Rob Lowe's Brother's Girlfriend Having Affair with Val Kilmer's Mother's Son?!

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Actor and celebrity brother Chad "Not the Sex with Teenagers One" Lowe recently lashed out at rumors that his ladyfriend Kim Painter has been having a torrid affair with none other than Val Fucking Kilmer:

The Unfaithful star's producer beau was recently photographed out and about with 48-year-old Kilmer---but Lowe has vehemently denied any romantic relationship between his partner and the Alexander star.
First of all, there's just no way that Val Kilmer is 48---I don't care what the birth certificate says, he'll always be that glistening young gay volleyball stud from
Top Gun to me. But more importantly, I feel for Mr. Not-Rob, since the thought of competing with a chiseled piece of man-meat like Val is daunting to say the least. It's no Top Secret that you'd have to be either a Saint or a Real Genius in Heat or be living in Wonderland to stack up against a Thunderheart like him. Either that or Batman Forever on the Red Planet. Don't believe me? Let's just take a look at the kind of raw animal magnetism that no girlfriend of a famous dude's brother can hope to resist:

P.S. Madmartigan!

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