Cracked Archive - News

Regal's Dynamic Ticket Fees Could Cause A Class Divide

Regal Cinemas is trying out a demand-based pricing structure ... which sounds like it could be a pretty terrible idea for everyone.

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Sophia The Terrifying Robot Gained Citizenship

This Hanson Robotics android threatened to destroy humanity, appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show, and is likely a psychopath. She's going to be our next president.

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News Anchors Try Carolina Reaper Pepper And It's Pure Art

This video is one of the greatest performance art pieces of all time.

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What Stupid Conspiracy Theory Is Out There Now? (11/1/17)

What crazy conspiracy theory is the internet up in arms about now?

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The Sad Reason So Many Horror Directors Become Hacks

When a horror director makes a string of subpar movies, fans are usually quick to cry out in agony,

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Amazon Key Couriers Could Get Lured Into Elaborate Traps

The Amazon Key is the prefect delivery system for agoraphobic serial killers.

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What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (10/28/2017)

NO. STOP IT. KILL THEM. KILL THEM ALL WITH FIRE.

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Janet Jackson & The NFL Prove Victim-Blaming Is Relentless

Big congratulations are in order for Justin Timberlake, as we've finally overcome inequality in the world, so he's allowed to perform again at the Superbowl Halftime Show!

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A Bunch Of Weed Delivered To An Innocent Couple On Accident

Ugh, why don't I get free weed when I order from Amazon?

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Michael Bay's Dora The Explorer Movie Is For Who, Exactly?

Dora the Explorer is getting that gritty, live-action reboot we've all hoped and dreamed for.

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What It's Like To Eat Taco Bell's Experimental Food

Word around social media circles is that Taco Bell might soon be releasing something called the Chocoladilla.

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A Zoo Is Bribing A Weird Panda With Sex

This panda is outta control!

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Starbucks Released A New Holiday Cup. Everybody Panic!

The marketing team for Starbucks are a bunch of geniuses. Frightening geniuses.

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4 Reasons Sexual Assault Victims Don't Step Forward

#MeToo asked women to just step forward and align themselves with fellow survivors, and even that simple act was tough.

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