But, yeah, no, that was a mistake. The surprise was a little too surprising, in retrospect, and had you known in advance, you could have mentally girded yourself, or at least been wearing less-nice clothes.
Third and midmost, there are several things I'm not sorry for. These include ...
I am not sorry about the confusion with breakfast. Serving it to you at night was obviously discomforting to you, but I had really brilliant, well-thought-out thematic reasons for this. I suppose I am a little sorry for my excuse for this at the time; that "this is when we eat breakfast in Canada" was laughably stupid. That you bought it so readily doesn't speak very highly of you, actually.
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"Canada is so far north, time runs backward here" was another lie.
I am not sorry about the quality of the meal itself. Porridge obviously isn't normally done flambe, but I had the brandy on hand, I was maybe trying to show off a little, and it was of course brilliantly on-theme. Similarly, the "Canadian dessert porridge" was a masterstroke, and you really owed it more than one disgusted taste. If you'd stuck around just a tiny bit longer, you would have liked what I brought out next. Leaving early kind of wrecked what I was going for, actually.
I am definitely not sorry about the chair that collapsed underneath you after dinner. That was supposed to be the sturdy, too-hard chair, not the trick one, which makes me suspect you've had a little too much porridge in your time.
I am not sorry about the bedding. In fact, I kind of demand that you apologize to me. Yes, the first bed was four stacked sheets of plywood, which you rightly refused to sleep on. But the second bed I put you in was supposed to be too soft. That was supposed to be unacceptable to you. I had a third bed, a bed that was just right, that I'd gone to a ton of trouble to set up, which had to go to waste. I mean, help me out a little here.
It occurs to me now that Goldilocks was kind of an advanced theme to choose for my first foray into hoteling.
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I probably should have started with that house of straw.