Although I take no pleasure in being the last bastion of morality in the world, as Cracked's only licensed killjoy, someone has to explain why we should not be enjoying these films and books so much.
Old-time comics may be less violent and explicit than current ones, but that doesn't mean the heroes weren't sometimes colossal dicks while they saved the universe. If you don't believe us, let us tell you all about it.
Thanks to several laws I'd broken, I had found out where my cyber-bully attended school, and with the help of an underfunded administration in desperate need of two cartons of Marlboros, I was able to enroll myself in the 7th grade of Alan Thicke Middle School.
Dear Fine People of Hazleton Township, Pennsylvania, It is from the bottom of my heart and at the request of the West Hazleton Superior Court that I apologize to you all for what transpired last Saturday at the Hazleton Youth Center.
Often the weirdest partnerships are the ones the movies don't seem to think are wacky at all. These are the cohorts and conspirators that, in real life, would have no reason to trust each other with a lunch order, let alone their lives.
This should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: I'm going to spoil everything in every sense of the term, for everybody. I'm going to spoil the TV show, I'm going to spoil the books and I'm probably going to spoil your overall sunny outlook on life.
The title of the TV show â€˜Grey's Anatomyâ€™ is what you would get if someone with brain damage free-associated the words â€˜Greyâ€™ and â€˜medicalâ€™ and tried to explain their thought process.
But I'm not looking for sequels just for the sake of making sequels. Some movies leave amazing little ideas completely unexplored, because sometimes there's just too much awesomeness to cram into one movie. That's what I'm talking about.
We have a feeling that Harry Potter is never going away. Which is fine because we love talking about how pants-crappingly terrifying that whole universe is.
Occasionally, a movie chooses to kill completely innocent characters in the most horrible way possible for no discernible reason.
You can tell a lot about a person by whose name they're shouting when they wake up drenched in their own urine. But unless they're getting disemboweled by Freddy Krueger or in a Christopher Nolan film, we rarely get to look at what evil lurks in the wetmares of famous fictional characters. Until now.