32 of the Funniest Bad Things Kids Have Done (As Told By Their Parents)

Kids say and do the most messed-up things. And it’s hilarious
32 of the Funniest Bad Things Kids Have Done (As Told By Their Parents)

Kids don’t have filters; they’re just not wired that way. Most of the time, they merely parrot their parents or echo whatever they hear on TV without the slightest clue what the words leaving their wee little mouths mean. When they learn right from wrong, it’s typically through trial and error. Unfortunately for the tiny tykes, these errors often result in punishments, groundings and good old-fashioned bars of soap to the mouth. But once they learn the error of their ways, the experience gives them (or their parents) a funny story to tell in the future. 

These parents certainly couldn’t wait to turn to Reddit to share the times that their kids were at their worst — but also at their funniest…

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phesandsages . 5y While playing in her pretend kitchen, my 4 year old was rummaging through the cabinets and says Where the fuck is my colander?! Before I can say anything she finds it, sniffs it, looks at her teddy bear and asks Did you piss in this? After gathering my composure I discussed the use of daddy words ... 10.3k
eeeebbs 5y I got cut off in traffic recently, and knowing my 2.5 year old daughter was in the back seat I held it together with a simple are ya kiddin' me buddy!? and open-hand raise. Proud of my restraint I smiled at my daughter in the rear view mirror; another day of successful parenting... Until she piped up: was he a juicebag mom?. It's hard to drive and discipline and cry laugh and hide your face at the same time. ... 1.1k
Mr_Poaf 5y I was a single father who was raising a child while going to college. When my daughter was in kindergarten I picked her up after school and we went to the park. While playing on the jungle gym she farted. I teased her a little chanting Jordan farted, Jordan farted. She asked me to stop and I did. Later that evening we were having dinner and I farted. So, of course, she started in right away daddy farted, daddy farted. But, just at that second, the cat walked into the room and I said It wasn't me, it
wow_pretty_colors . 5y My very well fed dog decided on this particular day that all the food in the auto feeder was his. Не would eat when he pleased and when he wasn't hungry he would lay down next to it and protect it from being eaten by his sister. My 3 year old goes up to him and says get away from your food, you fatass! I was dying. That is what I was thinking but not something I was going to say to him ... 5.1k
Tinyasparagus . . 5y While watching TV, my 4 year old told us she was super sorry for being a crazy bitch. We explained the bad word, and told her she didn't do anything wrong. Then we laughed about it. We watch our language at home now. ... 2.1k
BeenBearclawed 5y One morning we awoke to find our 2 year old boy covered head to toe in urine because he had removed his diaper. So while bathing him, our 5 year old girl asked if she could take a bath too. It was a weekday and we were all running very late getting ready for work and trying to get the kids to school on time. We explained to her that there was no time and the only reason he was getting a bath was because he peed his bed. She then went to her room, laid down, peed
PeterVanNostrand 5y This just happenned a day ago. For reference, ive been recently calling people turkeys in the car when my son is there and i need to vent (son is three). So im picking wife and son up from the beach since parking is expensive. As im trying to turn around on this public street, these two young hellions are on bikes riding too close to my car as im in reverse. I say, these kids should be more careful or theyre gonna get hit one day. My son says without a beat, yeah, theyre fucking turkeys. We were
mainlyforshow 5y Walking through the capital building with my then four year old son when a man on crutches with one amputated leg got into the same elevator as us. My son said, in stage whisper, Mom, what happened to his leg? The man heard him and kindly said that he lost his leg a year ago. My son didn't miss a beat and said Did you check between the couch cushions? My mom says she always loses shit in there. I was appalled. The man, on the other hand was laughing so hard he was crying. ... 10.4k
PonyJetpack 5y I was driving with my kids in the car and was almost hit by a driver making a very stupid maneuver. I responded by angrily saying Oh, now look at this fucking guy. My 3 year old son then continued to repeat that phrase for about a month, any time we were in traffic (Thankfully only in the presence of me). It was hard to correct with a straight face. ... 9.2k
traylblayzer . . 5y Not a parent but when I was a kid I cursed and my mom washed my mouth out with soap, my response mmhm its fucking delicious ... 437
southernbelladonna 5y I once caught my youngest son (about 3 at the time) peeing in the corner of his room...right next to the wastebasket and sort of behind a bookshelf. When I asked him why he was doing that when there was a bathroom 10 feet away, he said he was watering the ants. Confused about what ants and why, I went over and peeked behind the bookshelf. And I found the ants. And the half donut he'd swiped and shoved back there. Along with various bits of candy, a slice of bread, and most of a chicken nugget. Apparently,
lluvablondemexican . 5y My boss has Red Sox season tickets. She gave me a pair so I could bring my then 10 year old son. We ended up on the dance cam on the big screen and my sweet baby boy decided to flip Fenway Park the bird. ... 496
PWcrash 4y Not a parent but my niece (six) did this when me and her mom were out shopping. Her mom was trying to get her to try new foods and she told her she could pick out one fruit at the fruit stand. Immediately she runs over to the Kiwis and shouts in front of God and country... I want these brown hairy balls! Needless to say, every adult within earshot was dying of laughter and my SIL was dying of embarrassment. ... 5
mcbangel . 4y Took my niece, who was 4 at the time, to go buy a dress. Took her into the fitting room to try it on. I tell her to take her clothes off so she can try on her dress and she starts screaming, I'm not getting naked! You can't make me! I was so waiting for the cops to come get me lol ... 2
BigD36x ОР 4y I took my son with me to buy a gallon of milk awhile ago and I hadn't gotten my paycheck yet so I literally just had money for milk and nothing else, my son was 6 and going through the phase where he thought everytime he went to the store he was going to get something, So I told him no toys and he didn't really tantrum but he got all moody the entire walk home, halfway home we pass a police officer just doing a walk around and my son turned to the cop as we
Squirrelgirl25 4y My husband taught our baby how to growl. I'm in the grocery store with her, waiting for my husband to finish checking out, and this nice elderly man comes over and sits on the bench next to us. Не says he's waiting for his wife and comments on how cute my baby is. She smiles at him and he says hi there! Then she smiled even bigger and growled at him. Poor guy had no idea. I just cracked up laughing and told him my husband taught her how to growl and now that's how she says hello.
steph314.. 4y Took my 4 year old in the potty the other day at a gas station. She asked why I had fur on my bottom. ... 3
TheTom1973 . 4y Walking through a hardware store, 5 year old in the cart. We walked by a guy that was A:Twice my size. B:Smelled very strongly of poo. C: Did i mention he smelled of poo? My lovely 5 year old Daughter screams. DAD DAD DAD! Him is POOPY! Не got visibly angry, red face, veins popping, teeth grinding. Turned to us, said to me Your kid needs manners my lovely 5 year old says You needs a bath. And lots of perfume We left. ... 19
laundryandblowjobs 4y Sitting at a baseball game with my kid who was probably 2 or 3. He's turned around backwards in his seat, to look at the mom and kid who happen to be sitting right behind us. The mom is obese, and her kid is climbing around on her lap. My kid turns to me and says (as loud as you want) I wish I had a Great, Big, GIANT mommy like that! I tried to salvage by asking if it was because the hugs would be so much better. Не said yes. I hope that helped! ... 7
blufrost007 . 4y My brother's first word was dumbass. Не was also so proud of speaking that he would go everywhere saying dumbass dumbass dumbass. ... 8
Summertimebreez . 4y My boyfriend at the time and myself took my 3 year old son out to eat at a nice restruant. When he had to use the bathroom my boyfriend took him and he decided to use the restroom as well while he was in there. My 3 year old comes back to the table and as loud as possible yells  wow mama he has a big pee pee The man in the booth behind us chocked on his food and my boyfriend was so mortified we just left. We got married a couple years later. ... 18
adisplacedcanadian . . 4y Most recently: 4 yr old: took my daughter to the bathroom at the mall, then had to go myself. The stall was tiny so she had to wait for me outsidr the stall and I told her to keep talking to me so I knew she was there. So she says, Mommy remember when you were on lots of drugs. Loudly. I have never done drugs, I barely take anything for headaches, I have no clue where it came from.
TJC528 . 4y My ex took our 3 yr old to his job to pick up something and one of the other men was there with his wife. My son excitedly said, Dad, she has big boobs like Mommy! ... 23
ToastyTobasco . 4y 2yr old had a cup of cheerios walking beside us in Walmart. Не stumbles, cereal scattered everywhere. Не looks around, lets out a loud sigh and says Well, shit Не does existential sighs often, staring off into oblivion. I just sit there like Damn kid, whats happened this early in life to cause this? Kids are endlessly entertaining ... 12
maureenponderossa 4y The other day at the crowded grocery store, my 8 year old looked at me and said, hey Mom. I know why it's called a penis. Because you pee out of your nuts. I lost it, the 5 or 6 strangers around started laughing. As we're walking away, I tried to explain where his pee really comes from and he said, ew mom, in too young to hear about all that. Kid's a little shit. ... 13
notsohairykari 4y A couple of years ago, I was taking my 9 year old son to the park. To get to the park, you had to cross a bridge set over a small creek. I had almost finished crossing when I walked past three women and heard a fart. I looked to the three women because I knew it wasn't me and they were all looking at each other with disgust. I heard one of the older women asking one of the younger girls if she did it as the distance between us spread. I was pretty amused but just
KingShish . 4 4y when he was 6 he starting singing Chop Suey at a dinner table ... 18
UncommitedRebirth07 4y Once my 6-year-old child went to the high school my older daughter was in to listen to her valedictorian speech (I was so proud of her). My daughter was so excited and in a part of her speech, she said, This has all been such a learning experience for me, and I feel like this school has matured me- My son screams, I haven't! I still pick my butt with my hands because I can't be bothered to go to the bathroom, and she's my sister, so she must do it to which means she's not mature! Needless
LessCarpenter . . 4y At the grocery store with my boys, 2 and 3. Suddenly, without any context, the 3-year-old broke his silence to scream at the cashier, Mama's wiener is missing! ... 42
miz_ladyinpurple 4y My son (4) had recently discovered one morning while getting dressed, the fact he can get a boner. Не was very upset that his, penis got big. We had a talk and he got over it. Later that day I'm picking him up from daycare and having a chat with his ЕСЕ (Early Childhood Educator). Other children running around us and other parents picking up their kids. Не is also in the school-age room where kids are 4-12 years old. Не got his hand down his pants and I ask, Buddy do you have to pee? Him, No.
Sageadvice0048 . 4y My two year old son and I were walking through Target and were approaching the lingerie section. There were a couple of young women browsing as we walked by. As soon as my son noticed all the bras on display, he goes Look, boobs! really loudly for all the hear. ... 53
FoxeslnSweaters в 4y Remember when your parents told you to eat all of your food so you can grow up big and strong? Well walking into a restaurant at the same time as a very obese man was walking out and my 4 year old kid says Wow mom look at him! Do you think he ate all the food in the whole restaurant? Is there going to be some left for us? ... 140
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