When artillery starts exploding you want to be as mobile as possible - begin by disabling your car safety belts.
Following the news is like reading a superhero comic in which the heroes actually stay dead.
Listen, I don't scare easily, but f**k a bug. All bugs.
Unsurprisingly, the move toward making horror-based entertainment more like watching a person get murdered for real has extended to haunted houses in recent years.
Forget Kim Kardashian's bum. Star Wars: The Force Awakens is breaking the internet.
The news is like a very confusing story written by a novelist who was trying to treat his chronic paranoia with cocaine.
We sat down with someone who spent most of the last decade working for the TSA, and he explained to us just what it was like being inside that most hated of organizations.
I'm not saying any of the things on this list are definitely going to happen. I'm just saying they already did once.
Trying to stay on top of the news is like trying to defeat a swarm of killer bees by eating them.
In the latest installment of our never-ending quest to keep you safe from the Internet's tidal waves of bullshit, we'd like to focus on alien life.
We talked to a whole bunch of former and current military servicewomen about this subject. Somehow, what they had to tell us was even worse than we expected.
You should be aware that an expensive seafaring vacation can quickly turn into a petri dish of disease and nightmares.
Pick up any small-town newspaper and you'll see a special section reserved for stuff straight out of a bad episode of 'X-Files.'
The news is like a 'Walking Dead' spinoff where they've replaced the zombies with assholes.
All of us have fallen for stories like these before but there are some particularly egregious types of B.S. that shouldn't fly anymore