An Angry God Has Clearly Cursed Disney World
As the world capital of sticky children and the generally unhygienic, Disney World's decision to reopen to the general public on July 15 despite the ever-soaring rate of coronavirus infection in Florida was concerning, to say the least. Leaked photos of employees crowding into lines during their preview days didn't make anyone more comfortable, although visitors have since reported that Disney is ruthlessly enforcing precautionary protocols (or they were at least coerced into doing so by a powerful cartoon mouse). Still, it apparently wasn't enough to avoid divine wrath, as Disney World has clearly been cursed by an angry god.
The problems started before they even officially opened, when an animatronic character from the park's Carousel of Progress show freaked out, flailing around in his chair like a "cool" teacher giving a particularly impassioned lecture on Catcher in the Rye. A recording of it instantly became a meme, and the best one involves Daveed Diggs's "Guns and Ships" rap from Hamilton. Save your arguments. This isn't one.
Then, on July 31, guests floating along Epcot's Living with the Land attraction suddenly found themselves going backward. Bloggers suggest that this happened because the ride had to be emergency stopped, but no one seems to know why. Wasn't there something in the Bible about rivers flowing backward?
Finally, as whatever supernatural force responsible for punishing Disney apparently grew increasingly exasperated, Splash Mountain started straight-up sinking folks.
It's not clear, however, if this act of smiting (smition?) is a result of Disney's hubris in the face of pestilence or the dragging of their feet to revamp the racist ride. Maybe the same god is in charge of both jurisdictions. Maybe they're buddy-copping it. Whatever the case, watch out for four horsemen if you happen to brave the park. They're bound to be around somewhere. (Probably, Hollywood Studios. Pestilence loves the Twilight Zone ride.)
Top image: Unsplash/Park Troopers