An Idiot's guide to Super Tuesday
Q: What's Super Tuesday? A: It's a day of the week from the distant planet Krypton, which having escaped it's own world's destruction, has traveled across the galaxy and crash landed on our planet, where our yellow sun gives it super powers. These powers include 1) occurring once every four years, 2) deciding the fate of several states electoral primaries 3) and heat vision. Q: Ok, so it's a politics thing. Republicans vs. Democrats and such. A: Not quite. The primaries are when both the Republicans and Democrats decide which one of their candidates they'll send into shirtless gladiatorial combat with the other side. This year, 24 states are holding primaries on Super Tuesday, so a strong showing here is considered crucial to a candidates success. Q: So this is a pretty big deal then? A: Well it is, unless it isn't. There's been a handful of "Must-win" primaries this season already, and they haven't decided much yet. Q: So who's running this year? Rather than explain where all the candidates stand on the issues (boring!) we'll just give you the quick snapshot on their most important features. The Republicans: John McCain: If he's doing something you like, he's a "maverick" - if he's doing something you hate, he's a "fucking traitor."