Cracked Archive - News
Keeping up with the news is like jumping into a passing flash mob.
Despite the fact that this sordid tale is all over every (non-FOX) news station these days, the press has somehow neglected to tell you the weirdest parts.
- By Justin Crockett
We've got your morning reading covered.
We get it. You'd rather chew your own foot off than check the news right now.
Some weeks it's like the news outlets are run by minions and Toy Story aliens.
Some weeks it's like the news is bees and you're Nic Cage.
Some days the news reads like a cryptic note you wrote to yourself in the middle of the night.
Sometimes the news is like a car alarm in a parking garage.
The news outlets are like infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, but without all the Shakespeare.