Most Expensive Mask In The World Is Also The Dumbest

Most Expensive Mask In The World Is Also The Dumbest

We've seen gold that you can eat and diamonds that you can masturbate with, so it was only a matter of time before this trend of rich assholes taking ordinary items and finding ways to make them outrageously expensive extended to masks as well. That day of reckoning is finally upon us, and it's to the tune of this $1.5 million jewel-encrusted mask which you can see below:

Again, we all knew this was coming, but to actually see a man bedazzle personal protective equipment with 1.5 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire grand prizes of jewelry is still a wonder to behold. I mean, it used to be that if you wanted to spend millions of dollars advertising that you were a douchebag, you made videos on YouTube showing off your garage.  

Now you just slap a gold-plated mouth-diaper to your face and walk around looking like Bane got a glow-up. Sure, a regular mask can do a decent job blocking COVID-19 particles, but this mask does an excellent job blocking particles containing self-respect.

I imagine it takes a particular type of person to actually want to buy this. You would need enough disposable income to not mind that you're using a seven-figures worth of bling to catch snot, but you'd have to be lacking such humility and taste, that you'd think this was a good look. Maybe Goldmember from Austin Powers would wear this? But even then, I imagine he'd be in the anti-mask crowd, so it truly is a mystery.

If you, for whatever reason, decided that you needed a costly mask to feel good about yourself, then at least get some value out of it. This mask can translate your voice and amplify your speech:

It's 40 bucks, and it might actually be useful rather than, you know, act as a 1.5 million dollar billboard that screams, "Mug me!" But then again, we suspect that if you have 1.5 million dollars to spend on a gold-plated mask, you probably have even more money to spend on gold-plated bodyguards. So yeah, this is definitely some sort of Batman villain shit. 

Support Dan on Twitter and he will talk about his life with you in lieu of getting a therapist.

Top Image: Bloomberg QuickTake/ Twitter


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