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Swaim: More like Chairman of the BORED? Am I right?! Carrot Top sucks, right?! Brilliant..
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#3. WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
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Spike Jonze, one of my favorite directors, and Dave Eggers, celebrated author and founder of one of my favorite websites, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, are teaming up to bring you Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s book. But only if I fail to destroy every last copy of the film once it's complete. I know, I know. You think the flick sounds promising. Let’s see if I can explain myself by answering your anticipated questions:
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Q: Didn’t you like the book?
A: Yes, it’s one of my favorites.
Q: Don’t you like Dave Eggers? Hasn’t his McSweeney’s website been very good to you?
A: Yes on both accounts. If it weren’t for McSweeney’s I’d have no friends in my Facebook account at all.
Q: Do you have some problem with Spike Jonze?
A: No, “Being John Malcovich” is one of my favorite movies of all time.
Q: What are you then, some kind of jerk?
A: I believe the word is blogger.
Yes, on paper this all sounds good. Too good. Let me explain. When I was a young lad I remember getting very excited about a little flick called The Three Amigos. I watched the commercials in wonder: “Wait, you’re telling me Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and Martin Short are ALL in the same movie! Whoa... that’s like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cool! Does the movie come with ice cream too?”
And, yet, we all know how that turned out.
Q: Wait, are you seriously panning a movie because it seems too promising?
A: Yes. I’m difficult to love.
Ross: Wait, are you saying there's something wrong with The Three Amigos?!.
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Swaim: Not all bloggers are jerks, Gladstone. I've tried to explain this to you before..
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#2. THE SIMS: THE MOVIE
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1994's Street Fighter wasn't a particularly noteworthy film, but it did prove an important scientific fact, one that remains relevant to this day: Movies based on video games suck.