Cracked Archive - Celebrities
Aunt Becky's Prison Sentence Is Actually The Perfect Finesse Move
Aunt Becky's lawyers are playing chess, the legal system's playing checkers.
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
- Published
- Comments
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31
31 Joe Rogan Signs $100 Million Deal With Spotify, Thinks Things Won't Change
I hope Joe Rogan, warts and all, can keep being Joe.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 45
Lena Dunham Once Again Doesn't Understand Reality
Poppers don't give you the munchies, Lena.
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
- Published
- Comments
- 29
Matt Damon Is Living A Fish-Out-Of-Water Comedy In Ireland
They're treating him like a talking dog, and he’s been reacting about the same.
- Authors
- By Amanda Mannen
- Published
- Comments
- 19
Papa John’s TikTok Has Intense Divorced Dad Energy
You'll never guess which animals having sex he immortalized as a two-story statue.
- Authors
- By Luis Prada
- Published
- Comments
- 21
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Celebrity Pets Are Hanging On By A Thread
If only the humans could understand.
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
- Published
- Comments
- 16
Paparazzi Are Somehow Even More Useless Now
The job of the paparazzi has gotten twice as difficult and 4x as useless
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
- Published
- Comments
- 17
Billie Eilish Is What Fashion Will Be For A Long Time
Billie Eilish basically predicted the future.
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
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- Comments
- 45
Like Us, Celebs Are Losing It, Because Everything Sucks Right Now
Reality is extremely balls at the moment.
- Authors
- By Eirik Gumeny
- Published
- Comments
- 46
The Mockumentary Emerging From January Jones's Instagram Is Legit Art
Apparently, she's been a surrealist comedy genius this whole time.
- Authors
- By Amanda Mannen
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- Comments
- 15
Kanye Summits Billionaire Mountain, Now What?
Like a cliched Christmas movie, we're left wondering -- what do you do for the guy who has everything?
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
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- Comments
- 21
Hopefully Tom Hanks Is In The Vaccine
As a side effect, you will develop a fascination with old typewriters.
- Authors
- By Luis Prada
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- Comments
- 10
Jesse Ventura Running For President Would Be Bonkers
We're hoping to see at least one clothesline.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 31
A 'Paparazzi-Proof' House Sounds Super Annoying
The cost of avoiding paparazzi goes way beyond the literal price tag.
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
- Published
- Comments
- 8
Amy Schumer's Baby's Name Was Accidentally A Great Joke
Joke names aren't hard to come up with, but it's special when they actually show up on the birth certificate.
- Authors
- By Isaac Cabe
- Published
- Comments
- 40
