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A fat, juicy one right off the tree

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29 Celebrity Quotes That Prove Intellect and Fame Aren’t on the Same Evolutionary Chart

By:: Jay L'Ecuyer; Cracked Writers

September 28, 2023

29 Celebrity Quotes That Prove Intellect and Fame Aren’t on the Same Evolutionary Chart

Growing up, you tend to think wealth and success are somehow linked to intelligence. We live in a meritocracy, where hard work and a high IQ pay off! Right?

Well, some of us don’t have the luxury of a high IQ. We had to Google “meritocracy” to make sure we were using the right five-syllable word, for example. But we’ve got great news for our fellow underachievers: Celebrities are living proof that success and intelligence have no common ancestor. Being rich, famous and well-liked does not equate to an abundant mental capacity (thank you, Thesaurus.com)!

29

Miraculously, the first time in history, steel was melted by fire. It is physically impossible. -Rosie O'Donnell, referring to the 9/11 collapse of 7 World Trade Center Because, you know... They harvest it right out of the ground looking just like this. GRAGKED.COM — Source

28

The whole conception is flawed at the top because people don't read any more. -Steve Jobs in an interview at the 2008 MacWorld Expo, discussing the Amazon Kindle. This was two years before Apple launched the iPad. CRACKED.COM — Source

27

CRACKED.COM El 10 Maybe if we called the Intelligent Designer 'Louis Vuitton' to avoid frightening the Godphobics, they'd finally admit the truth: Modern science has disproved Darwinian evolution. -Ann Coulter, best-selling author & conservative pundit — Source

26

Atari to Jobs and Wozniak: 1976 ATARI® CRACKED.COM When Jobs offered to sell him the rights to his personal computer, Atari president Joe Keenan said get out of here, you stink, and we're not going to buy your product. — Source

25

Bill Gates on SPAM: 2004 CRACKED.COM Gates had some high hopes for spam filters back in 2004: Two years from now, spam will be solved. Не envisioned a system where users would charge spammers a small fee for every email. — Source

24

Mayim Bialik on placenta eating: 2012 CRACKED.COM The PhD-holding actress, who is often cited as evidence that The Big Bang Theory is a smart show for smart people, didn't research camels or a single aquatic mammal before writing human beings are the only mammals that have chosen not to ingest their placenta... end of story. — Source

23

Tom Cruise on antidepressants: 2005 THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE CRACKED.COM The guy who believes that our bodies are riddled with ancient alien ghosts would have us believe that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in a body. — Source

22

Michael Douglas on cunnilingus: 2013 CRACKED.COM Не stated, correctly, that HPV can be transmitted via oral sex. But he should have bitten his tongue before he made this baffling addendum: cunnilingus is also the best cure for it. — Source

21

David Bowie on the future of copyright: 2002 CRACKED.COM Bowie predicted some major changes to the music industry. While he didn't see Songs of Innocence being force fed to every iPhone user, he did say I'm fully confident that copyright, for instance, will no longer exist in 10 years. — Source

20

Nancy Pelosi thanks George Floyd for his sacrifice. coo TROU After Derek Chauvin was convicted of murdering George Floyd, Pelosi gave a speech in which she thanked Floyd for sacrificing your life for justice. Being murdered isn't a sacrifice. CRACKED.COM — Source

19

Elon Musk and, well, every second thing he says. - - - Our top choice for dumbest take this time around is when he shared his skepticism concerning COVID-19: Elon Musk @elonmusk Mar 6, 2020 The coronavirus panic is dumb CRACKED.COM — Source

18

TED CRUZ doesn't get comics (or characters, or story conflicts, or...). The Republican Senator argued on his podcast The Verdict: Have you noticed in many movies how often rabid environmentalists are the bad guys? Whether it's Thanos, or go to Watchmen...the view of the left is people are a disease. They buy into the Malthusian line that there are too many people in the world, people are bad and everything would be better if we had fewer people. Thanos wanted to eliminate 50 percent of the life forms in the universe with one finger snapping. CRACKED.COM — Source

17

CRACKED.COM It's my placenta. My mom found it in my basement, crushed it up, and made it into a necklace that I wear every day to improve my psychic abilities. Ke$ha, discussing her Horcrux (we think) — Source

16

CRACKED.COM m G I hate flying. Know why? Because no one really understands how planes actually work. Adam Levine, who lacks access to Google — Source

15

CRACKED.COM I love the smell of diapers. I even like when they're wet and you smell them all warm, like a baked good. Sarah Jessica Parker, truly finding yum in someone else's yuck (somehow) — Source

14

ah CRACKED.COM در علام AH Emirates FREE Dubai 13 th Du ational Internat estival ilm Fes Pandora.. Whoever you are!! Thank you!! I get tweets about you playing my music all the time!! A tweet from Tyrese, who at least seems to know that Twitter isn't a person دب ب السيلماني 13 Co — Source

13

CRACKED.COM pitalOn I'm so obsessed with you I want to skin you and wear you like Versace. Katy Perry, taking weeb culture to horrifying levels — Source

12

I'm thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, 'Why stop at one?'... Therefore, I'm considering a platoon of monkeys. So that people will look at me and see how mellow and well-adjusted I am compared to these monkeys throwing feces around. Robert Downey Jr., who knows the correct way to spend money CRACKED.COM — Source

11

Shaq can't recall if he partied at the Parthenon. GRACKED COM When someone asked if he visited the Parthenon while he was in Greece: I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to. — Source

10

Christina Aguilera cannes't take this one back: CRACKED.COM So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? — Source

9

Mitt Romney defines the new American dream: CRACKED.COM I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love. — Source

8

Cameron Diaz fancies herself a bit of a prodigy: CRACKED.COM I've been noticing gravity since I was very young. — Source

7

Sylvester Stallone has big plans for his next life: CRACKED.COM The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush. — Source

6

I actually don't like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don't. I do not like to think at all. -Kanye West CRACKED.COM — Source

5

GRAGKED.COM Me will all laugh at gilded butterflies Would you not be so much more interested in finding out that Bigfoot existed than in watching a really good movie? I believe in aliens. I am childlike in my spirit, and I want to believe in fairy tales. Loch Ness monster...the Bell Witch. What distracts me from my reality is Bigfoot. They are my celebrities. - Megan Fox — Source

4

It's okay to have beliefs, just don't believe in them. -Guy Ritchie CRACKED.COM — Source

3

WHAT IS MY TALENT? WELL, A BEAR CAN JUGGLE AND STAND ON A BALL AND HE'S TALENTED, BUT HE'S NOT FAMOUS CRACKED.COM - KIM KARDASHIAN — Source

2

CRACKED.COM dont know what it was about 2nite...but I just felt like a baby bunny smelling a spring flower. felt good. like salt and freshly baked bread -Justin Bieber — Source

1

I might fade into Bolivian. Mike Tyson CRACKED.COM — Source

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