Cracked Archive - News
The 16 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (3/15)
The news is like a series of strangers saying, 'This milk is spoiled! Here, smell it! I SAID SMELL IT.'
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- Comments
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743
743 The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (3/8)
The news is crafted specifically to cater to people who enjoy being angry and/or terrified.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- Comments
- 802
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (3/1)
The news can seem like this is all an elaborate prank being played by a billionaire for his reality show.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- 777
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/23)
Today's news is like a less plausible version of the wacky fake headlines from 1980s movies set in the future.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
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- 827
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/16)
The news is like 'The Walking Dead,' only without that show's sense of naive optimism.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
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- Comments
- 773
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The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/9)
The news is like an alarm that sounds 24 hours a day, alternately screaming that you're going to die and that you need to ask your doctor about erectile dysfunction pills.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
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- Comments
- 832
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/2)
Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to binge-watch every movie in the 'Gory Psychological Horror' and 'Violent Political Drama' categories on Netflix.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 773
4 Ways The Presidential Race Has Destroyed Iowa
All the red-white-and-blue hullabaloo that visits Iowa once every four years makes life really, really strange for the people who live there.
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- By Robert Evans, Anonymous, Evan V. Symon
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- 566
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/26)
Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to clean up post-blizzard snow drifts by pissing on them.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 789
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/19)
World events are like a game of chess, only there are billions of pieces, no rules, and the board is perched precariously over a landmine.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 616
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/12)
Staying current with the news is like trying to put tiny tuxedos on a swarm of angry hornets.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
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- Comments
- 526
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/5)
Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to dry out a flooded basement with a sponge.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 789
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (12/15)
Watching the news, it's clear that the real world is a lot like the 'Star Wars' universe, in the sense that there are lots of people getting limbs hacked off by religious extremists.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 596
5 BS Myths About Being Poor You Believe Thanks To The Media
As far as most news outlets are concerned, anyone below the poverty line is fair game as a source of national amusement and mockery.
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- By Amanda Mannen
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- 1158
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (12/8)
Watching the news can leave you with the impression that the world is secretly run by YouTube commenters.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 862
