage Proposals (That Actually Worked).
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