Seanbaby
Brock Lesnar is a human cheat-code. He is 300 pounds of muscle and judging by the way he darts around, I don't think mass and inertia were properly explained to him. He has so much wild animal meat inside him at any time that bears unsheath their penis bones when his scent catches the wind. Brock Lesnar is exactly what you would use if you were making an army of super clone soldiers, which explains why his outgoing voicemail message is, "I am one of you, ordinary human. You can tell me where the resistance is hiding after the beep."For a year and a half, Frank told everyone about how stupid Brock was for getting caught in such a basic kneebar. Frank also told everyone how awesome he was for pulling off such a brilliant kneebar. Being a dick is more of an art than a science. Brock's approach to the trash talking was more primal. He was going to revenge fuck Frank Mir's corpse until his ghost had a baby.
When they had their rematch at UFC 100, complicated circumstances had led to each of them being a UFC Heavyweight Champion. Not only would they unify the belt, we'd finally see who was deadliest: Ardipithecus or Douchebag. The fight started like their first one-- Brock used his secret technique of being fifty times stronger to hold Frank down by his neck and face and punch him. The only moves Frank managed to land were several thumbs up to his corner to signal that he was still alive, somewhere under the feasting manananggal.
One criticism of Brock's fighting technique is his lack of patience. In his early MMA fights, he tended to frantically whack at his opponents like his mother just deleted his save game. This never really mattered since a sloppy half-punch from Brock Lesnar is an extinction level event for spinal fluid. He has more muscles in his forearms than a clown has in his four freezers. Brock had to marry a pro wrestler because when he shifts in his sleep it's the equivalent of The Bushwackers Irish-whipping you into a steel ladder. However, Brock's thirst for revenge had focused his rage. He wasn't spazzing away with tiny shots-- he was measuring his punches in pure hate. By the end of the first round there was so much of Frank's face on Brock Lesnar's knuckles that to this day, Frank can still taste it when Brock reaches into an elk's uterus to hide his valuables.
When Frank survived the first round, the remaining parts of his brain took one look at the beast that almost killed him and thought, "If we're not dead, that can only mean one thing:
When Fred Ettish made his pro debut in 1994 at UFC 2, he suffered one of the worst losses in the sport's history. His opponent was a kickboxer named Johnny Rhodes who had what seemed to be a 400 pound weight advantage. It was an 
Rampage and Wanderlei both hit so hard that standing within 30 feet of them violates the warranty on your iPod. For that reason, they were wary to step in and trade shots. For most of the first round they circled, sneaking in single punches or leg kicks, but never unleashing the fury that inspired so many Japanese villages to feed them virgins during the harvest season. After three minutes of caution, Wanderlei landed a right hand that gave him the confidence to move in. This was exactly what Rampage had been waiting for his entire life. The left hook he threw landed so hard that the bacteria in Wanderlei's mouth died. He then started dropping punches onto Wanderlei's unconscious head to let even his dreams know: there is no place to hide from Quinton Rampage Jackson's vengeance.
For ten years, there was only one loss on Fedor Emelianenko's fighting record, and it was ridiculous. It was Fedor's fifth fight, and Tsuyoshi "TK" Kohsaka scraped his forehead open with his elbow during a missed punch. The cut was enthusiastically squirting out pints of Fedor's blood, but why should Fedor care? Face bleeding is how you communicate in Russia when the wolves are too noisy to talk over. Still, the officials stopped the fight at 0:17 and gave the win to TK. Fedor never showed any outward signs of anger, but the man who tried to clean up his blood froze solid and fell over and shattered.
Fedor is known for his calm, some might say terrifying, lack of emotions. He was born to destroy so he simply does, and after his "loss" to TK, Fedor dispatched 16 men without a grimace or a snarl. If he hadn't been punching their heads into comas, you would have no idea that he meant the men harm. Glorious violence was only a side effect of the talent given to him by God. But when he finally got his rematch against Tsuyoshi Kohsaka, to Hell with all that.
I want to say Fedor manhandled him, but neither fighter could be called a "man" at this point. This looked more like a tractor running over a sleeping bag filled with cranberries. Fedor had become Timecop and TK was the mistake that history had made. The fight had to be stopped several more times so the doctors could run a mop across TK's face, and watching the way Fedor controlled him, it was clear he could have ended things any time he wanted. Mercy came at the end of the first round when ringside physicians told the pulpy juice of Tsuyoshi Kohsaka that they were stopping the fight. "What?" he probably said from what was once a mouth. He was pulverized so severely that when he got to the locker room, they confiscated TK's organ donor card and told him he'd be lucky if future people could harvest him for soup.
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