Cracked Archive - News


24 News Stories Too Hopeful For The Media To Report Them

Despite what the media reports, there are good things going on around the world.


Republicans Think Hillary Clinton Is A Literal Witch

Remember that time Ben Carson said Hillary Clinton was in cahoots with the devil?


8 Reasons My Therapist Wants Greg (And Can't Have Him)

Jane asks me a lot of questions about the boys I date ... especially Greg. And she's extremely disapproving. Like overly disapproving.


5 Reasons (Almost) Everyone Was Wrong About Trump

You jerks! I said this was going to happen.


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/26)

Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces gone and the rest coated in sewage.


Why I Kept My Rape By A Priest A Secret (And Can't Anymore)

Our source was molested back in the '80s, and he never reported it to anyone outside of the Church. For 30 years, he's kept quiet. And then he spoke to us.


The 7 Dirtiest Tricks Politicians Use To Make You Like Them

Every election, politicians keep serving us up the same crap -- stuff that has nothing to do with their ability to lead.


The RNC Stayed Safe Because Of This Clown (Seriously)

A lot of folks deserve credit for keeping the RNC protests peaceful, but in my experience covering all four days, one man stood above the rest: Vermin Supreme.


A Look At The Anonymous Sex Scene At Trump's Convention

As we speak, hundreds (if not thousands) of Republicans are having having hot, nasty, anonymous Cleveland sex.


The Ridiculous Endgame Of The Trump Nomination

The thing that nobody thought could happen, happened. Donald Trump officially became the Republican nominee for president.